I have seen too many smart, talented, kind people perish because of relationships with narcissistic partners. The trauma caused by the abuser is subtle but can last a long time and weaken the target. Even when an abusive relationship is short, its effects can last. It’s not usually easy to see these people coming. They are very controlling and charming when they want you to communicate with them. They often have a chameleon-like ability to pose as the love of your life when you first start getting to know them, and they don’t show their true colors until there is a certain level of commitment.
Do you think this couldn’t happen to you? There are estimates that over 50% of people have been in an abusive relationship. Contrary to myths, the targets of bullies and narcissists, in general, are talented, socially intelligent, fully functioning people who are better than average at their jobs and who care about others. People who are the targets of abuse tend to be more empathetic than others, so you may want to practice more caring if you are particularly sensitive to others.
Do you think the targets of bullies are weak people who “let it happen” to them? They are not particularly weak, but they are often backed into a corner by manipulative and dangerous people and are then vulnerable to their bad behavior. Of course, you will let your partner make the decisions if they are volatile, violent, vindictive, and controlling assets. The problem is that bullies are encouraged to get involved before they act out. Instead of having to break up with a toxic relationship when you’ve already been traumatized, learn how to avoid those people in the first place. How do you identify and avoid people who will take advantage of your good nature when you first date them?
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Here are 7 crucial ways to avoid relationships with insecure and toxic people:
- Develop good boundaries
Set boundaries for acceptable and unacceptable behavior in a relationship, and set them before dating. Only date those who respect your boundaries.
- Exercise due diligence
Don’t feel any compunction about checking the background of anyone you start dating seriously. You are not obligated to tell anyone that you did this.
- Trust your gut
If you feel the need to go beyond the initial screening to continue spying or checking up on someone you’re dating, your intuition is telling you not to trust them.
- Pay attention to non-compliant behavior
For example, the person who smiles when he tells you how she got back together with someone; A date who has reported a lot of trouble getting along with others, or someone who seems angry when you assert your opinion. Don’t dismiss these signs.
- Be sensitive to socially awkward behavior
These can be things like not responding to an obvious joke, blatant failure to make eye contact, not responding to conversation notes, or significant disruptions in conversations so that you don’t get airtime or have to fill cavernous conversation gaps.
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- Ask questions about the person’s relationships with friends or co-workers
Watch for answers that indicate contempt, cruelty, a lack of empathy, or a need to control others.
- Pay attention to your feelings
If you feel confused, have a feeling of fear, feel defensive or ashamed, don’t ignore these feelings. They are signs that something is wrong.
If you see any of these signs, either dust yourself off and move on, or watch this person closely. I have yet to see anyone create a happy partnership with a narcissist, bully, or control freak.
