Betrayal comes in many different forms, and the damage from each is often long-lasting. Broken trust creates ripples that affect entire generations of people in the areas of culture, relationships, and communication. Future relationships can be undermined even before they begin when the foundations of trust are broken. Individual recovery does not occur alone in the trauma of betrayal, and if safe people are not found, recovery may not be achieved.

What does betrayal look like?

Betrayal trauma occurs when a person or institution causes significant harm to an individual or group of people, betraying the sacred nature of the original relationship. An example of this happened in my generation when many televangelists were caught up in financial and sexual scandals. As representatives of institutional religion, they betrayed the trust of their viewers. As a result, Generation X typically distrusts institutions as a whole.

But what is most harmful is when justice is not properly administered in the courts. Betrayal of the legal system, whether through unfair courts or perhaps through institutional racism, can also cause betrayal trauma. Both priests guilty of child sexual abuse in the Episcopal and Roman Catholic traditions inflicted severe betrayal trauma on the children they abused. As representatives of a religious institution, these men betrayed the sacred trust of their victims.

Finally, individual betrayal can cause terrible damage. The ways in which humans can betray each other are endless. When parents abuse their children, when one spouse cheats on the other (include pornography in this category), or when a loved one commits suicide or simply leaves without explanation, the damage they leave behind does not fade over time. Sometimes the worst betrayals are from our best friends. Recovery must be sought for healing to occur.

Effects of betrayal

The 7.0 magnitude earthquake last November traumatized me, but not as much as my first husband. Car accidents and sudden illnesses or injuries can also cause trauma, but the emotional impact is a little different. I never trusted the ground, the cars, or even my body to have my back. I love nature but I am fully aware that nature does not care about me. Likewise, other drivers and countless viruses don’t really care either. It’s not personal.

But when someone or something who is supposed to love and protect you becomes the enemy, the impact is emotional, physical, and spiritual. Betrayal messes with your mind. The mind cannot easily accept that love has turned into hate. The first thing I lost was innocence. That people are capable of evil is something everyone faces eventually. But when someone intentionally cheats on you out of a desire to hurt you, as was the case with my first husband, or is completely indifferent to your well-being, the betrayal gets to the core. Betrayal destroys our faith in love.

Not only can one have an enemy, but the person one loved and believed in could commit horrific, destructive acts. Not only does it become very difficult to trust others, but self-confidence is also lost. Two of the lingering effects of betrayal are confusion and loss of self-worth. Confusion occurs as a result of trying to figure out why a spouse is unfaithful or why a parent hits you. We often think that if we can figure out why someone does such-and-such, we can fix them. But for all the beautiful wives whose husbands regularly turn their backs on 2D images of women, it’s not about you. My husband’s abuse was not about me. Realizing he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder does not help me heal.

Then a lack of self-worth occurs because we internalize the abuse. Emotionally healthy people believe that the only time it is permissible to hurt another person is in self-defense or to ward off some evil. When someone we trust mistreats us, we think we deserve such behavior. Every victim of intimate terrorism I have ever known has told me that they felt it was their fault. There must be something wrong with them.
Divine betrayal

The good news is that our attackers, our trusted institutions, our teachers, our priests, our judges, and our friends who betray us, will not have to.
betrayal

Have the last word. Most people believe that Jesus’ betrayal by Judas was his greatest betrayal experience, but it was not. Jesus knew Judas was going to do this. He wasn’t surprised. The moment God left Jesus because he became our sin on the cross, was the moment Jesus knew what it meant to be alone. Universally alone. But there is a deeper betrayal than that.

Mankind has betrayed God, and continues to do so over and over again. He created us and gave us everything and we threw it in His face. Our betrayal of Jesus culminates in the cross. God comes to us in the form of a man and we subject Him to the most humiliating and humiliating shocks known to man. We have all betrayed God. He remains constant with us, despite our rejection, indifference, and neglect.

The way back

So, even if you are surrounded by liars and frauds, and even if your family rejects you, there is always a safe haven available to you. For me, it took some practice and some time to learn to trust God. We always want to ask why God allowed this or that person to hurt us, without realizing that this is also a betrayal. God is not responsible for anyone’s actions. not mine. not for you. We alone are responsible for our actions. It is important to note that I have seen God save women over and over again from evil men. He saved me because I called him.

We all have to face the evil that exists in this world, within us. Jesus is the way out of this evil. We learn to be safe in it. We are able to forgive because He forgives us and bears our broken hearts and broken lives. We learn to trust again because he is trustworthy. So that our miseries are redeemed, if not here, in heaven. May God preserve the result. We can leave justice to those who judge nations. There is no justice without love and there is no love without justice. The very nature of God embodies both.