Narcissism is a term often thrown around casually, to describe people who seem overly self-absorbed or obsessed with their appearance. But the psychology of narcissism is much deeper than mere vanity.

Underlying the outward confidence and grandiosity that narcissists often display, especially the overt variety, is a deep sense of insecurity. In this article, I will explore the complex relationship between identity and narcissism, and delve into 11 reasons why narcissists are unfortunately very insecure individuals.

Fragile self-esteem

At the heart of narcissism lies self-esteem as fragile as tissue paper. Narcissists may appear confident and superior, but this grandiosity is a defense mechanism to protect their delicate sense of self-worth. Will narcissists admit they are insecure? Well, no. That’s right, the narcissist’s self-esteem is so low that he cannot even accept his insecurities. Lacking a complete sense of self, narcissists fail to motivate themselves to work on their emotional problems. Unconsciously, they may realize that they do not have the tools needed as adults to implement change.

but why? Narcissists lack a sense of self, which means they do not have a true self or spirit to navigate through life. The narcissist doesn’t know who they are. Childhood trauma and possible genetic predispositions prevented the formation of their true personality; All pathological narcissists are, emotionally speaking, little children in adult bodies. The average narcissist knows their emotional intelligence is impaired and feels intense shame.

Early childhood experiences

Having established this, why do narcissists feel insecure? In many cases, narcissism is the result of a troubled childhood. On the surface, this may seem perfectly fine, and the narcissist may confirm this. However, some forms of child abuse can be overlooked.

Those who experience emotional neglect or inconsistent caregiving are more likely to develop narcissistic traits. These early experiences can create core wounds that fuel selfish behaviors as a coping mechanism. Although this is an unconscious thought process for narcissists, they did not feel love in childhood. As adults, they do not have the love to give themselves or others.

Fear of rejection

Narcissists often fear rejection, so they seek constant validation and admiration. Their need for approval is a way to alleviate their fear of rejection or abandonment, a feeling that triggers their insecurities. No one likes to be told they are undesirable, but with pathological narcissists, their ego feels the pain tenfold.

Perfectionism

Next are insecure narcissists; We have perfection. Narcissists often demand perfection from themselves and everyone around them. This obsession with ideals stems from a fear of inadequacy, and the constant pursuit of perfection is a way to hide their well-hidden insecurities.

The crazy thing with narcissists is how well they hide their illnesses. Of all the psychological disorders, very few come with a working mask, as well as narcissism and psychopathy. It’s common to feel a sense of disbelief when you first glimpse behind the curtain of the narcissistic construct.

Social comparison

Narcissists tend to compare themselves to others but in a very unhealthy way. The average narcissist constantly measures his worth against those he considers a threat. Is that woman more beautiful than me? Wait, does he make more money than I do? How is she so confident and assertive, and why don’t I like it?

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Those with narcissistic personality disorder struggle to be happy for others and their successes. All they think about is that I wish that could happen to me.

Attention-seeking behavior

Narcissists often engage in attention-seeking behaviors to attract all eyes to themselves and satisfy their insatiable need for validation. Their insecurity forces them to seek constant attention to fill the void of self-doubt that constantly haunts them and threatens to collapse their false self-construct.

Acting in strange ways temporarily deprives the narcissist of the emptiness that consumes him. Outsiders who don’t know the narcissist well may write off this toxic behavior as a sign of deviance or extroversion.

lack of empathy

Narcissists have great difficulty empathizing with others, primarily because their self-centered nature leaves little room for understanding and compassion. Can young children feel sorry for the adult from whom they ask too much? The answer is no.

Narcissists live their lives in survival mode. Their lack of empathy is a defense mechanism that protects them from emotional vulnerability, which further exposes their flaws.

Fear of weakness

Narcissists hate showing any sign of weakness. Opening up and revealing their true selves scares them because it risks exposing their broken selves. They spend their lives building walls to protect against potential emotional pain because deep down they know they don’t have the resources to deal with adversity.

Control behavior

Are narcissists insecure? Look at their need to control every aspect of their relationships. They want to be responsible at all times. Why? To reduce the risk of being hurt or rejected. The endless need for control is rooted in insecurity because it allows them to manage situations to their advantage.

Narcissistic supply

The term “narcissistic supply” refers to the constant need for admiration and validation from others. Narcissists’ reliance on this display reveals their low self-worth; They depend on external sources to maintain their self-esteem. Supply, in the form of other people, becomes the batteries on which the narcissist relies to function.

People who do not have narcissistic personality disorder can be fine on their own. Even if things don’t go their way, their inner light guides them and their lives. Narcissists cannot fall back on such emotional resources because they have none.
fear of failure

Finally, when narcissists feel insecure, comes the fear of failure that drives every aspect of the narcissist’s life. They believe that anything less than a wild achievement will shatter their carefully constructed facade of perfection, exposing their inner weaknesses. This fear of failure drives them to go to great lengths to avoid situations in which they might not naturally excel. Coming across as a loser is a narcissist’s greatest fear. Deep down, this is what they believe is the real terror.

Are narcissists insecure? Final thoughts

Pathological narcissists are the most insecure individuals out there. Strip away the false grandiosity and arrogance, and there you will find a broken spirit plagued by intense self-loathing. Understanding that narcissists don’t love themselves makes sense of their difficult and self-sabotaging behavior. If you choose to maintain a relationship with a narcissist, it is natural to feel compassion and empathy for their plight but remember to maintain healthy boundaries.

It is worth noting that not everyone with low self-esteem becomes a narcissist. Insecurity can manifest in different ways, and narcissism is just one of them. However, it is a prime example of how individuals respond when thoughts of inadequacy and self-doubt become their world.

Narcissistic behaviors are the ultimate defense mechanism to protect against fragile self-esteem and hide weaknesses (at least in the distorted narcissistic mind). However, the way we treat others says a lot about how we feel about ourselves. Narcissists are unable to treat others with love, empathy, and respect because they do not feel any of those positive feelings about themselves.

People with narcissistic personality disorder hide and deny their suffering behind a strong personality because they know that they are weak. Unfortunately, avoiding internal pain causes the emotional wound to grow and rot over time. A life of denial and forgetfulness destroys the narcissist and everyone who crosses his path. We are just victims in the crossfire of their mental war. If narcissists can teach us anything, the lesson is that running away from ourselves is never the answer.