We all know that toxic relationships can be devastating at the moment. But did you know that they can also have long-term effects that last for years?
According to psychologists, the consequences of a toxic relationship can show up in surprising ways, long after the relationship has ended.
From affecting your mental health to shaping your future relationships, the effects can be far-reaching and unexpected.
Wondering what these effects are? Let’s dive in and explore the eight surprising ways a toxic relationship can affect you years down the road.
1) Constant Self-Doubt
A toxic relationship often thrives on undermining the other person’s confidence and self-esteem. The constant criticism or belittling can, unfortunately, reverberate in your mind even after the relationship has ended.
The result? A constant sense of self-doubt can affect your future relationships, career choices, and overall mental well-being.
When love becomes toxic, it seeps into your self-esteem, making it difficult to continue and thrive.
Understanding this potential impact is the first step toward healing and regaining your self-esteem. But remember, it’s okay to seek professional help to untangle these complex feelings.
2) Difficulty Setting Boundaries
Another surprising way a toxic relationship can affect you is by blurring your understanding of boundaries. This is something I experienced in the aftermath of a toxic relationship.
In my case, I was so used to ignoring my needs and desires that I began to think it was normal. I would constantly find myself saying “yes” to things I didn’t want to do and feeling guilty for wanting to say “no.”
It took me years to recognize this pattern and begin to reassert my boundaries.
In the words of renowned psychologist Dr. Brene Brown, “The courage to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even at the risk of disappointing others.”
So, if you’re in a toxic relationship, remember that it’s okay—and vital—to set boundaries for your well-being.
3) Fear of Vulnerability
Here’s the truth: Toxic relationships can make you afraid of vulnerability.
After all, when you’ve exposed your vulnerabilities to someone who has used them against you, it’s natural to want to put on a shield. You begin to equate vulnerability with pain and betrayal, and that caution can seep into every relationship you build afterward.
Again, I want to reference Dr. Brene Brown here, who says in her book Rising Strong:
“Vulnerability isn’t winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and show up when we have no control over the outcome.”
But when the vulnerability has been exploited in the past, showing up and showing up can feel like the scariest thing in the world.
Recognizing that fear is a crucial step in healing—it’s okay to be vulnerable, and it’s okay to take your time to trust again.
4) Struggling with Trust
Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. But when you’re in a toxic relationship, trust isn’t easy. It’s something I’ve struggled with, and it’s a common struggle for many in the same boat.
You find yourself questioning other people’s motives, even when they’ve given you no reason to doubt them. It’s like wearing distrust-tinted glasses, and everything is viewed through that lens.
Rebuilding trust, in others and your judgment, can be a slow process. But with time and patience, it is possible to heal and learn to trust again.
5) Overcompensation in the following relationships
Here’s something that may seem counterintuitive at first: Surviving a toxic relationship can lead to overcompensation in your next relationships.
You become so determined not to repeat the same patterns that you swing the pendulum too far in the other direction. You may become overly accommodating, losing yourself in pleasing the other person or suppressing your own needs and desires.
As the famous psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “At any given moment we have two choices: move forward toward growth or retreat into safety.”
Overcompensating is a way of returning to safety—trying to control the uncontrollable fear. Realizing this is the first step toward finding a healthier balance in your relationships.
6) Chronic Stress and Health Issues
You may not realize it, but the stress of a toxic relationship can also manifest physically, leading to chronic stress and health issues.
A research study by Purdue University professor Rosie Schrott found that “spouses who are more negative and hostile in their daily interactions have increased cardiovascular reactivity, immune response, and inflammation, as well as higher levels of cortisol.”
This is concrete evidence that toxic relationships can do some real damage not only to our mental health but also to our physical health.
It’s important to recognize these signs as potential indicators of stress your body is carrying, or is carrying, and take steps toward a healthier environment for both your mind and body.
7) Difficulty Expressing Emotions
In my own experience, a toxic relationship can make it difficult to express emotions freely. When your feelings are minimized, dismissed, or weaponized, you may learn to bottle them up.
You may find it difficult to open up even to people who truly care about you. This emotional shutdown is a defense mechanism against the vulnerability that has been exploited in a toxic relationship.
Unfortunately, as psychologist Sigmund Freud rightly said, “Unexpressed feelings never die. They are buried alive and will emerge later in uglier ways.”
Suppressing your feelings can lead to a buildup of emotional stress, and without a healthy outlet, that stress can manifest as anxiety, depression, or even physical illness. It may seem safe to keep your guard up, but in the long run, it’s not sustainable.
Re-learning how to express your feelings after leaving a toxic relationship takes time and patience. It often involves rebuilding trust with yourself and others, which isn’t easy.
The journey to emotional openness is gradual, but it’s essential to healing. Opening up to a therapist or trusted friend can be a good place to start. It’s about taking small steps toward lowering your guard and finding safe spaces to share your feelings again.
8) Fear of Loneliness
Finally, toxic relationships can leave you with a deep-seated fear of loneliness.
You may find yourself clinging to relationships, no matter how unfulfilling they are, simply because the idea of being alone scares you even more. This fear can cause you to overlook warning signs and tolerate behaviors you shouldn’t tolerate.
Here’s some great advice from counselor Michael Swerdloff: “Don’t be afraid to be alone. Be afraid to be in a bad relationship.”
That’s right, right? Besides, being alone is the perfect time for healing and growth. It’s an opportunity to reconnect with yourself and rediscover what truly makes you happy without the influence of another person.
During this time, you can focus on personal development and building a stronger, more resilient version of yourself.
Being alone doesn’t have to be lonely. It can be a powerful, enriching experience that allows you to set higher standards for your future relationships.
Remember, it’s better to be alone and work on your well-being than to be with someone who belittles it. View being alone as an opportunity to lay a healthier foundation for the relationships you choose to have in the future.
