The harms of abuse are well documented and include post-traumatic stress disorder, mood disorders, physical illness, and a range of relationship difficulties. What is not discussed much is the damage that an abusive relationship can do to the victim’s relationship with God. A great deal of spiritual abuse often accompanies any other type of abuse and can hinder a person’s faith in and relationship with God.

Because our relationship with God is the foundation of salvation from the abuser as well as healing from abuse, the enemy often targets the victim’s faith. For most of us, our empirical belief trumps intellectual assent to our religious beliefs. What this means is that our experiences with God have a stronger influence on our emotions and bodies than ideas we agree with on a purely intellectual level.

For example, if a dog bites me, my body instinctively recoils from dogs, especially ones I don’t know. I may be told that a particular dog is safe. I can admit that the words are probably true, but I still have to overcome some strong emotions to reach out and pet this dog. Because abuse of any kind has a profound impact on our bodies, souls, and spirits, our painful experiences place theology in opposition to what we “know” about God. In children, this can cause permanent damage. look here

Here is a brief list of some of the damage an abuser can cause to his victim’s spiritual life:

1: The abuser seems stronger than God.

In fact, the abuser often becomes a terrible idol that one must constantly appease. Either we worship our idols or we hate and fear them. The pagans hated harm and abuse, and feared their gods as a general rule. They served them out of terror. Abusers put themselves in this position as a cruel god in their victims’ lives. They hold the keys to life and death in a very real way. This fear is often transferred to the loving Lord.

Because God follows his own rules regarding free will, he does not force evil people to do good. This is a difficult truth to accept if one is in a rough relationship. If the victim is an adult, they will have to deal with their choice to stay at some point. When abuse is directed at a child, the harms are more serious because the child’s options are limited. Beliefs about themselves, others, and God are hardwired into their neural pathways. For that child, the question inevitably arises: Where was God when all the bad things happened?

Damage 2: The victim is alone.

The abuser’s goal is to isolate his victim from all sources of support, including spiritual sources. While I was married to my narcissistic ex, I couldn’t keep friends. After she left, she learned that he regularly threatened them to force them to leave. While I was in the crucible of this relationship, I found God to be my strength. However, this only came after a desperate quest and many lonely moments. It was there the whole time, but my attacker made it hard to believe. One of the biggest changes in my way of seeing the world came when I realized I had a lot of supporters. However, it took years to overcome internal isolation.
Damage 3: God cannot be trusted.

Continuous abuse destroys the emotional foundation needed for trust to remain. For many victims of emotional, physical, or sexual exploitation, the unpredictable behavior of the abuser creates an atmosphere of fear. The victim of abuse walks on a bed of very fragile eggshells as he constantly tries to predict the next mood swings. Because of the imposition of the abuser as a powerful, god-like figure on the abuser’s psyche, trust is simply not possible.

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Confidence is the ability to live peacefully and live without fear in the presence of others. If one has never experienced these feelings before, trust cannot be achieved. Of all the damages, this one takes the longest to heal because it requires a complete rehabilitation of the emotional and physical experience. In other words, these sufferers need others committed to long-term relationships to model healthy love.

4: Victimization can create a false sense of righteousness.

The common dynamic I see in marriages where abuse is the norm is that of the long-suffering wife or husband. The assailant gets away with his or her obscene behavior, but the victim develops a martyr complex that provides enough emotional reward for survival. The excuse often used is God’s hatred of divorce and “doing God’s will.” In fact, victims aid and abet the abuser’s bad behavior by enabling him or her.

This was a very difficult thing for me to admit. I didn’t want to face the fact that my children were seriously damaged because I thought I was doing the right thing. When God took me out of my marriage, I was shocked. I realize now that God would never ask a husband or wife to endure long-term abuse. Such mistreatment is the abandonment of the unbelieving spouse that was spoken of in Galatians. In other words, God honors people for institutions, even marriage.

5: Abuse destroys the victim’s true self and attacks her calling.

Harms and Abuse Because the nature of the aggressor is mercurial, the victim often learns to become a moving target, turning to anything that seems to relieve his or her tormentor’s wrath. The difficulty with this is that the person experiencing abuse disconnects from themselves. Sometimes they break up because being in their minds and bodies is too painful. Other times, they simply become a social chameleon, becoming whatever the person they are with at the time wants them to be.

This separation from self hinders their calling. They cannot be who God has called them to be if they have no connection to themselves. We are called to be our most authentic self in the presence of the God who created that self. When this sense of presence is interrupted, growth often stops.
6: Abuse causes a deep sense of worthlessness and shame.

One of the most puzzling things about the nature of sustained abuse is that shame and worthlessness are inflicted on the victim, not the predator. But a deep conviction of one’s lack of worth can really hinder the ability to hear or experience God. If one feels completely unloved, it can be difficult to believe in God’s infinite love. I think it’s that way. If you have a three-prong plug and a two-prong outlet, access to electricity may be difficult.

Those who suffer abuse have difficulty believing in or experiencing love. Their two-prong outlets simply don’t have the space to accommodate the three-prong God Plug.

The good news is that more and more resources are available all the time for those who have fallen prey to any type of predator. The better news is that God is close to the brokenhearted. I always find that God is the gentle healer and restorer of my damaged soul. The damage I suffered from twelve years of narcissistic abuse did not determine the course of my life.

But if you have experienced similar damage or know someone who has, remember that an intimate relationship with God may take some time to complete. One of the truest things I have learned in the healing process is that God sends us helpers if we ask for them. So look for those who represent his heart best and will help you fall back in love.