Falling in love can feel like you’re floating in the clouds, right? But what if I told you that sometimes those clouds are stormy and that what feels like you’re flying is falling?
I know that sounds dramatic. But hear me out.
You’ve probably had those moments when you feel so drawn to someone that it consumes you. You think about them constantly, and when you’re with them, it feels like nothing else matters.
But then there are those nagging feelings. The arguments that never seem to get resolved, the apologies that come too often or not at all, and the sinking feeling that you’re losing yourself in the process.
Does this sound familiar? You’re not alone.
Many of us have found ourselves falling in love with someone who, frankly, isn’t good for us. And it can be hard to admit it, especially when our feelings are so strong.
But recognizing the signs? That’s the first step toward healthier relationships and self-love.
So, let’s get started. Maybe you see something you recognize, or maybe you learn something new.
Anyway, I’m here to explain it to you.
1) Your happiness depends on them
I remember a time when my daily mood swung like a pendulum, entirely dependent on how much attention or affection I received from them.
On good days, when text messages were exchanged like a game of ping pong and compliments flew my way, I was overjoyed.
But let a day go by without a message, or worse, a day filled with short, uninterested replies, and I would sink into self-doubt and sadness.
It took me a while to realize that my happiness had become hostage to someone else’s whims.
It’s one thing to share joy with someone, but it’s quite another when your emotional well-being is tied to theirs.
If you find that your mood is more about them than about you, it might be time to question why.
2) They’re Your Everything
At first, wanting to spend every waking moment with someone sounds romantic, right?
It was for me. They were my partner, my best friend, my confidant, and the first person I wanted to share any news with.
But then I noticed something disturbing—I couldn’t remember the last time I made plans without thinking about them first or the last time I pursued a special interest of my own. My world had shrunk, and everything revolved around them.
Friends began to fade into the background, hobbies gathered dust, and even my goals seemed more aligned with “us” than “me.” This merging of lives may seem like love, but in reality, it’s a sign of blurring boundaries.
Love should add to your life, not become it.
3) Ignore the red flags
It’s interesting how the human brain can be wired to overlook the negative in favor of the positive, especially when it comes to emotions.
This psychological phenomenon, known as cognitive dissonance, plays a significant role in relationships where one partner may not be good for the other.
Even when friends point out inconsistencies in their behavior, or even when you catch them lying or using manipulative tactics, there’s a part of you that rationalizes or downplays these actions.
You tell yourself that they’re under a lot of stress, or you focus on the “good times” to overcome the bad. This tendency to tolerate or ignore red flags is often a subconscious effort to maintain the relationship, despite clear evidence that they may be harmful.
Recognizing this pattern is crucial to understanding why we sometimes stay in relationships that aren’t good for us.
4) Your Self-Esteem Is Affected
In quiet moments, when the world fades away and all that’s left are your thoughts, you may realize that the person you are now is a shadow of the person you once were.
It feels like every criticism and every dismissive comment has eaten away at the core of your self-esteem. You find yourself questioning your worth, not just in the relationship but in every aspect of your life.
The dreams you once pursued with relentless optimism now seem out of reach, not because they are, but because you’ve been convinced that you’re not capable or worthy.
Love should make you feel like you can conquer the world together, not that you don’t deserve any victory.
Remembering that your value doesn’t diminish based on someone’s inability to see your worth is the first step toward regaining your self-confidence and self-esteem.
5) You’re Always the One Making the Sacrifices
Looking back, I can see a pattern that I was willing to ignore for far too long. It was always me adjusting my schedule, compromising my needs, or postponing my plans to fit into their lives.
At first, I felt like what I was doing for love was just making sacrifices that seemed to bring us closer. But over time, I began to realize that this was definitely a one-way street.
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I’ve missed countless dinners because they were “too busy,” and plans have been canceled at the last minute with almost no apology. I told myself it was just the ebb and flow of the relationship, but deep down, I knew it wasn’t true.
Being flexible and supportive is one thing, but sacrificing your life for someone else’s comfort is another. The moment you find yourself consistently on the giving side of the sacrifice, it may be time to reevaluate the balance in your relationship.
True love is a two-way street, where both partners are willing to compromise.
6) Your friends and family have expressed concern
It is often said that love is blind, and sometimes this blindness causes us to overlook the concerns of those who know us best.
At first, I dismissed the concerns of my friends and family as misunderstandings or not seeing the full picture of my relationship. Over time, the frequency and intensity of their concerns began to weigh on me.
People who have been there for me through thick and thin now unanimously expressed concern about how this person was affecting me. It wasn’t about simple dislikes or personality differences; it was a deep concern for my well-being and happiness.
Those who truly care about you have no agenda other than your happiness. Their perspectives can provide a clearer view of your situation, without being clouded by emotions.
It’s worth considering their opinions, not as criticism, but as another form of love and care.
7) You Feel Trapped
There’s a subtle shift that happens when a relationship goes from being a source of happiness to a cage. This isn’t always noticeable at first—like slowly turning up the heat until it boils over without you even realizing it.
I found myself justifying staying in the relationship because I feared the unknown of leaving more than the pain of staying. Thoughts like “Better be the devil you know” became my silent mantra.
But here’s the thing: love shouldn’t feel like a trap.
Feeling afraid to leave or believing you can’t find someone better is a sign that you’re not in a healthy relationship. True love encourages growth, not confinement.
8) It’s Emotionally Exhausting
Love should be your haven—a place to rest and recharge, not drain you. Still, there were days when I felt like I was draining myself, emotionally.
The constant ups and downs, walking on eggshells, and trying to fix what was broken left me exhausted. Instead of feeling good about spending time together, I felt more exhausted than ever.
Your emotional energy is precious; it’s what allows you to connect with people, pursue your passions, and enjoy life.
If being with someone constantly leaves you exhausted, it’s time to ask yourself why.
The bottom line
Recognizing these signs isn’t easy, especially when you’re deeply in love with someone who may not be good for you. It takes being honest with yourself and facing some sometimes uncomfortable truths.
But remember, acknowledging these signs is a step toward prioritizing your happiness and well-being—something everyone deserves.
Love should make you feel valued, respected, and free. If your relationship ticks all the boxes on this list more than most, it might be a sign to reevaluate and consider seeking support from friends, family, or professionals.
You’re not alone, and walking away from what’s hurting you is also an act of self-love.
