Manipulation is very different from influence, and it can be difficult to spot.
Manipulators manipulate people into doing what they want, often hiding their true intentions. It’s a subtle game, and if you’re not careful, you may not even realize you’re being played.
So how can you tell if someone is pulling your strings? Well, there are some quiet behaviors that manipulators exhibit.
In this article, I’ll reveal nine subtle signs that someone may be playing manipulative games with you. Keep reading if you want to stay ahead of the game.
1) They Always Play the Victim
In the grand theater of manipulation, the manipulator often assumes the role of the victim.
Playing the victim is a common strategy for manipulators. It allows them to shift blame, create guilt, and garner sympathy. It’s a powerful position from which they can direct the actions and reactions of others.
If someone continues to present themselves as the victim, despite evidence to the contrary, it could be a sign that they’re using manipulative tactics.
Keep in mind that real victims exist and deserve compassion. But constant victimization, especially when used to deflect blame or criticism, is often a manipulative tactic.
2) They continually undermine your self-confidence
Manipulators can be experts at undermining your self-confidence. It’s a pretty insidious tactic that can slowly but surely lead you to question your abilities and worth.
I remember a former colleague of mine who always had a way of making me feel less competent. She would subtly belittle my ideas in meetings, regularly pointing out how hers were more “practical” or “efficient.”
At first, I brushed it off as more experienced in the field. But when she started commenting on minor mistakes in my work—mistakes that had no real impact on the overall project—I began to see a pattern.
It was subtle, but over time, her constant criticism began to erode my self-confidence. I found myself questioning my own decisions, even in areas I had previously been confident in.
This undermining of self-confidence is classic manipulative behavior. By making you doubt yourself, the manipulator hopes to make you more dependent on them and easier to control.
3) They use guilt trips to control you
Guilt is a powerful emotion, and manipulators know how to use it to their advantage. They may remind you of past mistakes or obligations to influence your decisions in their favor.
Psychologists have found that guilt can make people feel physically heavier and more burdened. Manipulators exploit this emotional weight to control your actions and decisions.
For example, they may say something like, “After everything I’ve done for you, you can’t even do this simple thing for me?” This type of statement is designed to make you feel obligated and guilty for not complying with their request.
4) They always need to have the last word
Manipulators often feel the need to have the last word in any conversation or argument. It’s not about reaching a solution or mutual understanding, it’s about asserting control and maintaining dominance.
They may continue the conversation until you’re exhausted and give in. Or they may use certain phrases, such as “I won’t argue with you,” as a way to shut down any further discussion while making it seem like they’re on the right track.
This behavior is designed to make you feel like your thoughts and feelings are invalid or less important than theirs. It’s a subtle way to undermine your trust and maintain control.
5) They Give You the Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is a form of emotional manipulation that can be incredibly damaging. It involves ignoring or excluding you until you comply with their wishes.
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When someone uses the silent treatment, they’re trying to control your behavior by withholding their attention and affection. It’s a way to punish you without you saying a word.
The goal is to make you feel guilty, anxious, or uncomfortable enough to give in to their demands. It’s a way to indirectly express their displeasure while maintaining a facade of innocence.
6) They Play on Your Fears
Manipulators are skilled at identifying your weaknesses and fears, and they won’t hesitate to use them against you.
For example, if they know you’re afraid of confrontation, they may threaten to argue or create a scene to get you to comply. Or if they know you’re afraid of abandonment, they may hint at leaving or ending the relationship.
This is not only manipulative, it’s also incredibly hurtful. They take your vulnerabilities—things you may have shared in confidence—and use them as weapons.
It’s important to remember that everyone has fears and insecurities. But in a healthy relationship, these should be the things that bring you together, not tools for control and manipulation.
7) They’re Emotionally Volatile
Manipulators often use emotions as a tool, turning them on and off to control you. One moment they’re showering you with love and attention, and the next they’re pulling away and not responding to you.
I experienced this myself in a previous relationship. My partner was incredibly loving and attentive one day, and then distant and cold the next. It was confusing and painful, leaving me in a constant state of uncertainty about his feelings for me.
This is a classic manipulation tactic known as “love bombing.” It’s designed to keep you off balance and question your worth. The goal is to make you work harder for their affection and approval, giving them more control over you.
8) They Twist Your Words
Manipulators are experts at twisting words and distorting reality. They may take something you’ve said and twist it to fit their narrative, causing you to question your memory and perception.
This tactic, often referred to as “gaslighting,” can be extremely confusing. Manipulating others is a tactic designed to make you doubt your own experiences and trust their version of events instead.
For example, they may deny saying something hurtful or insist that the conflict was your fault, even when it wasn’t. Over time, this can lead to your sanity being called into question, making you more vulnerable to their control.
9) They Make You Feel Like Everything Is Your Fault
Perhaps the most damaging manipulative tactic is when someone makes you feel like everything is your fault. This behavior can be so subtle and insidious that you begin to believe it yourself.
Manipulators are masters at shifting blame. They have an uncanny ability to make you feel responsible for their actions and feelings.
If you find yourself constantly apologizing, if you’re always the one at fault in every situation, or if you’re made to feel guilty for things beyond your control, you’re likely dealing with a manipulator.
Final Thoughts: Knowledge Is Power
Understanding the subtle behaviors of manipulation can be a powerful tool in your arsenal. Knowledge, as they say, is power.
Being aware of these signs can help you identify when someone is using manipulation tactics, allowing you to take steps to protect yourself.
Everyone deserves respect, honesty, and genuine affection in their interactions with others. Don’t let anyone manipulate your feelings or decisions. Stick to your honesty and trust your instincts.
