Confident people are not easy to manipulate.
That’s why manipulators love to undermine their victims by slowly chipping away at their self-esteem.
And they’re very good at it!
You may not even realize they’re doing it until it’s too late and your mental health has already deteriorated.
You need to be aware of their tactics if you want to protect yourself.
Here are 10 ways manipulators slowly chip away at your self-esteem.
1) They Trick You
“You’re paranoid!”
“You’re not thinking straight.”
“Do you think I could do that to you?!”
One way manipulators gain control over you is by making you question your perception of reality.
After all, what if you’re paranoid? What if you’re not thinking straight?
The scary thing is that some people are so good at manipulating that you won’t even suspect they’re doing it.
How does this affect your self-worth?
Well, questioning your judgment and clarity all the time will eventually destroy your self-esteem.
2) They belittle your accomplishments
Manipulators may act nice and seem well-meaning, but they always want you to see them as someone above you.
The last thing they want is for you to feel good about yourself.
Why?
Because you might feel like you deserve something.
They don’t want that because it makes it harder for them to manipulate your emotions and control you.
That’s why even if you win an award or achieve an accomplishment you’ve been working toward for years, they’ll act like it’s no big deal at all.
They’ll say things like “Congratulations, now’s the time to do more!” or “You’ve only just gotten started!”
This may sound good at first.
But the longer this goes on, the more their attitude will affect your self-esteem. It makes you feel like you’re simply not putting in enough effort.
3) They Make You Feel Like Their Needs Are More Important Than Yours
When you’re dealing with a narcissist, it can feel like you and your needs always come second.
They’ll make you feel guilty for canceling dinner just so you can be with them.
They won’t even pay attention to you when you share something important about your life. Instead, they’ll find a way to turn the conversation back to them.
And if they’re someone you’re close to — or at least, someone you need to interact with a lot — it can easily end up destroying your self-esteem.
They may even end up convincing you that your needs aren’t important at all!
It’s tragic, but it happens more often than people realize.
4) They Highlight Your Flaws
They don’t care that you got things right nine times out of ten. They’ll take that one time you failed and focus on it excessively!
They’ll keep reminding you of that mistake until the day you die.
It doesn’t matter if your flaws are things you can’t control, like being painfully shy or being diagnosed with a mental illness.
They’ll make you feel bad anyway!
They usually do this when they want to manipulate you.
“You’re making mistakes! You should always consult with me from now on.”
Or “You’re always so shy. Join my workshop so you can improve yourself. You’ll never find dates if you keep going like this.”
5) They Question Your Decisions
It’s not easy when someone says things like “Are you sure?” or “But isn’t that a stupid move?” every time you decide on your own.
They’re not afraid to use your past mistakes to prove their point. It doesn’t matter if you’ve improved since then.
“Remember the time you stood up for your ex? Well, you’re doing it again with your partner!”
Over time, this will eventually lead to you questioning whether you’re capable of making good decisions.
This is something that can still affect you even if you know what kind of person they are, unfortunately.
6) They make you feel like you’re not worthy of love
Manipulators use “love” to gain control.
They will bombard you with love if you do something good (in other words, if you’re helpful to them).
They will withhold love if you “get in their way” or don’t support them.
If they’re your parent, partner, or friend, this can make you feel like you’re the type of person who doesn’t deserve unconditional love.
This can hurt your self-esteem. It can also lead you to be drawn to other manipulators because you think this is a natural dynamic.
7) They make you feel like you have to be useful to be worthy
This is linked to the feeling of not being worthy of love.
Manipulators are great when you are useful to them. They will flatter you and make you the happiest person on earth.
But if you say “no” to their preferences, or if you go against their wishes, they will ignore you and make you feel useless.
This will make you feel like you always have to contribute something to others for people to consider you worthy.
You will feel uncomfortable (and insecure) when you don’t earn much when you rest, when you don’t please others.
8) They make you think others don’t like you
Manipulators love drama. They especially love getting their hands dirty with triangles and gossip because this allows them to get dirty information about others.
They may try to gain your loyalty by telling you the “bad things” others have said about you.
For example, let’s say you have a friend named Allen, and they want you to stop talking to him.
They’ll probably approach you and say something like, “I wouldn’t trust Allen if I were you. They once told me they thought your work was average.”
Are they telling the truth? Maybe. But it’s also possible that they’re taking your friend out of context, and that Allen was praising how quickly your work went from “average” to “excellent.”
9) They dismiss your ideas and opinions
Another way manipulators attack your self-esteem is by making you feel stupid or like you can’t speak.
When you come forward and offer your ideas, they’ll be more than happy to dismiss them out of hand and ridicule you.
When you share your opinions about something, they’ll laugh at you and tell you that you’re naive.
They want you to feel ashamed on purpose!
Shame is so powerful in our psyche that it’s been linked to self-harming behavior.
Unfortunately, manipulators don’t care about the damage they’re doing to you. They just care about keeping you weak and easy to manipulate.
By convincing you that you’re not smart, creative, or rational, they do just that.
10) They Make You Feel Stupid for Manipulating You
Now, there are times when we realize that someone is manipulating us… and yet, we have no choice but to stay with them because we depend on them or simply want to keep the peace.
And knowing that we’re being controlled and played over and over again can make us feel like we deserve it.
After all, if we truly believed we deserved better, we should have cut them off ages ago.
This is another way they undermine your self-worth.
Realizing that you’re being manipulated can make you feel helpless—like you’re just a punching bag or a mat that serves no purpose other than to serve the manipulator.
How to Protect Your Self-worth:
- Keep interactions as short as possible.
- Remind yourself over and over that you’re not the problem.
- Their goal is to make you feel bad—your goal is to not let that happen.
- Surround yourself with people who believe in you.
- Boost your self-esteem daily with these quick confidence-boosting techniques.
- Learn how to stand up to manipulative people.
- Don’t try to argue with them. They’ll just drag you down even further.
- Try not to take things personally. If they correct you, let them.
- Take their opinions for granted.
- Make a plan to get out. One day, you’ll be able to get them out of your life.
Final Thoughts
The problem with manipulators is that they’re taking advantage of you before you learn how to read them and fight back.
That’s why spotting these habits isn’t easy.
By the time you start to figure out what they’re doing to you, the damage has already been done.
So, if you can spot any of these 10 habits, you’ve probably been being manipulated for a while already.
Don’t be afraid to stop these habits if you can. Most importantly, take the time to look at yourself and heal.
Build your sense of self-worth back because trust me – you’re not the person your manipulator is trying to make you think you are!
