Covert narcissists don’t act like typical narcissists – no “me, me, me” and no dramatic meltdowns.
You might like them because they’re like the humble introvert next door.
And because they seem harmless, they can manipulate you without you even suspecting anything!
How do they do it?
With words.
By simply using powerful phrases, they can win your heart and get you to do things for them.
Want to know some of these phrases?
Here are 12 little-known phrases that covert narcissists use to win you over.
1) “You’re a really good friend, you know?”
Covert narcissists use praise as a weapon.
They use it to encourage “positive” behavior and loyalty.
When they praise you for being a good friend, they want you to become a much better friend – and by doing so, what they’re saying is “Stand by me” or “Do things for me.”
Because that’s what “good friends” do to each other, right?
By saying this, they’re also planting a seed in your head that if you don’t stand up for them or do things for them, you’re a “bad friend.”
Let me tell you – I have a lot of good friends and we never say to each other “You’re a good friend”… because it’s such a weird compliment!
So be careful when someone says this to you – especially if you weren’t close to begin with.
2) “You’re not like everyone else.”
We all want to feel special. And covert narcissists know this!
They’ll say “You’re not like everyone else” to make you feel good about yourself. Why? We tend to do things for people who make us feel good.
But it’s more than that.
They’re also saying this phrase to discourage you from being like everyone else.
Maybe they did something wrong and everyone thinks they’re a bad person.
Then telling you this line is their way of manipulating you into thinking that they’re not that bad… and that they might be good people if you look closely.
3) “I feel like everyone is against me…”
Narcissists love to play the victim.
Even if they deserve the punishment they’re getting, they’ll say all these phrases like “poor me” that can tug at our heartstrings.
Of course, they’re doing it to win us over.
They’ll use this technique on you especially if they know you’re an empath. Because they know it almost always works!
Who doesn’t want to side with the “weak”? Who doesn’t feel sorry for someone who’s crying and feeling miserable?
Covert narcissists are scary because they’re experts at emotional manipulation. Be very careful.
4) “I’m just thinking of the best for you.”
If you catch them committing a major crime—and they know you hate them—they’ll say this line.
They will make you believe that as long as they have good intentions, their actions are justified.
Did they tell your friend your secret? That’s because they’re “worried” about you.
Did they fight with your parents? That’s because they’re just trying to “defend” you.
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Even if it’s not directly about you, they’ll find a way to insert “this is for you” statements so that you see them as a good person.
5) “They said horrible things about you.”
If the narcissist is desperate to win you over, they’ll turn their enemy into your common enemy.
Let’s say their enemy once simply said, “I’m not ready to work with Jack right now,” and they’ll relay that to you in a malicious way.
They’ll say, “Nancy said she doesn’t like working with you. She doesn’t think you’re talented enough.”
Not only will this make you hate the other person, but it will make you feel grateful to the narcissist for “telling you the truth.”
6) “Don’t tell anyone this, but…”
The act of sharing secrets creates a false sense of familiarity.
Covert narcissists use this tactic to make you feel much closer than you are.
They’ll make sure they kill two birds with one stone by telling a “secret” about their enemy.
If they’ve had a fight with your colleague Susan, for example—and they want you to side with them—they’ll say, “Hey, I know I’m not supposed to say this, but Susan is having an affair with our boss.”
By telling you this juicy gossip, they’ll make you feel a little closer to them, and a little more judgmental about their enemy—a double win for the narcissist!
7) “You know I’m on your side, right?”
Narcissists want you to “reciprocate” each other’s needs.
They will tell you that they are on your side, so you will be on theirs too – simple as that.
Of course, after saying this line, they will make sure to remind you of the many things they have done for you in the past.
They will say “I remember we stayed in the office until midnight to finish your report!”
Or “Oh yeah, we used to go out drinking every night when your ex cheated on you.”
Narcissists use this line so that you will do them a favor. It always works!
8) “You used to be so supportive of me.”
“You used to be so” – as in the past.
Narcissists use this line to make you feel guilty for changing.
But they won’t have a nervous breakdown. They will just make sure to say it in a very subtle way. After all, they don’t want you to suspect that they are being manipulative.
There are other variations of this phrase such as “We were so close,” or “You were my hero.”
They hope that by saying these lines you will return to being the supportive friend you once were.
9) “Just this once!”
It’s hard to say “no” to someone who asks you for a favor and you say “just this once.”
They’re like a desperate salesman who won’t give up.
But the funny thing is that they were asking you for favors left and right!
This usually works because you’d be too harsh if you didn’t do them a “small” favor, right?
But these favors aren’t really small!
They can be as big as standing up for them when they make a huge mistake or doing things for them that could ruin your reputation.
10) “I’m doing this for everyone.”
“I’m not just thinking about myself here…”
“This is for all of us…”
Covert narcissists are experts at making themselves seem like selfless heroes who only want what’s best for humanity.
Did they steal some money? It’s for everyone!
Did they lie about something important? It’s for everyone!
This is their way of turning you around so you’re on their side.
After all, they “sacrificed” themselves for a greater cause—something that can benefit you, too.
The least you can do is stand by them when they need you the most.
11) “Honestly…”
A really good manipulator wants you to believe that they’re honest, sincere, and genuine.
If they’re going to say something that sounds like bullshit, they’ll say this line first.
“Honestly, I don’t want to run for mayor. But I don’t have a choice!”
“Honestly, I don’t want to fight with Emma. But I don’t want her to do this to you either.”
Do you know someone who loves to use “honestly”? Be careful. You might be dealing with a covert narcissist.
12) “We can make things better.”
That was their plan!
They did it all themselves.
They never told you about it…
But the moment they need your help, suddenly, you’re part of the picture!
Now it feels like you’re part of it all.
Covert narcissists love to use “we” to make you feel like you belong.
Why? Because they want your loyalty and support.
You’ve seen this technique used by politicians and people in power… because it’s proven to work.
Final Thoughts
Do you know someone who uses these phrases regularly?
Then you’re dealing with a covert narcissist.
Ask yourself what they might want from you and if that’s something you’re willing to give them.
If you realize that what they want from you doesn’t align with your values, don’t give it to them!
What if you’re a “bad friend”? What if they’ve helped you in the past?
You’re an adult. Don’t let them control you and play you like a puppet.
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