The worst part about manipulation is that it can be very difficult to spot—especially if the manipulator in question is a master of subtlety and detail.
But you know what?
That’s what the internet is for. If you want to know more about manipulation so you can stand up to it in the future, all you have to do is read up on it, and you’ll know better.
So, what are the eight phrases that manipulators casually use to exploit your emotions?
Let’s find out!
1) “Yes, it’s very important”
Imagine you’re having a conversation with your friend or partner, and you’re complaining about something that’s bothering you.
They wave their hands casually and say, “Yes, it’s very important.”
Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to one of the most important ways manipulators exploit other people’s emotions: invalidating them.
If you care about this person’s opinion, there’s a good chance you’ll take their reactions seriously. This means that, to some extent, they have the power to control your emotions.
Of course, everyone close to us has power in this sense. We give them power because we trust them to treat us with respect.
But sometimes, we expose ourselves to the wrong people. And that’s when their strategies can hit us, from telling us our problems are “no big deal” to berating us for being “too sensitive.”
“Not being able to express emotions upsets the power balance in a relationship and leads to uncertainty and self-blame,” says psychotherapist Amy Lewis-Bear, MS, LPC.
“The inability to express emotions is often presented in a casual tone as if it’s part of normal conversation,” she explains, but comments like these can dismiss the other person’s experience and make them feel invisible.
You’re not being too sensitive. You’re just opening up to the wrong person.
2) “I’ll never understand [gender]”
Another way to make yourself feel invisible and put yourself on the defensive is to say that your actions are entirely determined by your gender, which the other person will never understand.
Your friend might say, “Women,” “You’re always overreacting.”
Your friend might shake her head, “Men,” “You’re something different.”
Sometimes these comments have a playful, innocent tone—I mean, people have been making fun of the opposite sex for ages, often in a harmless, non-offensive way.
But once comments like these slip into serious conversations that require nuance and complexity…
It’s a recipe for disaster.
Your actions and opinions can’t be summed up by putting you into a very broad category. Your reaction isn’t necessarily influenced by your gender; it’s more about the context, the action you’re responding to, and your personality.
Making such blanket statements is another way to invalidate someone’s feelings and make them feel misunderstood.
3) “You wouldn’t understand anyway”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“It doesn’t matter, you wouldn’t understand anyway.”
If there’s one surefire way to make someone feel misunderstood—not to mention ridiculous—it’s to tell them that you doubt their ability to understand your experience and offer the right emotional support.
The problem with this phrase is that it kind of flips the narrative, making the person saying it seems like the victim here (their issues are so complex and unique that they inherently feel misunderstood).
Not only that but it can also be used as a distancing technique, pushing you away and reducing the chance of vulnerability.
When an ex once said to me, “You’re never going to get it anyway,” I raised an eyebrow and said, “Try me.”
He didn’t. Why?
Because feeling misunderstood wasn’t the point. He simply didn’t want to open up and used this phrase as a way to shift blame.
4) “I’m always right”
The same ex I mentioned above would jokingly say, “See? I’m always right.”
While this type of bickering is sometimes harmless, it can turn into a more serious problem when he stubbornly holds his ground during more complex and in-depth conversations.
RELATED:8 deceptive phrases low-key manipulators love to use, according to psychology
By insisting that they are always right, they are essentially manipulating you to blindly follow them and not think for yourself.
What’s more, this indicates a lot of hidden insecurities.
As psychologist Seth Meyers, Ph.D., explains, “Psychologically, men and women who never make mistakes feel very vulnerable if others witness their mistakes. Making a mistake in front of others under any circumstances reflects a weakness or flaw to them, even when most people wouldn’t consider a mistake here or there to be elevated to the level of a flaw!”
“In contrast, people with good self-esteem accept that they are sometimes wrong (read: sometimes weak and always imperfect) because they are human.”
5) “Look, I’m just saying this because I love you.”
Are you?
Or are you saying it because you want to put me down, make me feel like trash, and then convince me that I should be grateful for you in my life because no one else will put up with me?
That’s the question.
While honesty is an integral part of every relationship, the way it is delivered is crucial. You can be honest and respectful at the same time.
People who like to be “brutally honest” They often use this description as an excuse to be mean. Don’t be fooled.
If someone loves you—truly and purely—they won’t make you feel embarrassed, humiliated, silly, or unappeared. On the contrary, they’ll be your biggest cheerleader.
6) “Oh my God, it was just a joke”
“It’s never just a joke. Okay, sometimes it is just a joke. But there’s always a kernel of truth inside the joke,” says Phil Stark, AMFT.
The best humor is the one that’s rooted in a sliver of truth. Unfortunately, bad jokes—that is, insults hidden behind humor—are also based on truth, except the person telling them refuses to acknowledge it.
When someone casually tells you that “it was just a joke” and that you “take everything seriously,” it’s a sign that they don’t want to take responsibility for their actions and change their behavior to accommodate your feelings.
This is a sign that they’d rather manipulate you into believing that something is wrong with you than apologize.
Emotional exploitation at its worst, ladies and gentlemen.
7) “That’s you”
Don’t get me wrong, “that’s you” is a phrase that can be used in very sweet and innocent situations.
When you do something that stands out to you, your friends might laugh and say, “That’s so typical!” Often, this leads to feelings of shared joy because you’re all happy to know each other so well.
But imagine doing something… not so typical. You might spill a glass of water, say something stupid, or make a mistake.
Then the person you care about looks at you rolls their eyes, and sighs, “Typical.”
That’s different, isn’t it? At this point, these phrases aren’t about your knowledge; they’re about your frustration.
If you haven’t learned about manipulation before, you might fall into the trap, allowing the person to manipulate you until you feel frustrated and doubt your abilities.
8) “Are you sure?”
The last phrase on our list undermines your self-confidence through the art of asking a simple question.
Let’s say you’re wearing a new dress. Your friend raises an eyebrow and says, “Are you sure this is a good idea?”
Or imagine you’ve let your partner read an article you wrote. They sigh and ask, “Are you sure you want to submit this?”
This is a very passive-aggressive way of expressing their opinion about something without being direct and communicative.
It also makes you feel like trash, whether intentional or not.
Remember: Someone who cares about you won’t put you down, make you feel invisible, or make you doubt yourself.
They want to see you shine.
