Dating a narcissist is like a beautiful dream that suddenly turns into a nightmare. In one moment, everything is perfect, and it’s all over the place like butter on toast. The next day, he reduces your self-confidence like a block of ice needs to be turned into a snow cone.

Most of the time, it never happens right away — it’s a process that often begins as a whirlwind romance that slowly turns into a disturbing and abusive nightmare. The romantic part is what attracts you to him, and it’s a process called love bombing.

What is love bombing? Love bombing means that the person you love is trying to influence you by “bombarding” you with attention and love. Narcissists use it to manipulate you.

Related: What Your Long History Of Toxic Relationships Is Trying To Tell You, According To A Therapist

7 subtle but deadly signs that you are being bombed by love:

1. Everything seems so fast

Love bombing seems like the zeitgeist. They will quickly increase their affection, often reaching the point where the phrase “stormy romance” comes to mind when you think of them.

A good rule of thumb is to ask why someone wants to hook up so quickly, and why someone is trying so hard to impress you so quickly.

2. He acts like a champ when you’re in a bad situation

Call me a pessimist, but I don’t think heroes are real anymore. Instead, the person helping you is likely doing so out of a selfish need.

A common fantasy for narcissists is to be the “hero” to people in a bad situation and to shower praise and admiration on them for saving them from someone. If the person in question suddenly swoops in to save the day, it could be one of the signs of a love bomb and not the miracle hero you want.

3. Sometimes, it seems like he’s trying to get you into it
   Admit that he’s better than anyone else you’ve ever dated

Love bombing, at least on a subconscious level, is something narcissists do on purpose. They do this to get you addicted and to make you believe that you cannot be better than them.

Related: 5 Tiny-But-Toxic Habits That Ruin Great Relationships

4. He asks a lot of probing questions about the ugly side of your life

This is a common way for a narcissist to find material to bring up later when they start abusing you. It’s also a way to make you feel more connected to them in a quicker period.

After all, we tend to feel close to people with whom we share secrets, especially if they’re dark secrets.

5. Others warn you about it, but what they say doesn’t match up

Although there are some very rare occasions where it is a former psycho or a misunderstood person, most of the time this is not the case. Most often, the reason why things don’t match is because the person you see is bombarding you with love and has not yet shown his true face.

If people warn you about someone, it’s often a good idea to pay attention. The person you’re talking to is probably no exception to the rule.

6. He backed down after saying some things that seemed questionable

Many people who like to bombshell also tend to show other red flags early on — the most common of which is pulling back when you point out a comment or behavior they made that was a red flag.

Keep an eye out for this behavior, as the original statement they provided may be showing who they are.

7. He showers you with gifts

A good indicator of whether it’s love bombing or actual love is how abundantly they shower you with gifts. If you feel overwhelmed by a pile of gifts, often to the point where you feel like you “owe” them, it’s likely love bombing.

Narcissists and other abusers often do this as a way to make you feel indebted to them and thus keep you around.

Related: 5 Emotions You’re Bound To Feel When You Leave Your Toxic Relationship

8. He keeps reminding you how good they are to you, or how good they are to others

This is a major sign of love bombing because they are primarily trying to communicate the fact that they are “so good with you.” This is a tactic people use to manipulate others into staying in bad relationships or to get you to do things that are not necessarily healthy for you.

9. The affection you receive from him seems superficial

Love bombing is superficial. It’s not true love, it’s just a way to involve you and invest in someone. As a result, affection sometimes seems superficial.

They may mention aspects of your personality that aren’t there or they may talk about how you were “the hottest girl ever” from the beginning. Why? Because they don’t know the real you.

10. He treats everyone horribly

A good indicator that he is promiscuous can be seen in the way he treats others.

If he treats everyone terribly, don’t kid yourself. This is a sign that he will eventually like you.

11. Something doesn’t seem right

Maybe it’s because he didn’t stop pursuing you when you didn’t show interest. Maybe it’s the way he seems to shower you with compliments, or the way he smiles.

Most of the time, if something doesn’t seem right, it’s because it isn’t. Trust your gut and you should be fine.