As human beings, it’s essential that we feel valued, appreciated, and treated kindly.
Unfortunately, not everyone we meet has these qualities. Some people make us feel uncomfortable, irritated, or even stressed.
This article looks at those people who aren’t very nice—the ones who consistently exhibit negative traits that can make interacting with them difficult or unpleasant.
In psychology, there are specific signs that can help identify these “not very nice” people. These traits are often subtle and can be easily overlooked in the early stages of a relationship.
With this in mind, I’ve put together a list of psychological signs to help you determine if someone isn’t a very nice person.
So, let’s dive into the signs you should be on the lookout for.
1) Lack of Empathy
A lack of empathy is often a clear sign that someone isn’t very nice, according to psychology.
Empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of others. It’s the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes emotionally and understand their perspective.
If someone lacks empathy, they may often dismiss your feelings or experiences as unimportant or invalid. They may minimize your concerns, or seem disinterested when you share personal stories or feelings.
In conversation, they may focus only on themselves without showing interest in your thoughts or feelings. You will notice that they rarely (if ever) ask about your day, emotions, or experiences.
This lack of empathy can make interactions seem one-sided and leave you feeling unheard and unappreciated. So, if you find yourself dealing with someone who consistently shows a lack of empathy, it is a strong sign that they may not be a very nice person.
2) Frequent Criticism
Another sign that someone is not a very nice person is their tendency to criticize others frequently.
This criticism can take many forms. It may be directed at your appearance, your work, your hobbies, or even your dreams and ambitions.
The person will find fault with almost anything you do, often making you feel inadequate or ashamed.
They make these criticisms sound like “advice” or “constructive feedback,” but the underlying sentiment isn’t to help you grow, but rather to discourage you.
You’ll start to notice a pattern: they never miss an opportunity to point out what they see as your flaws or mistakes.
Remember, constructive criticism should build you up, not tear you down.
3) Excessive charm
While charm can be a positive trait, when used excessively, it can be a sign of someone who isn’t very nice.
This person knows how to make you feel special and valued. They’ll shower you with compliments, tell engaging stories, and always seem to say the right thing at the right time. They’re great to be around.
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But this charm is often superficial and manipulative. It’s used as a tool to win you over quickly or distract you from their less desirable traits.
Over time, you may notice their charm fade, especially once they feel they’ve earned your approval or trust. What remains is their true personality, which may not be as pleasant as you initially thought.
So, while it may seem strange, excessive charm can be a warning sign that someone might not be as nice as they seem.
4) Constant Negativity
Let’s be real: No one lives a sunny, rainbow-filled life all the time. We all have bad days, grumpy moods, and personal struggles.
But an unkind person often takes this to another level. They’re constantly negative, always find something to complain about, and rarely seem content or happy with anything.
It’s hard to be around someone who’s always spreading negativity. It can affect your mood and mental well-being.
Their negativity can be exhausting. It’s like they’re a black hole that’s always sucking the joy out of every situation. Their pessimistic outlook can leave you feeling down, even if you’re in a good mood.
5) Inability to Apologize
We’re all human, and we all make mistakes. It’s a natural part of life. What defines us isn’t the mistake itself, but how we deal with it afterwards.
An unkind person often struggles to admit their mistakes. They find it difficult to say, “I was wrong” or “I’m sorry.” Instead, they avoid blame, make excuses, or even try to justify their actions.
This doesn’t mean they’re bad people. It could be that they’re dealing with their insecurities or past experiences that make it hard for them to admit when they’re wrong.
This trait can cause difficulties in relationships. It can lead to resentment and misunderstandings.
6) Unreliable Behavior
Reliability is a key trait in a good relationship. When someone is unreliable, it can be extremely frustrating and hurtful.
They might cancel plans at the last minute, forget important dates or commitments, or fail to keep promises.
This type of behavior can make you feel disrespected and unimportant. After all, if they valued your time and feelings, wouldn’t they make more of an effort to be reliable?
While everyone can be forgetful or late at times, if someone consistently exhibits unreliable behavior, it’s a sign that they may not be a very nice person.
7) Lack of Humor
Humor makes the world go round! This is what makes dull moments vibrant and difficult times bearable.
An unkind person may lack a sense of humor. They may not crack jokes, or they may take things too seriously. Maybe they don’t get your sarcastic jokes, or they may be the type who never laughs at a funny movie.
Now, this doesn’t mean they have to be the next stand-up comedian or laugh at every joke. But a complete lack of humor can make interactions with them seem stiff and formal.
After all, laughter is the best medicine, and if someone rarely shares in this universal joy, it may be a sign that they’re not a very kind person.
8) Lack of Respect
This is a big one, and honestly, it’s a big factor.
An unkind person will often show a lack of respect for others. They may interrupt you while you’re talking, dismiss your opinions, or treat your boundaries as if they’re optional.
Their lack of respect may extend to the way they treat others around them. Maybe they’re rude to the waitstaff, ignore their coworkers, or disrespect their elders.
Listen, everyone deserves respect. If someone doesn’t show you the basic courtesy and respect you deserve, that’s a big sign that they’re not a very nice person.
Don’t make excuses for them. You deserve more than that. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, always.
9) Your gut tells them they’re not very nice
Sometimes, the signs aren’t obvious. You may not be able to pinpoint the exact reason why someone is bothering you. That’s where your gut comes in.
You may feel uncomfortable around them, or you may not feel like you can trust them. Maybe there’s no specific behavior you can point to, but something about them just seems “off.”
In these situations, trust your gut.
Your gut is a powerful tool that can help guide you through ambiguous situations. It’s your subconscious mind that picks up on subtle cues and warning signs that your conscious mind may have missed.
Because you don’t need a checklist of negative traits to justify distancing yourself from someone who doesn’t make you feel good. Trust yourself and value your feelings. You are the best judge of who is a nice person in your life.
Final Thoughts
So, you’ve identified someone in your life who is not a very nice person—now what?
Dealing with people who consistently bring negativity into your life can be stressful and emotionally challenging. Recognizing these signs is the first step toward understanding how their behavior affects you and what actions you can take.
As renowned psychologist Dr. Brené Brown says, “Being bold about setting boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when it risks disappointing others.”
If someone in your life consistently exhibits these unpleasant traits, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship. You can’t change others, but you can control your responses and the boundaries you set.
It’s important to surround yourself with people who respect you, make you feel good about yourself, and bring positivity into your life.
Keep in mind that this article is not intended to label or diagnose the people around you. Rather, it is intended to help you identify patterns of behavior that may not be conducive to your well-being.
Having one or even several of these signs doesn’t make someone “unkind.” But it’s a good reason to think about whether or not these relationships are enriching your life.
Ultimately, remember that everyone deserves respect, kindness, and positive interactions. It’s okay to walk away from those who consistently fail to provide these basic human decencies.
Your well-being should always come first.
