One day, I was in the store when I saw a woman getting into an argument over something insanely stupid. I called someone behind the counter and shouted, “Can I speak to your manager?”

The manager, a poor teenage boy, came to the front and asked her what was wrong.

“The price of this fish is unacceptable. I want to lower it,” she said seriously.

“The price is non-negotiable. It’s store policy, ma’am,” he said apologetically.

“No ‘ma’am’ to me. You’re implying that I’m too old. Who do you think you are? You charge exorbitant fees for fish, and now you’re insulting your customers?” she said, raising her voice.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t change the prices. It’s company policy,” he said, motioning for her to lower her voice.

“Okay, do something now, before I call the company,” she shouted.

The man looked like he was about to cry. At this point, one of the men had to step in and tell her she could go to another store if the prices were unacceptable. She laughed, turning beet red, and left, her cart still in the driveway. The people around us exchanged uncomfortable glances.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what a high-conflict personality can look like.

What is a high-conflict personality?

High-conflict people (HCPs) have a pattern of high-conflict behaviors that increases conflict rather than reduces or resolves it.

A person with a high-conflict personality is unpopular, even if he thinks so. No one wants to be around a bully who will bully them into getting their way. The way most people deal with healthcare providers is to roll over and avoid them.

Many highly conflicted personalities know that something is wrong with the way they deal with problems. They may think it is just a matter of anger or that they are constantly being wronged by society.

People with high-conflict personalities go out of their way to bully, threaten, and pick fights with others, often because it makes them feel good about themselves.

14 Signs that you have a high-conflict personality

The truth is that there is a possibility that you have a high-conflict personality and need to seek professional help to have normal relationships.

If you notice any of these signs, you may want to think about the way you live your life and the impact your conflict can have on friends, family, and loved ones.

1. You quarrel with people for no good reason.

Stop doing this. No one wants to be around people who fight with them. If you know you do, you probably already suspect that you may have a high-conflict personality. This should be a confirmation for you.

2. Your love for fighting is not about getting anything good, it is about winning over someone else.

That’s really what it boils down to for a lot of people who have this personality problem. There are plenty of healthy and gentle ways to feel the thrill of winning. Have you tried racing? boxing? Muay Thai? You can win without alienating people.

3. Your friendships seem short-lived.

The problem with being a high-conflict person is that your friendships suffer because your friends will eventually become unnerved by your anger. The result is that after a fight (or ten), people end up turning away from you.

Related: Sometimes Loving Him Means Letting Him Walk Away

4. You have a great streak of “Queen Bee” in you.

If you’re a high-conflict, socially adept person, you might end up turning into the real Regina George.

In these cases, you may have a stranglehold on your friends, but you certainly don’t have real friends. After all, true friends don’t fear each other, use each other, or feel like they can’t be real with each other.

5. People have called you a bully before, a lot.

Although it is somewhat rare, some people criticize high-conflict personalities for their bad behavior. If men and women regularly call you a bully, tell you that your behavior is uncalled for, or tell you that you’re aggressive, you need to take a hard look at yourself.

6. You have been banned from restaurants, bars, salons, or grocery stores.

Generally, these are places where you can only get banned if you make a scene, start a physical fight, or do some terrible things. If you’ve been banned from several places, you need to rethink the way you do things.

7. You’ve given people you don’t even know an attitude over little things, like pushing your shopping cart away from you or walking too slowly.

At this point, you’re either trying to ruin someone’s day, lacking self-awareness, or looking to pick a fight. Stop being a jerk and check yourself.

8. You expect to be treated preferentially and bully others if they do not submit to your wishes.

This is also a sign that you may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but the truth is that it also tends to co-occur with highly conflicted personalities as well.

9. Your children, parents, or spouse told you that you were abused, and as a result, they cut ties with you.

If it gets to the point where your family no longer wants to talk to you, a high-conflict personality is just the tip of the iceberg.

This is one of those points in your life where you need to take a step back and look at yourself what you did and why you did it. Otherwise, you will have no one left to turn to.

10. People have told you that you have an anxious temperament.

If it gets to the point that people say you’re famous for being moody or aggressive, this is probably an issue you need to confront. Being reckless is not cool, no matter what you think you’re going to get out of it.

11. You have already faced legal or financial repercussions as a result of your arguments, threats, and temper.

This may be a sign that you have anger issues, a personality disorder, or a personality that is very conflict-prone. Either way, this is something that should tell you that you may need professional help.

12. I’ve noticed that people don’t want to introduce you to their friends because they “don’t know how you’ll get along with them.”

Although there may be other reasons for this, one of the most common reasons people feel so anxious about introducing you to others is that they are worried that you will start arguing with their friends. Highly conflicted personalities tend to have difficulty communicating as a result.

13. You always blame others for the challenges you face.

Nothing is ever your fault, and the world is out to get you, so you feel like you have to get it first. You blame others for your problems and make them pay for them, even though your problems are all yours. You also always view arguments as personal attacks and will forcefully blame others.

14. You have an “all or nothing” mentality.

When high-conflict people put their minds to something, there can only be one outcome, or all hell breaks loose. If you can’t accept anything but one outcome, you make it difficult for people to engage with you.
Am I a highly conflicted person?

Based on the list above, if you have any of the signs mentioned, you may have a high-conflict personality. If you notice that people don’t want to be around you or try to avoid being in your presence, you may want to check yourself.

If you can’t tell whether or not you are a high-conflict person, there is a test you can take to find out for certain.

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