Why do guys pull away, then come back later saying he wants you back? Does he tell you it’s over and walk out and come back a few days or weeks later smiling and charming? Does this happen over and over again, leaving you confused and unhappy? This tendency to declare that you don’t like someone, but are unable to stay away from them, is known as yo-yoing. Despite its fun name, yo-yo relationships can be destructive and confusing. What is the yo-yo relationship?

A yo-yo relationship, where someone is a ‘yo-yo’, is when a person believes they no longer want to be with someone and announces this but finds it difficult to stay away. This results in the person on the other end not knowing what is happening and being left in limbo. So why do men retreat away, only to come back crawling later?

Here are 5 toxic reasons why people end relationships and come back again:

1. He feels lonely

It’s a human condition to want to be part of a pair. For many of us, being alone is not a comfortable place to be. If your man tells you he doesn’t love you and doesn’t want to be with you anymore but keeps coming back, he’s simply lonely.

He knows he doesn’t want to be with you, but because he’s unable to fill the space left in your absence, he keeps coming back so he won’t be alone. And maybe you let him come back because you don’t enjoy being alone either. So, if your man keeps coming back, it may not be because of you, but because he doesn’t want to be alone.

2. It is not safe

A guy who says he doesn’t love you but keeps coming back is probably very insecure. He says he doesn’t love you but then hesitates and wonders if he made the right decision. He could come back and hope things would be different. He’s constantly second-guessing himself and pulling you into him. Secure men are more specific in their decisions and more willing to pursue safe treatment that will make up their minds and move on.

Furthermore, the man following you may be a man who feels insecure about his place in the world. Not being in a couple may make him feel insecure and unwanted. The thought of trying to find someone else to date can be very overwhelming, and as a result, he comes back to you, hoping it will work out so he can feel better about himself. Is your man insecure? If yes, this could be a big reason behind his continued return.

Related: Why Empaths & Narcissists Are Attracted To Each Other (And The Toxic Relationship Between Them)

3. He wants to be intimate

This will come as no surprise to any of you. Men want – and need – to be intimate. When your man says he doesn’t love you but keeps coming back, likely, he’s likely only coming back for intimacy. I have a client who wanted to divorce his wife and move out, and despite this, he was having sex with her regularly. I asked him why and he said, “Why don’t I take any opportunity to be intimate?”

This man is good but he does not understand that intimacy for women was about connection and that intimacy with her was a sign that he might return to her. Once he understood that being intimate with her was leading her to believe they had a chance, he stopped doing it. He wasn’t happy to be without intimacy but he knew he didn’t want to lead it. So, when your man shows up again, is he doing it for intimacy? think about it.

4. He can’t break your habit

One thing that’s interesting about a breakup is that one of the reasons it’s so hard to stick with it is because of the habits we’ve created in our relationships. By habits, I mean those things you do together regularly. Maybe it’s Wednesday night movies, Saturday trips to museums, or lunchtime meetings at the sushi restaurant. These are the things you guys enjoyed doing together. When you’re not together, those spaces and time are left empty and can be difficult to fill. So, if your man keeps coming back, it may be because he is unable to break those habits. They were so ingrained in the fabric of his life that he didn’t want to let them go.

5. He wants to work things out

Of course, sometimes guys come back because they want to work things out. He generally wants to live with you. When that happens, and you want to work things out too, I encourage you to welcome it with open arms. And be careful. If your man comes back because he wants to work things out, you guys should talk about what went wrong in your relationship. To fully understand any problems that may develop over time and make a plan – together – to do things differently.

You can stop yo-yoing by doing things differently. History repeats itself over and over again until we take the necessary steps to create change. Take a hard look at your relationship, figure out what went wrong, and work together to make things right. you can do that. When your man says he doesn’t love you but keeps coming back, it could be worse than him disappearing completely.

If your partner disappears from your life, it is easier to get over them and move on. But if he keeps showing up at your door with his handsome face, you will be attracted again and the pain will continue. So, take a close look at what happens when your man returns. Is he doing this because he feels lonely because he can’t break the habit or because he just wants to be with you? Does he feel insecure about his place in the world and needs you to help him feel better about himself? Or maybe he wants to try to solve this problem. Ask these questions before you open that door. Knowing the answers and acting on them can prevent a lot of pain.

Related: A Flat Tire Revealed Just How Toxic My Previous Relationship Was