If you have read my work, you already know that I know a lot of street children. I mean, one hot moment, I was a kid on the street myself. For those who don’t know, a street child is someone in their teens or twenties who spends most of their time on the street – often selling illegal substances, partying, or spending money.
It is a society of outcasts, by outcasts. Why? Well, the one thing that unites most street children is that there are problems that they have no difficulty solving. I mean, you don’t end up on the street without problems.
Street children are divided into three main categories: “street orphans” who have been abandoned by their parents, runaways, and street children who have a relationship with their parents but have other problems.
For a long time, I assumed that not having contact with my parents was primarily something that only happened to people in my scene. You know, like Island of Rejected Games or something like that.
It was easy to assume that everyone else had the “Leave it to Beaver” lifestyle I envied while growing up. I mean, that’s what it looked like in the affluent upper-class area I grew up in – at least for the most part.
As it turns out, lack of contact with parents is now more common than ever.
Oh, how things have changed in the thirty years I’ve been alive. When I was a child, divorce was taboo in my area. People were whispering about a mother saying, “Oh, you know, she’s divorced. Her kids are going to fail.”
Divorce is the least of our problems now. If you feel like you’re the only one not invited to your family barbecue, don’t get too upset. One study indicated that up to 27 percent of all people are separated from one or both of their parents.
That’s one out of every four friends you have.
Alienation has never been more common, and frankly, I wouldn’t be shocked if that number increases dramatically in the next couple of years. This is why we are in a perfect storm of family estrangement…
The biggest issue I raise is my newfound love for self-esteem.
In more traditional societies, there are certain things you don’t do. Number One, shot, is estranged from family – especially permanently. It’s not just banned. It is seen as a failure on your part.
The United States was following the same path until recently. We have changed. When our society began to question the status quo, we stopped buying into collectivism in favor of individualism.
In other words, we started putting our needs first. As a society we have begun to work on asking the question: “Are the people in my life caring for me or hurting me?”
People are starting to realize that there comes a certain point where relationships are no longer worth maintaining, even if it’s a brother, sister, or parent. We begin (rightfully) to wonder why we are expected to be nice to people who treat us poorly.
When the Internet began allowing people to talk about taboo topics, people began to openly discuss things that had happened to them. This caused a lot of the stigma around not having contact with family members to slowly disappear.
There comes a certain point where you have to get off the phone with people for the sake of your health, or even for the sake of your future. It’s something many street children had to learn the hard way, even in times when being “stray” was more stigmatized.
Related: If a man says these 7 things in conversation, he’s trying to manipulate you
In most cases, the lack of contact that occurred was not previously caused by social pressure.
I’ve heard a lot of different stories about what life was like “back then,” plus I’ve seen a lot of the terrible consequences that came from it. Some of the stories I saw and heard stuck with me.
One thing that always amazed me was the family photos I saw growing up. I always loved looking at them. While most people in my childhood had an idyllic background, there was one that showed just how ugly the bullshit was hiding beneath the surface. I’ll call them the Hansons* (not their real name).
The Hansons were a sociable crowd, not accustomed to hanging out with rock stars, financiers, and famous painters. Like many other old money types, they had yacht club memberships, invitations to a beach club that now costs $40,000 a year, and several timeshares.
They were also, without a doubt, the most dysfunctional family I’d ever seen behind closed doors. Anything you could imagine could happen, has already happened – violence, drug abuse, narcissistic rage… yes. was bad.
If you know the Hansons, you’ve heard the stories. Or worse, see it happen to children in the family. Despite everything, they still somehow manage to give a deceptive appearance to the “people who matter.”
By the way, they always had the most beautiful and pristine family photos. They seemed like a model family in every one of them. If you saw those stock photos that came with frames, you’d already get an idea of what she looked like – loving, interesting, and together.
Behind the closed doors, you could hear the screaming. Occasionally, an ambulance might secretly show up at their location. Sometimes, children may disappear for a while.
And yet… to this day, they all still live under the same roof, in the same luxurious mansion they lived in when I was a child. And none of them will come out. The children remain at dear mother’s side, and the husband is still married to his wife, though he lives in their guest house.
Why do they stay together? Well, a lot of it is because the children who are now adults have been manipulated by the narcissistic mother. Another big part of that is because they are the same crowd that views non-contact as a moral failing.
Regardless, the result is still the same.
Whenever I wonder if lack of contact or estrangement is a bad thing, I think of the Hanson family.
You know, people assume that being away from a family member or ex-in-law is a bad thing. Usually, it is not. There are many times a person can experience abuse or neglect before they realize that they are not benefiting from the relationship.
The Hanson family’s now adult children are broken, beyond repair. One in and out of the psychiatric wards. The other cannot keep a job if it is the last thing they will do. There is another that has become completely closed and has not left the house for years.
I can tell you they’ll probably never get married. They would never have a child that they would have custody of if they could even find someone willing to sleep with them. You have ruined their lives.
Not for nothing, but many people begged kids to run for it. There were people, including in CPS, who suggested they get out of there once they turned 18. People warned them.
I honestly think that if they had just upped and left at 18, they would have been much better off. They may not have been completely healthy, but they could have had a job. They may have been able to have families of their own or at least pets that they did not have sex with.
The rallying cry of “But they’re family!” He has ruined the lives of the Hanson children. I’m fairly sure of it.
If you don’t have any contact with family, understand that people who are worth your time will.
At first glance, the estrangement statistic seems dire. People want to portray it as “the breakup of families” and “the breakup of an institution.” But are these families falling apart? To me, it doesn’t seem like that.
No, a lot of offline options are like someone grabbing a salvage device from a foundering ship. It’s the smart thing to do if you’re being abused, harmed, neglected, or used.
Not sure if you’ve heard this yet, but your existence is a privilege, not a right. Don’t let people abuse this privilege. You owe it to yourself to surround yourself with respectable people.
If others can’t see that, they probably don’t have the empathy they should. This is a “them” problem, not a “you” problem. The sooner we rethink estrangement, the better off we will be.
