Despite the intense pain that women who experience emotional abuse and other forms of domestic violence go through daily, we all know (or have been) at least one of many who choose to remain in toxic relationships for years, if not decades. There are a variety of complex reasons why women feel trapped in a cycle of abuse, overwhelmed by the swirling, and often conflicting, emotions that manipulative and controlling abusers use to keep them addicted, damaging their physical and mental health in untold ways.

A few years ago, I was one of those women, stuck in a relationship that wasn’t good for me.

The man I loved was bad for me in so many ways, but I couldn’t leave him. In fact, on the occasions when I tried to do this, he resurfaced a few days or weeks later to tempt me again – and I let him. Repeatedly.

Related: 14 Signs You’re In Denial About How Your Toxic Relationship Is

Looking back, I often wondered why that was the case, and why I couldn’t simply let it go. I think I’ve figured out how to explain at least some of the complex reasons, and I hope that by sharing what I’ve learned firsthand with you, other women in similar situations will find comfort and strength to free themselves.

Here are 5 reasons why women stay in toxic relationships despite emotional abuse and domestic violence — and how to break the vicious cycle yourself.

1. They are afraid to be alone.

It’s a natural part of the human condition to want to be in a couple and have someone to share your life and experiences with, and that’s the goal in life for many of us. Unfortunately, this means that many of us will settle for “good enough” when it comes to finding the other half of our duo because we believe that giving up the bird in our hand means never finding someone to love.

The prospect of putting ourselves out there again until we can find the right person can be overwhelming, so, we cling to the person we have now, no matter how bad men are for us.

If you are in a toxic relationship, know that there is always someone else waiting for you.

You may not find them right away, but you will never find them if you stay in the relationship you currently have. There is a man available to you who will be your perfect half and who will make you feel complete.

2. They don’t feel good about themselves

Research has shown that one of the most common consequences of toxic relationships is that they lower the victim’s self-esteem.

The constant barrage of abuse you experience with a toxic partner leaves you feeling miserable, isolated and belittled. You may know that you are not being treated well, but you begin to believe that you do not deserve good love and that even if you did deserve it, you would have no idea how to find it.

So getting rid of toxic love requires you to focus on something important to you outside of yourself.

For me, that meant focusing on my work. I was able to redirect the pain of letting go of the relationship into something that made me feel better about myself, and feeling good about myself allowed me to break up with my abuser and find someone who saw how amazing I was.

Related: Life Coach Reveals 6 Harsh Reasons You Keep Attracting Toxic Relationships

3. They have difficulty breaking routine

Patterns and routines play a huge role in our lives. Just think about your daily routine and how “disturbed” you feel when your patterns are broken.

For example, if you always eat breakfast before heading out the door and one day, you don’t manage to, you may not feel like yourself for the rest of the day.

Imagine feeling the same in a relationship. When a relationship is new, you establish patterns and routines with your partner, and those patterns and routines become so ingrained in our brains that breaking them can seem almost impossible.

You may consider leaving a toxic relationship sometimes, but find yourself stuck when you try to imagine what Christmas would be like without your partner, or when you wonder who will go to the movies with you every Wednesday.

Interestingly, even the cycle of breaking up and getting back together becomes a routine. You break up and then, like clockwork, eight weeks later he contacts you. And before you know it, you’ll be back where you started.

If you can get past the first birthday, next Wednesday night, or the eight-week mark, you can break this pattern. so you.

4. They accept the blame directed at them by their partners.

One of the most insidious things about toxic love is that after a while, you start blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong.

I have a client whose husband was having an affair with one of her employees. For three years, she asked her husband to leave that woman, and for three years, he promised to do so but never did. She was beside herself, and rightfully so.

Unfortunately, her husband did a great job of making her feel like their problems were her fault, and that if she could just let this go, they could be happy as a couple again.

His blaming and accusing of her became so intense that some days she questioned her sanity.

If you also blame yourself for the problems in your relationship and think that if you were a little nicer or paid more attention to him everything would be okay, then you need to stop. We all play a role in difficult situations in our lives, but they are not all your fault.

5. They believe this connection is unparalleled.

Many women fool themselves into believing that the relationship they share with a man who treats them poorly is like no other and that giving up the intense passion and connection they share would be a tragic waste.

Let me tell you that everyone feels this way about their current relationship.

Although your love for this man may be truly strong, it is not the “absolute” love in the world, and giving up on him does not mean that you will never experience a greater love in your life.

If you can let go of your toxic love, you are more likely to find a much deeper connection that is real, wonderful, and magical.

Letting go of toxic relationships is difficult. This may be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do, but letting go of toxic love is crucial to a happy life.

If you’re still unsure, ask yourself this obvious question: Could you be happy if the rest of your life was the same as your life today?

For me, finally, getting out of my toxic relationship gave me the time and strength I needed to focus on building my business and self-esteem, and in doing so, I realized I could break patterns and not only survive but thrive.

It’s okay to be alone.

Although your love was special, there is no better love in this world than your love for yourself.

Related: ‘Social Ditching’: How To Use Social Distancing To End A Toxic Relationship