Many people who come to me for advice ask, “Why do I attract toxic partners?” Or “How can I stay away from partners who do wrong for me?” Many of us settle for less than we deserve because we are afraid of being alone. If this is your tendency, gently remind yourself that you are a worthwhile person regardless of whether you are in a romantic relationship or not. The question of what is more important in a healthy, long-term relationship—chemistry or compatibility—is a crucial question when choosing a partner. Perhaps the first step in evaluating your past and current choices in partners is to examine the difference between compatibility and chemistry.

Chemistry: This usually refers to physical attraction but can include intellectual attraction as well. It’s about how much you care and motivate the person. Do you enjoy each other’s touch and is there chemistry? It is essential because without it you would be nothing more than friends. “But you can’t say you have good chemistry unless you can say, ‘I feel like there’s real affection here,'” author Mira Kirshenbaum wrote.

Compatibility: It’s about sharing common values and goals, having fun together, and liking each other. It helps sustain the couple through difficult times. However, both chemistry and compatibility are essential for a healthy, long-term intimate relationship. If you find yourself attracted to partners with whom you are not compatible, you may be tempted to have one-sided, unhealthy, or unhealthy relationships. Maybe you grew up in a family where you were a caregiver or focused more on making others happy. Maybe you felt like you had to be in a good mood regardless of your true feelings.

According to Dr. Harville Hendricks, we are attracted to romantic partners who fill a void from our childhood. Perhaps repeating the past is our way of taking control of unfinished business or seeking closure with the parents who hurt us. In his book Getting the Love You Want, Dr. Hendricks explains that choosing poor partners may have a lot to do with your subconscious image of your ideal mate based on your experiences with caregivers who strongly influenced you at an early age. It starts on the day you are born.

We all have a composite image of people who have influenced us in the past – their appearance, personality, tone of voice, behavior, and many other factors. In search of the picture, the perfect relationship, we unconsciously try to rebuild/fix what is broken. The truth is that women are especially vulnerable to engaging in one-sided relationships because we are raised to be “good girls” — people pleasers who always put other people’s needs before our own. Girls are often raised to ignore their inner voice, and this can set the stage for unhealthy relationships because they look to their partners for validation. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Here are some ways you can avoid getting into toxic relationships.

Here are 10 smart ways to avoid one-sided toxic relationships:

Be comfortable with being alone

Many people settle into relationships that are wrong for them because they are afraid of being single. Women are especially likely to feel stigmatized when they are not part of a couple.

Consider breaking your trades

Make a list of at least ten characteristics that are essential to you in a partner, such as being thoughtful or responsible. Choose a few of these things that are essential to your well-being and don’t compromise on them. For example, a partner who is trustworthy or who is there for you when you are having a difficult day.

Don’t settle for less than you deserve

When you compromise too many of the values that are important to you, these relationships usually fail. Focus on your deal breakers and choose a partner with whom you can share life and deepen your love over time.

Find a partner with whom you feel easy to be vulnerable

In other words, you can be yourself and not have to walk on eggshells. You feel secure in the relationship and are free to express your thoughts, feelings, and desires openly without fear of rejection.

Expect mutual respect

You can accept, admire, and respect each other as you are. If you don’t respect your partner, it will erode the chemistry until you have nothing left. A partner who truly cares about you is a boost to your self-esteem. He or she appreciates you, praises you, and encourages you to do things that are in your best interest.

Notice if your partner is trustworthy

Are they people you can rely on because they demonstrate consistency between their words and actions? When someone is interested in you, they will maintain their approval.

Here are 10 smart ways to avoid one-sided toxic relationships:

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