If you’ve ever interacted with a narcissist, you’ll know that they have a knack for using guilt to their advantage.
This manipulation can leave you feeling helpless, second-guessing, and even questioning your sanity.
Narcissism isn’t just an inflated ego — it’s a recognized mental health disorder, and dealing with these individuals can be challenging, to say the least.
They may use strategic tactics to induce you to feel guilty for personal gain or their satisfaction. Unfortunately, these tactics can be incredibly sneaky and are often difficult to detect.
Understanding the psychological mechanisms at play may be your first step to overcoming these difficult situations.
So, today let’s dive into 7 sneaky ways narcissists use guilt to set you up, according to psychology:
1) Blame game
“Look what you made me do…”
According to psychologists, narcissists are adept at blaming others.
Let’s say you had a falling out with a narcissist. Instead of taking responsibility for their role in the conflict, they will turn it around and make it seem as if it is all your fault.
They may use phrases such as: “If you hadn’t made me angry, I wouldn’t have behaved this way.”
This tactic works to make you feel guilty about their actions, effectively diverting attention from their behavior toward you.
If you’re not aware, this guilt can become all-consuming — and you end up apologizing and taking responsibility that you don’t.
You may find yourself trying to make adjustments or even change your behavior in an attempt to prevent future conflicts.
This type of manipulation is a powerful tool in a narcissist’s arsenal. It allows them to avoid accountability while at the same time gaining control over their emotions and actions.
By recognizing this tactic, you can begin to see through their manipulative tricks and protect your emotional health.
2) The silent treatment
Narcissists are also known for using the silent treatment as a form of punishment.
It may seem strange that silence can lead to feelings of guilt, but that is exactly what happens.
When a narcissist stays silent, it can be very troubling. You may find yourself racking your brain trying to figure out what you did wrong.
The silent treatment is not about the narcissist needing space to calm down, as may be the case in other relationships.
Instead, it’s a calculated approach that leaves you feeling anxious and guilty, forcing you into a position where you feel you need to make adjustments just to regain connection.
3) Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a staple in the narcissist’s playbook. It is a technique that makes you question your reality, memories, or perceptions.
It is not just a disagreement or a misunderstanding, but a deliberate act to destabilize your confidence in your judgment.
The narcissist may persistently tell you that something didn’t happen when you know it did, or vice versa.
They may accuse you of being overly sensitive or paranoid when you criticize their behavior.
Over time, this can lead to self-doubt and guilt.
According to research, long-term exposure to gas lighting can lead to mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression.
Recognizing when you are exposed to it is the first step in combating its harmful effects.
4) Emotional blackmail
Have you ever experienced emotional blackmail? It’s the perfect way for a narcissist to use their feelings of love, fear, or duty against you.
For example, a narcissist might say something like: “If you loved me, you would do this for me.”
This puts you in a difficult position where you may feel guilty for not meeting their expectations.
I’ve been there and it’s not an experience I would like to have again.
But what I’ve learned is how important it is to set boundaries. To make decisions that are in my best interest, not theirs.
If you feel pressured to do something you don’t feel comfortable with, it’s okay to say no. Respecting your needs and boundaries is an important part of maintaining healthy relationships.
It’s not easy to stand up to emotional blackmail, especially when it’s coming from someone you care about.
But remember, your feelings and well-being are as important as anyone else’s. You are not alone, and there are resources available to help overcome these difficult situations.
5) Exploiting your weaknesses against you
Aside from using your love as a weapon, a narcissist also has a talent for finding your weaknesses and using them as ammunition. They know exactly where to get the reaction they want, whether it’s making you feel bad about past mistakes, insecurities, or fears.
Let’s face it, none of us are perfect. We all have things we’re not proud of or insecurities that we struggle with.
With a real person, it’s good to share these vulnerabilities – you can feel a sense of security.
But with a narcissist, it’s the opposite. The narcissist will exploit these weaknesses of yours to make you feel guilty and thus gain power over you.
Although it is bitter, understanding this tactic can provide you with the knowledge and strength needed to stand against it.
Remember that everyone has weaknesses and it is not okay for someone to exploit them to manipulate them.
You are more than just your past mistakes or insecurities, and it’s time to stand up for yourself.
6) Playing the victim
Do you know that friend who always seems to be having a crisis? Or the coworker who always seems to have been wronged? These may be signs that the narcissist is playing the victim.
In this scenario, the narcissist portrays himself as the perpetual victim to attract sympathy and attention.
They spin stories and situations to make it seem like they are always on the receiving end of injustice.
As a caring friend or colleague, you feel obligated to support them and often feel guilty when you can’t live up to their expectations.
You may start blaming yourself for not being there enough for them, even when you’re trying your best.
This is a very common form of manipulation where the narcissist exploits your compassion for his benefit.
Learning about the victim’s story can help you set healthy boundaries and conserve your emotional energy.
7) Excessive guilt
Sometimes, it may just be an excessive feeling of guilt.
For example, I once planned a weekend getaway with my work friends.
I was so excited about it, but then my boyfriend at the time started making comments like, “I think you don’t care about spending time with me anymore,” or “I see where your priorities lie.”
Suddenly, I started to feel like my long-awaited trip was a burden. I felt guilty for wanting to do something for myself.
This is a classic example of a narcissist’s excessive guilt. They try to make you feel guilty about pursuing your interests or relationships outside of them.
The goal is to control the relationship and center it around themselves.
Don’t take this tactic while sitting down. You have the right to have interests and relationships outside of one individual.
