“Avoid manipulation in your relationship,” is simple relationship advice. But do you know what gaslighting is? It’s all about lying. It’s about convincing one partner that he or she is wrong or crazy. This happens all the time in controlling relationships, relationships where someone is having an affair, and addiction/alcoholism. It’s a form of mental control/abuse. The gaslighter plays with stories, distorts memories, and creates an environment in which his partner doubts his perceptions, beliefs, and reason.
In the 1944 mystery thriller, Gaslight Ingrid Berman played a woman turned on by her new husband. The man used gas lights in the attic to search for the treasure, which turned out the rest of the lights in the house; When his wife comments on the blackout, he insists she is imagining things. Hence the name. There are three main places where gaslighting will occur, but it can happen elsewhere.
Related: 9 Painful Truths Narcissists Will Never Tell You
Here are the three main places where gaslighting occurs:
- Gaslighting often occurs when a person is having an affair
The cheating partner will deny and belittle any facts or evidence you find. They say, “You’re just making this stuff up,” or they claim it’s circumstantial evidence. The cheater will say, “It doesn’t mean anything.” They will have reasonable reasons for what you see and will make you doubt yourself.
Related: What A Narcissist Always Does At The End Of A Relationship
- A person suffering from addiction/alcoholism
If they steal something to support their addiction, they will tell you it’s misplaced or convince you that you’ve given it up. If they were out on a bender they would insist they were in their room sleeping, you didn’t see them. Lies and deception are increasing.
- The person in control is likely to be gaslighted
By keeping you off balance and unsure of their ability to maintain the control they crave. They also isolate you to prevent you from getting a reality check. When you are isolated (from friends and family), you will easily doubt yourself and begin to believe your controlling partner. The problem with gaslighting is that the lies are subtle and the explanations given are often plausible. Even when it becomes less subtle, you’ve made sure by now that you won’t want to challenge what’s going on. There are a few key events that occur in gaslighting:
If you think you may be suffering from depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse, you are not alone.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you have done wrong.
