Manipulative people can be very smart. They refine their tactics as they go, using what works and adapting it to get around your defenses.
Here are the most cunning mind tricks that manipulators use to pull your strings.
If you watch out for the following crafty techniques, you’ll make sure to always stay one step ahead of those with bad intentions.
Here’s what you should be looking for:
1) negation
Negation is a term that entered the lexicon several decades ago from the” manosphere ” or male dating advice industry.
It was originally referring to a method proposed by some pickup artists to pick up women by combining a subtle insult or judgment with a compliment.
An example could be someone complimenting your new shoes and adding that they look “super vintage” and then asking if they’re hand-me-downs with a twinkle in his eye.
It’s not a “deep” insult or anything, but a joke with a tinge of malice in it.
As Anne Pietrangelo explains:
“They make you feel good – and then they drop you.
It’s a tried and true way to keep you on unstable ground. It is especially effective when there are witnesses, so you are more likely to smile and put up with it.”
2) isolation
Manipulative individuals know that someone is more susceptible to their tricks if this person is isolated.
As such, a manipulator will often subtly undermine everyone else in your life.
“Your brother is not very smart, your mother is jealous, your best friend is mentally unstable, and your co-workers do not understand you.”
These may be partially correct judgments, but they are presented to you with an agenda to exclude the influence and influence of these people on your life.
Who’s left? Who is still on your side and trustworthy?
He is the one who tells you how supposedly everyone is untrustworthy-what are the chances!
3) “You Owe Me”
There is absolutely nothing so toxic as generosity transactions and love transactions.
A manipulative person often pulls this trick after he has done something very nice or seems to be selfless for you.
Then they come out a few days later with an ask:
“Well, I was thinking have I got this thing that I can use your help on and and”
It sounds good on the surface, but this request comes on the heels of their helping you, which is not a request.
He asked you to serve them in exchange for doing something nice. It wasn’t nice. He was known with invisible chains attached. And now they are praying in this favor.
They will decide the size and nature of the service they feel you owe them as well.
4) mood manipulation
Manipulators often play with your feelings. This is not a secret, but the methods that they have to twist your mood are often not well understood.
RELATED:9 underhanded techniques narcissists use to undermine your confidence
The most common but often overlooked is simply bringing up a topic that they know makes you upset. Then they act innocently as if you feel frustrated or upset is a surprise to them.
As a result, they can then turn the conversation to what they wish and put you in a weak emotional state to respond to them the way they wish.
Other subtle mind games in which the manipulator engages with your mood include:
Makes you jealous;
Withholding important information from you;
Making you worry about their well-being but being vague about it;
Create a high-stress emotional state to wear you down…
5) cold shoulder
Giving you the cold shoulder is another high-profile tool in the manipulative Arsenal.
This is not necessarily right in advance, however.
The cold shoulder can be quite subtle and the manipulator may continue to talk to you and seem “mostly” normal.
But like pressing the left pedal down on a piano and half muting all the strings, this individual seems to be calmer, more withdrawn, and empty.
If you question them on it they feign ignorance, asking What in the world they are talking about. Everything should be in your head, you need to start thinking…
6) pretend helplessness
We all have things we’re not great at, but the manipulator tends to have sudden “helpless” moments at the strangest of times:
When they want your affection or intimacy…
When they want to borrow money from you…
When they try to make you feel bad and come chasing them into a relationship…
Suddenly they realize how helpless and incompetent they are, it’s up to you to come save the day.
Absolutely…
7) convenient memory lapses
The manipulator likes to easily forget things when these things do not benefit them.
Then they tend to remember things easily when it helps them! And I ask you to remember these things too!
The habit of conveniently forgetting and remembering can be very effective because it is difficult to tell someone that he is lying about forgetting something if you do not know for sure.
8) pity hunting
It is known that the manipulator plays the role of a victim to gain influence.
This is certainly true, but the most accurate version of this mind game is that they will hunt pity in subtle ways by weaving a low-level victim narrative into seemingly normal conversations and interactions.
Instead of acting outwardly like “Woe Is Me” or complaining openly, the manipulator tells a seemingly happy anecdote or behaves well while in reality loading everything up with doom and gloom.
For example, your friend who manipulates you, tells you about their holidays and how pleasant it was to see the family “despite what was happening with the financial situation and the state of my mental health.”
You don’t follow up, but they keep talking more, adding oblique references to being abused as children and their dislike for their families.
You are supposed to see that they are a victim without saying it openly!
9) Double Bind
Double linking is another subtle mental trick used by the manipulator where they give you the wrong choice:
“Either do A or do B!”
The problem? Both Option (A) and Option (B) are equally terrible and repulsive in their way. You don’t want to choose either, but the individual urging you to make the decision convinced you that there was no third or fourth option.
Be very careful that the architecture of your choice is not regulated by the manipulator in a way that falsely limits you and cuts you off from the many options that are available beyond the binary dilemma.
10) fire hose of falsehood
The fire hose of falsehood is a term that comes from psychological warfare and military operations.
It refers to modern methods of misleading the population by broadcasting multiple messages through many incorrect or partially correct channels.
These messages may be related or contradictory, but the main purpose is to spread so many confusing and misleading messages that viewers get lost in controversy, confusion, and selective belief.
Manipulators like this method, because by hitting you with all sorts of vague, ambiguous phrases and disinformation, they can exhaust your defenses and eventually make you give up.
“Well, whatever you say,” is what they want to hear from you.
11) false security
Creating a false sense of security is going to be a tactic of a manipulative individual.
This is playing the role of a ” good cop.”
For example, the manipulator will make you feel that they understand you, empathize, and say “You can tell me anything.”
Then when you say something you’ve done wrong or feel insecure about it, suddenly they have the goods on you and they can use that to take advantage of you, make you feel guilty, or hang out with you.
On the flip side, the manipulator will sometimes turn to false accusations to throw you off balance…
12) false accusations
Projection can be a very effective form of psychological warfare, which is why manipulators often use it.
False accusations are a typical form of projection because often the manipulator accuses you of something he is doing (or thinking about doing).
This throws you on the defensive, wondering if you did something wrong or at least trying to defend against this doubt on your way.
“I’ve seen the way you look at her!”The guy’s girlfriend says accusingly, pulling her phone away as she is in the middle of a rather spicy sexting session with a guy she recently met online.
Yikes.
13) artificial urgency
Manipulators and con men thrive in an atmosphere of urgency.
If an urgent situation does not already exist, they will do their best to create it or act as if it is already happening.
“If you don’t choose me, this country will collapse!”
“I want to know if you can loan me money tomorrow, because I have a meeting with the bank at 3 pm, Okay?”(They do not have a meeting with any bank on any day).
And so on…
Watch out for these tricks!
Do your best to stay away from manipulative people and be aware of their subtle but extremely corrosive tactics.
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