Toxic men usually act in contrast to being sensitive, but there are also times when they act naturally.
You may experience long periods when a man is loving, kind, and cooperative, leaving you feeling conflicted about whether or not he is good or bad for you.
Their inconsistent behavior creates a silent uncertainty in the partner’s mind, causing the partner to stay put and try hard to make things work, and this is exactly what toxic men rely on.
Initially, women fall in love with destructive men in moments when the man seems like a normal man or when he appears to be a victim because he is then seen as weak. Women fall into the trap of these men because they are overly sympathetic to them, never expecting that a man’s victim story might be made up to attract her romantically.
We have been conditioned to expect that relationships change and grow, so we expect that every relationship can change and grow.
But the unspoken truth is that there are many relationships—and many people—that cannot grow or change significantly enough to become healthy.
Without anticipating that it might be possible to be in a relationship that can’t get better, we don’t think to look for unsustainable changes, which keeps us stuck for longer than is good for us.
Related: 15 Tragic Signs You’re Stuck In A Toxic Relationship
When you start paying attention to the patterns of change in the relationship, as well as the way you respond to those changes that don’t last, you can begin to more accurately assess the situation and determine whether or not the man you’re dealing with is the one. Trying to keep you trapped and under his control.
Toxic men have many game plans, some of which are difficult to spot if you don’t know what to look for.
Here are 5 manipulation strategies men use that indicate he’s trying to trap you in a toxic relationship:
- Insist on deciding how and when to communicate.
He may frown, back away, or give you the silent treatment if you don’t do things his way.
There will be periodic arguments during which he will misrepresent what you said, focus excessively on isolated words in your discussion, argument, or point, and harp on them out of context, perhaps even weeks later.
Related: The Hidden Reason It’s So Hard To Leave A Toxic Relationship
- He unintentionally showers you with kindness and generosity (and then blocks you).
He may experience sudden mood swings for no apparent reason and without warning.
This type of behavior can be subtle, it may be a strange calmness or quiet, or a sudden, meaningless withdrawal.
- It deals with various topics with dramatic intensity.
This could be his job, success, money, or romance. Or he may strive to make intense, direct, and uncomfortable eye contact during a conversation.
Related: 5 Crystal-Clear Signs That Your Toxic Relationship Is Not Meant To Be
- He behaves in a friendly manner with or in front of others,
But it feels different when there’s no one else around.
Manipulative men are often highly skilled at putting on a good show of being the perfect gentlemen to their friends, family, or co-workers. But when you are alone, his behavior changes dramatically for the worse.
- It highlights you.
This means that you feel like you are misunderstanding things, that the conversation you were having wasn’t there, or that you are otherwise “crazy” and not feeling what you know to be true.
He may claim that the promise he made wasn’t fulfilled, or that it wasn’t delivered the way you understood it, but you know better.
Do you notice that there is a lot of wordplay going on? This is common, and it’s meant to keep you on your toes, doubting yourself and your judgment, and spinning around wondering if you were the one who got it wrong or if he made it up.
It’s exhausting.
Related: Women Who Escape Toxic Relationships Do These 12 Things To Stay Out Of Them Forever
A woman in a toxic, unchangeable relationship often has the same expectations she had for healthy, changeable relationships, so she gets busy waiting and expecting the situation to return to the “normal” she initially saw.
A toxic man’s tactics and actions play mind games on her and make her second guess herself, always wondering if she was right about the beginning and changed, or if he valued him incorrectly from the beginning and deceived her.
She can’t decipher the real man: the weak one she first met, the one who acts normal for long periods, or the one who plays games and hurts her.
In everyday moments, she questions herself because he acts as if she is imagining all the things she is experiencing. She began to wonder if maybe she was misunderstanding him. She secretly thinks: Could it be my faulty memory? did you forget? Is he right and never said X or agreed to Y?
But then she remembers that he did it, and the cycle continues in her mind.
Again, it’s a complete mind game, which these deformed people are very good at playing.
If you notice these strategies or a pattern of incomplete follow-through, start watching to see if there’s too much wordplay or if you feel he’s being reserved.
Monitor to make sure any changes you request occur and, if so, how long they will last. Improvements don’t last long with truly toxic men.
This is crazy stuff, and it’s not easy to see when you’re in it. But if you do, you will be on your way to breaking free and finding a peaceful, healthy relationship with someone who deserves you and makes you feel happy.
Related: Why It’s So Ridiculously Hard To Leave A Toxic Relationship