Navigating new relationships can be difficult, especially when you’re dealing with a narcissist.

As a relationship expert and founder of the Love Connection blog, I’ve seen it all. Narcissists have this uncanny ability to instantly charm you. They know how to make you feel special, unique, and completely loved.

In my experience, there are certain things that narcissists do at the beginning of a relationship that make them irresistible. These actions are designed to attract you, making it difficult for you to see their less delicious qualities.

Let me share with you 8 things a narcissist does to charm you at the beginning of a relationship. This knowledge can help you avoid the toxic relationship trap and make healthy choices in love.

1) Immersive magic

Narcissists are masters of magic, especially at the beginning of a relationship.

Magic attack is their first weapon of choice. They know how to put on a show that can make you feel special, flattered, and irresistibly attracted to them. They will shower you with compliments, attention, and affection.

This is not about real connection or admiration. It’s a calculated move to win you over. It makes you feel like the most important person in the world, creating a feeling of euphoria that is hard to resist.

But here’s the problem – it’s not about you. It has to do with their need for admiration and control.

Recognizing this pattern can be your first step toward protecting yourself from the magic of manipulation. Always remember, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

2) Fast commitment

Narcissists tend to speed up the pace of a new relationship.

Over the years I’ve spent guiding people through the maze of love, I’ve seen this tactic used time and time again. Narcissists will push for commitment early, often declaring their love within weeks or even days.

It’s fun, isn’t it? Being the center of someone’s world so quickly can feel intoxicating.

But this rush toward commitment is not about love; It’s about controlling and securing their ‘supply’ – that’s you.

3) Mirror your dreams

Narcissists are experts at mirroring your deepest desires back to you.

They listen attentively when you share your dreams and aspirations, only to repeat them back to you. It’s as if they read your mind – they want exactly what you want. This reflection creates a strong bond and makes you believe that you have found your soul mate.

But keep in mind that this is often more about manipulation than real connection. Narcissists use your dreams to build the illusion of the perfect partner.

In my book Breaking the Attachment: How to Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I delve into this phenomenon and guide how to spot and deal with such situations.

Remember, true love involves two unique people coming together, not just a reflection of one another’s desires.

4) weak

Surprisingly, narcissists can appear very vulnerable at the beginning of a relationship.

This may seem counter-intuitive, given their reputation for being selfish and arrogant. But remember, they are skilled manipulators. They often share personal stories of past hurt and betrayal early in the relationship, portraying themselves as the victim.

This vulnerability can be incredibly attractive. It appeals to your compassion and your desire to provide comfort and support. It can also make you feel special – chosen as the one person they can open up to.

But be careful. This “vulnerability” is often a ploy to elicit sympathy and create a bond. It’s not about participating, it’s about securing your loyalty and commitment.

As always, take things slowly. True vulnerability is built over time and isn’t presented on a silver platter on the first few dates.

5) Excessive focus on you

In the early stages, the narcissist may seem incredibly interested in you.

From my personal experience, this may seem great at first. They want to know everything about you – your likes, dislikes, dreams, fears, and past experiences. They make you the center of their universe.

However, this intense focus is not driven by genuine interest or emotion. It serves two main purposes: to make you feel seen and valued so you’ll be more likely to fall in love with them, and to gather information they can use to their advantage later.

While it’s nice to have someone interested in knowing you in-depth, it’s also important to make sure it’s mutual and not exploitative.

Always trust your instincts!

6) Too good to be true

This is the basic truth – if someone seems too good to be true, they probably are.

Narcissists often present themselves as the perfect partner. They are charming, attractive, attentive, and seem to be everything you could ever want. It can feel like you’ve hit the jackpot in a relationship.

But perfection does not exist. We are all human and we all have our flaws. Anyone who appears flawless is likely hiding something or wearing a mask.

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t believe in love or look for the best in people. But it’s important to remember that true love is about accepting someone for who they are, flaws and all.

So, don’t be fooled by the illusion of perfection.

7) Love bombing

Have you ever experienced love bombing? It’s an intense, overwhelming display of affection and attention that can sweep you off your feet.

Narcissists often use this tactic to seduce you. They will shower you with compliments, gifts, and declarations of love. It’s intoxicating and can make you feel like you’re living in a fairy tale.

But as sweet as it may sound, love bombing is a red flag. It is a manipulative tactic used to control and create dependency.

Don’t let the glamor of love bombing blind you from seeing the true colors of your relationship.

8) Future faker

Let’s be real here – the narcissist is often the master of the “fake future.”

They’ll talk about your future together ahead of time, paint beautiful pictures of life together, and make big promises about what lies ahead. This can make you feel secure and cherished, and deepen your emotional investment in the relationship.

But this is the bitter truth: these are often just empty promises. Narcissists use these fake future products to keep you hooked and hopeful.

True love is not built on vague promises of a perfect future. It is built on shared experiences, mutual respect, and consistent actions in the present.

So keep your eyes open for these future fakeouts and remember that actions always speak louder than words.

finalthoughts

Dealing with relationships, especially with a narcissist, can be difficult. But with awareness and understanding, you can protect yourself from falling into a toxic relationship.

Remember these signs, trust your instincts, and don’t forget that true love is about respect, honesty, and mutual growth. It’s not about control or manipulation.

For more ideas and guidance, you may find my book Breaking the Attachment: How to Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship helpful.