Emotional support is a great thing to provide. But sometimes, you need to draw a line when someone needs you more than usual.

“I don’t know if I would have done this if I hadn’t talked to you.”

“Sometimes I just want it to be over. But I know I own you, and it keeps me from doing anything.”

“You’re the reason I can keep going.”

If you hear these words from a friend or someone you care about, hopefully, they will send a shiver up your spine.

Because this feeling is often unhealthy and indicates a deep imbalance and indicates that you have a codependent relationship.

There are exceptions. For example, if it is said jokingly with a twinkle in their eye, a playful tone, and is understood as an exaggerated expression of love, this is nothing to worry about.

Or perhaps if they are in very difficult circumstances, such as caring for a sick parent or have recently lost their job, this might be a humane and understandable response to the crisis.

But if these words are routinely said in the context of a normal relationship alongside a routine conversation like, “What are we doing on Friday night?” “did you receive my letter?” Or maybe even “I think I need therapy,” you’re in trouble territory.

Don’t get me wrong. Normal, healthy friends listen intently to each other’s depression or sadness, and sometimes you may even hear that someone wants to hurt themselves. They feel frustrated and need support.

You can be there for them; This is an important testament to your friendship. When you’re feeling down, it’s great to trust that you’ll be given the same and that someone will have your back.

What is much harder to bear or deal with is chronic and intense dependence: “What would I do without you? You’re saving me from myself.”

This dynamic can creep up on you in any relationship.

What started as a fairly equal give-and-take somehow turns into all give-and-take and very little feedback. You slowly begin to realize that this relationship is draining and that you are forced to mute aspects of yourself as you are increasingly asked to give them your time and energy.

Eventually, you find that you are tired of not receiving; The conversations are almost free one-way therapy sessions, as you feel exhausted after the first thirty minutes.

It can easily feel like life is slowly being squeezed out of you. You feel trapped and may be emotionally blackmailed.

What is clear is that their emotional fragility needs to be addressed and they are turning to you for treatment. There can be major depression or bipolar disorder, where suicide may sometimes seem like the only way out.

Or they may suffer from a ‘personality disorder’, or a persistent unhealthy way in which someone thinks about themselves and others in which they are likely to not deal with relationships appropriately or effectively and usually have little knowledge of the impact of their behavior.

There are many different personality disorders and their treatment is difficult.

There are people with narcissistic tendencies, where their initial motive is to lure you into their world with compliments or “love bombing.” Then it’s about making the relationship about them.

However, a classic narcissist will not necessarily become “suicidal” if you are not available to him; They may get angry, and then withdraw.

Constant talk about suicide is one of the most common features of borderline personality disorder. If this is present, your creating appropriate boundaries may be perceived as extreme abandonment.

You need to change things or you may want to get out. However, you still care.

What can you do about this?

Here are 5 things you should do when someone needs you a lot:

If your friend or partner is in therapy, ask to join the session

You can talk about needing a radical change in the relationship where you are no longer burdened by being the person they look to for guidance, meaning, or even a reason to survive.

If what you are looking for is to end the relationship, having that discussion while a therapist is present can make this process much easier for both of you.

Whatever your goals, be honest and benefit from your therapist’s support. Remember that the therapist’s task is to deal with the danger that the patient poses to himself.

If they are not in therapy, ask them to go to the therapist with you

You need a third party to navigate this area, who can provide objective feedback and offer support to both of you.

If they refuse, you can meet with one of them several times on your own. We hope this therapist gives you ideas on how to end the matter or modify how you interact with your loved one.

Here are 5 things you should do when someone needs you a lot:

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