Dealing with a narcissist can be incredibly stressful.
Like a Trojan horse, they enter your life under pretenses. They may flatter you, attack you, or convince you that they are your friend.
But beware, it’s all a smokescreen (blitz)!
The truth is that they are masters of wordplay, manipulation, and psychological warfare.
This ability to twist the truth (and guilt) enables them to turn an innocent comment into a heinous attack, making them the “innocent victim.”
Before you know it, you’re the “bad guy” and apologizing for something you didn’t even do.
It’s talent – they’ve achieved art.
So, how can you prevent yourself from getting caught up in their web of lies? According to psychology, you should listen to these six phrases.
1) “Calm down, you’re overreacting.”
Look familiar?
Well, this is gaslighting at its finest.
Narcissists often use these or similar statements to undermine your feelings and completely ignore them.
In psychology, it is called minimization and is a form of emotional manipulation (gaslighting).
but this is not all.
By describing your reaction as irrational or excessive, they make you question what happened.
It gets to the point where you blame yourself and assume fault, making you the bad guy (or scapegoat).
The truth is.
They deviate, all to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. It’s classic NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) behavior.
2) “I was just kidding.”
Who here has not heard this phrase before?
Someone insults you to your face, then adds “I’m just kidding” at the end to belittle their behavior.
They may double down by following up with “Why can’t you just let it go” or “You need to toughen up” to cover their backs and avoid accountability.
They may flat-out claim that “this never happened,” leaving you to question your recollection of the events (along with your sanity).
Here’s the need.
Even though they are lying, narcissists have a way of confusing you into submission. Eventually, you become so disoriented that you can’t tell which way is up or down.
In other words, they trick you into thinking it’s your fault.
Not only does this tactic undermine the validity of your feelings, but it also makes you wonder if (maybe) you’re the bad guy.
It’s a never-ending cycle of manipulation, invalidation, and avoidance. According to psychologists, this is their way of controlling you.
3) “If you loved me, you would…”
If your partner or loved one uses this phrase, beware of the guilt trip.
This is a narcissist’s favorite tactic.
For good reason.
Guilt is a powerful emotion. It combines feelings of shame, anxiety, pride and embarrassment.
Psychologists describe guilt as a “self-conscious” act that involves “thinking.”
You can feel guilty for any number of reasons, but it is usually triggered by thinking that you have made a moral mistake or failed to do something you should have done.
But it’s not a perfect system (by any means) and narcissists have learned how to use this to their advantage.
Simply put, they guilt trip you.
Using emotional blackmail and manipulation, they question your love and commitment to get you to change your mind, prioritize their needs over yours, and conform to their demands.
Another example is to say something like: “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?”
By bringing up past actions they did for you, they tug at your heartstrings to paint you as the bad guy and remind you that you owe them.
4) “You’re too sensitive”
Similar to the phrase “You’re overreacting,” this phrase hits you on multiple levels.
They don’t just make fun of you by belittling your feelings, they blame you.
how?
Well, by calling you highly sensitive, they are implying that the problem is your vulnerability and not your hurtful behavior.
Let me explain.
Studies show that narcissists often display high levels of vulnerable characteristics. For example, hypersensitivity, devaluation, insecurity, and of course victimhood.
As a result, when they make a mistake, they become defensive (blame-shifting). What’s more, they make you the bad guy by playing the victim card.
In psychology, when someone regularly displays a victim mentality, there is a high probability that they suffer from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
It’s backed by research.
5) “It’s not my fault, you made me do it.”
Even when confronted with compelling evidence (such as receipts, letters, photos, and eyewitnesses), the person with BPD will find a way to redirect attention (and blame) back to you.
The truth is that narcissists are not as prone to empathy, guilt, and shame as we are. There are psychological studies about it.
This leads to unethical behavior and a lack of accountability or ownership. Instead, they will blame work, stress, money, and even you.
It’s their way of taking back control.
They may say “You’re the problem,” accuse you of “just trying to start drama,” or make sweeping generalizations by starting sentences with “You’re always/You’re never.”
This is because deflection is often followed by attacks or insults.
This distinguishes this behavior from an unconscious defense mechanism and a sign of narcissism.
6) “I am the victim here”
Narcissists often use a controlling, manipulative tactic known in psychology as DARVO (anonymous).
First, they gaslight you (denial). Then they insult you (attack). Finally, they turn the tables by playing the victim and engaging in victim blaming (as opposed to victim and perpetrator).
Examples of this include saying, “I’m the victim here,” or claiming, “You’re a bad person.”
According to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, this allows them to get validation and keep their ego intact.
