Love bombing is an explosive, rapid, obvious display of attention and affection designed to sweep you off your feet and into the hands of a love bomber.
It comes in the form of text messages, calls, emails, cards, letters, and songs. There may also be flowers, gifts, trips, and lifelong promises to a soulmate who will “do anything for you and nothing without you.”
All this before they even know your middle name! If the bombardment of attention doesn’t bother you, you should be concerned.
Why do I feel so good?
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Love bombing is a serious red flag in dating that many people may not recognize.
You’re fed compliments until you feel full and want to walk away from the table, but they insist on giving you more – because you “deserve” it. They ensure that not a moment goes by that you don’t remember that they are the person who cares about you the most.
You’ll receive constant reminders of their devotion: love letters on your car, flowers at work, and gifts for no special reason.
They befriend your friends to make sure they also know who cares about you and involve them in “surprising” you with a special gift that everyone can like and be excited about.
You say no to going out to dinner because of work, so they bring you dinner and stay by your side faithfully until you’re ready to go home. You return to work the next morning to find a love message on your screen from the previous evening.
Your colleagues are all smiling and gushing about how lucky you are. Your ego is inflated. Your self-esteem increases. She loves feeling loved.
Your sense of reality has become clouded by fantasy. Your guard is down.
You are being manipulated and controlled.
My love bomber became my first husband.
It was a groggy and often confusing period of my life. Looking back, I connect the dots and see the picture forming very clearly.
At the time, it was happening so fast that, due to flight dizziness, I couldn’t see what was directly in front of me. My boyfriend was happy to hold my hand and tell me when to take a step left or right, forward or backward.
This was a very long time ago. And I’ve learned a lot about myself, him, and love bombing since then. He was eventually diagnosed – like many love-throwers – as suffering from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Narcissists are great con artists, and they play to win.
Narcissists tend to target empathic people who are open, caring, and emotionally attached.
Why? Because empaths make great victims or losers in their own game.
I knew I had been targeted and deceived when my ex said out loud, “The best sales job I ever did was getting you to marry me.”
Narcissists focus on the need to choose their victims in love bombing.
At first, my love bomber was incredibly charming and the attention was fun. He knew just what to say to build me up.
At the time, I didn’t realize how torn and weak I was, but I realize now that he tested me to see. Little by little, he discovered exactly my weaknesses.
A few years ago, I was betrayed by my best friend. I hooked up with my boyfriend and married him while we were in college.
Although I have moved on in life, I have not completely healed this wound. Somehow, I needed someone to make me whole. I needed someone who thought I was great, wanted me, and loved me.
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That left room for someone, in this case, the love bomber, to “complete me.” He flew into my life and bombarded me with good connections, beautiful gifts, dedicated time, and attention.
All this fell on me like a spark, and I fell into a fairy tale from a short story. Before I knew it, I was swept from my feet and into his hands.
I would say the fairytale feel continued. It didn’t happen. Many people who have been love-bombed say the same thing.
The agenda behind the love bombing soon emerges.
Their work reveals a crack in its facade. You question it. They shoot you.
Once the narcissist commits you, the tables turn. When you question or contradict them, love bombing becomes an assault on your personality, leaving you defenseless and running for cover.
Compliments are exchanged for criticism, charming habits become controlling behaviors, and when you try to break up, they play on your empathy and go back to love bombing while blaming something or someone else for the changes you see.
Love bombing precedes manipulation and emotional abuse.
You are trapped until you recognize the situation and remove yourself.
The love bomber’s agenda varies. Some are out to get your money. Others are in it for the love of playing the game.
Others get into a relationship, but they don’t understand how to do it. They want to love and be loved in return, and they believe that by giving too much, they will get what they need. Regardless, it is still a narcissistic agenda.
Can a love bomber be helped?
The answer is often yes. Some are simply clingy and don’t realize that their behaviors are pushing others away.
By working on self-awareness, emotional development, and understanding boundaries, some can learn how to pursue and achieve healthy relationships.
What should you do if you find yourself the target of a love bombing?
The same. check-in.
What has not healed for you? Where are your weaknesses? Does this person respect your boundaries? Can you say no? Can you ask them to slow down?
True love does not impose commitment. True love doesn’t discuss your answers.
True love is not threatening. True love is patient, and kind, and evolves.
What does your intuition tell you? Your intestines?
What red flags are you seeing that you might be ignoring because you need to feel good about yourself?
Want attracts want.
I needed someone to complete me and build me up because I hadn’t done it myself yet.
Know yourself, learn how to set and maintain boundaries, and be your own best friend. You will attract into your life someone who is not too good to be true, but someone good and true to you.
If other love-slingers show up in the meantime, you’ll recognize them. Listen to your best friends, they will know.
