Manipulation can manifest itself in subtle ways, making the victim question their perceptions and emotions.
It even exists on a spectrum.
While honesty is the best policy, many people resort to manipulative tactics at one point or another to get what they want.
Therefore, it can be difficult to assess whether your partner’s clever actions are unintentional or whether they have evil intentions at heart.
However, when these tactics become the norm rather than the exception, you have reason to worry.
Here are 7 subtle signs that your partner is manipulating you, according to psychology.
Criticizing their behavior is the first step.
1) They constantly compliment you
We’ve all been so immersed in a new relationship that we’ve become a little obsessed with our new love.
During the honeymoon phase, they may seem like the most perfect person ever.
You want to shout your happiness from the rooftops and shower them with affection 24/7.
But while there’s nothing wrong with excitement, your new partner moving too quickly and bombarding you with exaggerated displays of admiration could spell trouble.
Psychologists call these tactics “love bombing,” and they warn that they can be a prelude to manipulation and abuse.
The problem is, that it’s sometimes hard to gauge your partner’s intentions.
Are their sweet gestures a sign that they’re falling hard for you, or are they a tactic to get you to let your guard down?
Your lover might be trying to love to bomb you if they:
- Buy you unnecessary, excessive, or expensive gifts
- Insist that they fell in love at first sight
- Call you their soulmate after you’ve only been out a few times
- Is in a rush to make the relationship official
- Has a hard time taking “no” for an answer when you cancel or postpone a date
Love bombing works because who doesn’t want to believe that they’re so cool/sexy/smart/attractive that they’re driving someone else a little crazy?
But once you fall in love, your partner may try to exert more control over you.
If you resist, they back off, leaving you hurt and confused.
Make sure your new relationship is progressing at a completely comfortable pace.
2) They Make You Feel Guilty
I don’t know about you, but when I fall in love with someone, I want to see them as happy as possible.
Unfortunately, my people-pleasing tendencies come with a major downside: Sometimes, I do what my partner wants at the expense of my own needs.
We’re told that we have to compromise to make a relationship work, but there’s a fine line between finding common ground and denying your desires to keep the peace.
Especially when your partner knows how to play on your emotions.
According to psychology, guilt is a form of emotional blackmail used to get you to do something you don’t want to do.
While it may be unconscious, a skilled manipulator deliberately relies on it to get their way.
They usually say something along the lines of, “If you loved me, you would do this,” making you feel like a monster for failing to meet their request.
However, it’s important to recognize guilt for what it is: subtle manipulation tactics.
Instead of giving in to your partner’s wishes, acknowledge their request and clearly explain why you can’t comply.
Repeatedly giving in to their demands leaves you helpless and resentful.
In a healthy relationship, partners should have an equal say.
If you have to give up parts of yourself, things won’t go well.
Which brings me to my next point.
3) You Lose Your Sense of Identity
Manipulation can have profound and lasting effects, often causing individuals to lose their sense of who they are.
When you’ve been subjected to it for a while, you find yourself entangled in a web of self-doubt.
The manipulator skillfully works to diminish your self-esteem, subtly suggesting that your worth is contingent on meeting their expectations.
This makes you increasingly dependent on external validation and approval from your partner.
According to psychologists, you may start questioning your sanity, apologizing frequently for your behavior, and walking cautiously around your partner to avoid confrontation.
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In other words, you don’t stay true to who you are.
If you do this for too long, you’ll gradually lose a sense of what drives you in the first place.
4) They ignore your concerns
How does someone make you question your sanity, you ask?
By manipulating you.
They systematically feed you false information, leading you to question what you know to be true.
Some examples:
- Your partner dismisses your concerns about a disagreement in which he or she said something hurtful: “I never said that; you must be imagining things.”
- When you express frustration about something your partner did, they insist that you’re overreacting: “You’re being too sensitive; I can’t believe you’re making this a big deal.”
- Your partner engages in suspicious behavior but accuses you of the same behavior when you bring it up: “I’m not secretive; you’re always the one hiding things from me.”
- Your partner hides important information from you and then claims that they told you or that you should have known: “I already mentioned that; you never pay attention to me.”
The manipulation is subtle and gradual, making this tactic difficult to spot.
Keeping a journal of your interactions with your partner can help you figure things out.
5) They Give You the Silence
Withholding from sharing is another subtle sign that your partner is manipulating you, according to psychology.
By withholding information, feelings, or sharing, they are manipulating the power dynamics within the relationship.
For example, your partner refuses to express their feelings, leaving you in the dark about their feelings or concerns.
As a result, their lack of transparency leaves you feeling overwhelmed and uncertain.
Or they use affection as a tool, withholding physical intimacy or emotional closeness as a means of control.
This creates a sense of vulnerability and emotional dependency.
One of the most common forms of withholding is the silent treatment.
By not responding to your texts and refusing to see you, your partner is trying to control your behavior.
Not only do they have the upper hand, they are inflicting a deep emotional wound.
They are exploiting your fear of abandonment and rejection to push you to comply with their demands.
This is completely unacceptable.
6) They belittle you
According to psychology, skilled manipulators undermine your self-confidence by making damaging remarks about your appearance, intelligence, or circumstances.
You might think you’d notice, but their tactics aren’t that obvious.
They’re quite cunning:
- They compare you to others, and you always fail.
- Instead of celebrating your accomplishments, they dismiss your efforts, suggesting they weren’t important in the first place.
- They criticize you publicly, but when you attack them, they insist they’re just kidding.
- Instead of encouraging you to grow, they bring up your flaws to suggest that you’re better off in your comfort zone.
Manipulators can easily identify your weaknesses and use them against you.
The more they do it, the more inadequate you’ll feel.
Don’t let them get away with it.
7) You’re losing your support system
When someone tries to manipulate you, they want you at your most vulnerable.
To do this, they may try to cut you off from your support system so that you become as dependent on them as possible.
They do this steadily over time, so you may not notice their schemes until they’re already successful.
According to psychology, isolation is one of the earliest signs of emotional abuse.
Your partner may insist that you spend all of your free time with them.
They mask their true intentions by telling you how much they enjoy your company and how soon you’ll have a good time together.
Or they may try to drive a wedge between you and your loved ones.
They’ll insist that they don’t have your best interests at heart, say they don’t treat you well enough, or even incite conflict so that you’ll be more likely to distance yourself from them.
Early signs to watch out for include:
- Reinforcing an “us versus them” mentality, creating a sense of you two against the world
- Insisting on making every decision together because you’re a team
- Monitoring your social media closely
- Constantly communicating when you’re out without them.
- Discouraging you from participating in social activities without them
Isolation acts as a barrier to intervention from friends or family who can recognize and address your partner’s manipulative behavior.
If your gut tells you something isn’t right, trust your instincts.
Final Thoughts
Learning to recognize the tactics above is crucial to protecting your mental health.
Since manipulation can be subtle, spotting it early will ensure you take the necessary steps to protect yourself.
Set boundaries and seek support from loved ones or a mental health professional when needed.
Relationships should be based on mutual trust and open communication.
Your partner trying to control you is a big red flag.
