Healthy relationships nourish and support us. On the other hand, a toxic relationship is like poison to us, instead of lifting us, it makes us feel bad. When it ends, we may experience post-traumatic stress or decreased self-esteem and confidence in ourselves and others.

However, although friends and family may ask us to leave, it can be difficult to let go – even though the relationship is harmful and painful.

Signs and symptoms

In a 2011 Glamor magazine poll, 60% of women between the ages of 18 and 35 said they had been abused. Nearly half had been in a physically abusive relationship, but don’t underestimate the damage caused by emotional abuse: it predicts stress and depression more than physical abuse, which is often preceded by emotional abuse.

1 It is not uncommon for people to minimize, deny, or justify their pain and unmet needs, and thus remain in a toxic relationship. In doing so, they underestimate the real consequences to their mental and physical health, including increased stress and depression.

Some crucial signs of a toxic relationship include:

You feel drained or hungry instead of nourished.
Your behavior is driven by fear, anger, or guilt.
Your needs and feelings are ignored.
You are “walking on eggshells” for fear of upsetting your partner.
You often feel taken advantage of, taken advantage of, or disrespected.

Which of the following behaviors are symptoms of a toxic relationship:

Violence, including physical and sexual assault or property damage.
Active addiction.
Chronic dishonesty
Gross irresponsibility.
Frequent or significant mood swings.
Chronic passive aggression.
Embezzlement of funds or property.
Emotional abuse, including repeated verbal abuse and manipulative, belittling, controlling punitive, or withholding behavior.

what should be done

If you’re experiencing any of these signs or symptoms, don’t keep it a secret. If you or your child is being physically abused, get help and safety right away. Talk to someone you trust and seek professional help — ideally in couple’s therapy.

However, if there is violence or coercion, individual counseling for each partner is preferred. If your partner is unwilling to get individual help or attend joint sessions, get individual help for yourself: the relationship can still change when there is only one person in counseling.

By not reacting, learning to trust yourself, speaking up, and setting boundaries, the toxic patterns in your relationship can improve. At the same time, keep a journal of your feelings. Observe and notice your partner’s behavior, how you feel, what is said, and what you want to say. Take action to build your self-esteem and learn how to be assertive. You will need support in making changes. Consider whether you are both willing to:

Reciprocate more.
Go to individual or group therapy and seek group support (such as a 12-step program; for example, Dependence Anonymous, Nar-Anon, or Al-Anon family groups for addiction).
Treat each other with more respect.
Take responsibility for your behavior.
Pay attention to the impact of your behavior on each other.

On the other hand, change is less likely if either of you:

Continue to be secretive or dishonest and you won’t admit it.
Violating the law or ethical standards without remorse.
He continued to be physically or emotionally abusive without any remorse.
Continue to act completely irresponsibly.

By getting help, your self-esteem will increase, and you can gain the confidence to better handle the relationship — or leave.

Once this is done, you may feel relieved and not miss your ex, but you can still benefit from professional help to rebuild your self-esteem, learn effective communication skills, and heal from the harmful effects of the relationship. This frees you to trust yourself and others again and enjoy a healthy, loving relationship in the future.

Signs and symptoms

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