Being in a relationship can bring joy and happiness, but not all relationships are the same.

Signs of a toxic relationship can come in different shapes and sizes. But the end result is always that they diminish you instead of building you up.

It could be that you two get along like oil and water or that the other person isn’t a nice person at all.

In fact, your relationship may not only be toxic, but it may also be abusive.

Sometimes, you may wonder how to know when it’s time to break up with this toxic person.

Related: People who are really difficult to be around often exhibit these 8 behaviors without realizing it (according to psychology)

When we say someone is toxic, it doesn’t always mean they are evil or abusive. However, the traits and behaviors listed below are cruel and abusive.

Either way, a mistake is a mistake. Unhealthy relationships do you no good at all.

Here are 17 ugly signs that you are in a toxic relationship:

1. You feel unable to express your identity
2. Your partner controls your money.
3. You have become isolated from your friends and family
4. You feel defensive as if you are constantly hiding something to prevent an explosion.
5. You feel that if you were different, things would be better.
6. Your friends and family tried to convince you to end the relationship.
7. The relationship hijacked you instead of adding it to your life.
8. You are “staying for the kids” or for some other reason.
9. They fight dirty and are physically abused.
10. They criticize you. This includes vile “jokes” made at your expense.
11. You spend more time resolving conflicts than being happy.
12. You don’t like the person you have become.
13. They make you feel small.
14. It’s all about them.
15. They treat you with disdain.
16. To cope, you examined and ignored problems.
17. One or both of you are currently cheating, and no effort has been made to move past it.

Does anything on this list look familiar to you?

If there seem to be clear signs of abuse (as in numbers 2, 3, 4, 9, 10, 13, and 15) or if your relationship has gone down a destructive and abusive path, I strongly urge you to leave.

Abusive relationships don’t get better. The control is not improving

This leaves the remaining problems, most of which revolve around the “loss of self” in the relationship.

There is a possibility that your relationship has become centered around your partner and constant conflict with them.

These problems are still serious, but there is hope that things can be salvaged between you… if you want to.

Related: 7 habits of unsuccessful people who are always playing catch up in life

Here are 5 things you can do to fix the relationship and make things better:

1. Get advice.

A professional can help you handle disagreements better and facilitate communication between you.

They can also get you and your partner talking to each other again. If your partner refuses to go to counseling, go yourself.

A professional can provide you with an unbiased view of your condition. They can also help you get your voice back if you walk out.

Related: 10 things a toxic man will do when he realizes he can no longer control you

2. Do something regularly that builds you up.

This advice is good if you feel lost in your relationship. Sacrifice is so common that we often wake up and realize that we feel like shadows of our former selves.

The upside is that you can change this problem by ensuring you do things to take care of yourself.

Creative activities, seeing your friends and family, sports, and hobbies are all ways to get your mojo back.

3. Try to put yourself in their shoes.

One big cause of misunderstanding is that one or both people in the relationship don’t make an effort to see things from another point of view.

Without empathy, disagreements quickly turn into extended exercises in the blame game. Try to see their side of things and empathize with them. Find your role in disagreements.

Related: 13 behaviors of people who have very little self-respect, according to psychology

4. Talk.

If you’re hurting and haven’t told them, now is a good time to sit down with them and have an emotional conversation about the way things are.

You deserve to have a frank conversation about your relationship. If this is impossible, that brings me to my next point.

5. Decide if your relationship is worth it or not.

Only you can say for sure whether it is worth trying and fighting for your relationship or breaking up and calling it quits.

Toxic relationships can break you as a person, but there are ways to communicate your thoughts and needs to your toxic partner.

However, if abused, don’t pass, don’t collect $200…just leave!

Related: 13 behaviors of people who have very little self-respect, according to psychology