You’re with a great husband, and you’re generally happy with the state of your marriage…except for one thing. You have a narcissistic husband, and he’s driving you crazy! Regardless, they create drama and generally make your life more difficult.

Narcissistic relatives can be stressful and frustrating for everyone involved. But things can get more complicated when you’re dealing with your spouse’s family. Here’s what you need to know and how you can deal with it.

Signs of a narcissistic father-in-law

Maybe you know something is wrong with your spouse, but you’re not quite sure if you’re overreacting (or if it’s just being particularly difficult). As it stands now, narcissism can be confusing and often manifests itself in different ways. Here are some clear signs that you are dealing with a narcissist.
Always need attention

Whether the attention is positive or negative, the narcissist needs to be in the spotlight. This need for attention knows no bounds. They will interrupt people, monopolize conversations, and even feign dramatic crises just to get people to listen to them.
Exploiting others

Narcissists care much more about their own needs than they care about anyone else’s needs. Relationships are therefore purely transactional. They only seek to get closer to people based on what others can offer them. Therefore, you can expect exploitative behaviors such as lying, exaggerating, downplaying, or even denying certain actions.
Severe mood swings

Your husband may be charming and friendly at times. But you learned that their emotions can change instantly. That’s because narcissists have incredibly weak egos. Anytime something threatens that ego, they feel personally attacked. As a result, they become over-reactive.

Severe mood swings can look like this:

• Complete withdrawal from the conversation or scene
  Yelling, threatening, or blaming people
  Crying and being unable to console when others try to help
  Respond passive-aggressively

Constantly fishing for compliments

Narcissists want to be admired and go to great lengths to ensure that others praise them. A constant stream of validation maintains the narcissistic supply.

Compliment hunting can look like this:

Outwardly bragging about their accomplishments
Making self-deprecating comments (knowing that others will challenge them)
Humble bragging

Ignore your needs

Narcissists will only care about your needs when your needs benefit them. There are very few exceptions to this rule. Thus, you can expect the narcissist to continue to deny, belittle, or even ridicule your needs. If they don’t agree with what they want, don’t expect them to care.
How a Narcissistic In-Law Can Affect Your Marriage

There is a saying that when you marry someone, you marry their entire family.

And when it comes to narcissists, this statement probably hits too close to home. You may not have asked for these parents, but you probably feel stuck with them. Additionally, these relationships certainly matter, and research shows that 11% of husbands cite their in-laws as a major factor in divorce.

Your narcissistic spouse is likely to cause the most damage if your spouse is unable (or unwilling) to recognize the seriousness of his or her behavior. If they are constantly defending their mother or father, this will cause problems. You’ll likely feel lonely, frustrated, and resentful if they don’t want to change the dynamic.

How you set (or don’t set) boundaries can also determine the quality of your marriage. If you avoid the problem or hope it will resolve on its own, you are sure to be disappointed. As you know, narcissists do not change their ways easily. This is especially true if they have no incentive to stop their strange behavior.

Finally, narcissists can cause serious ruptures if you have children. They often believe that they have the right to participate in your upbringing. As a result, they will often try to interfere in your affairs, invalidate them, or even “play favorites” with your children.

How to deal with a narcissistic husband

Life with a narcissist is never easy. Even if you want to cut ties completely, doing so may not be practical. If your husband wants to maintain the relationship with his parents, you will need to keep the following strategies in mind.
Talk directly to your wife

It’s one thing if your husband recognizes toxic behavior and addresses it effectively. It’s another thing if you’re stuck in this power struggle where your husband defends his parents and takes his side in the argument.

The first step is patience. Exploring narcissism is painful, and is often what adult children want to do

To protect their parents and give them the benefit of the doubt. Your husband may not be quite ready to recognize the seriousness of the situation. Likewise, they may be so emotionally abused and exhausted that they only see themselves as having the problem.

However, you must identify the problems you have noticed. Be as specific as possible, and don’t be shy about saying exactly how you feel.

Remember, your spouse may feel anxious, guilty, or upset about the possibility of being “stuck in the middle.” This is normal, they have spent their entire lives trying to manage this impossible situation. Try to be as supportive as possible while also standing your ground.
Border cooperation

Narcissists are like little children who never grow up. They are selfish, ego-driven, and only focused on meeting their own needs. Your narcissistic spouse has probably shown this to you over and over again.

Whether your narcissistic mother-in-law wants to spend every waking moment with your children or your narcissistic father-in-law becomes explosive when things don’t go his way, setting boundaries is essential if you want to maintain any semblance of functioning. relationship.

So, you and your spouse need to come together to decide what boundaries you want to implement. Ideally, you should present as united a front as possible. Because when narcissists assume they can triangulate themselves among others, they will. They will happily pit people against each other just to get what they want.

It may include some clear boundaries.

“I will not tolerate your mother criticizing my upbringing. If you do that, I will leave home immediately.
“I won’t spend time with your father alone. I’m fine with him visiting as long as you’re with me.”
“I just want to stay with your parents for two hours. If you want to stay longer, I will take a separate car.

Define clear exit strategies

Most people find that they need escape plans when dealing with a narcissist. After all, things can escalate very quickly. Sometimes, it’s no longer safe to be in the same room.

Having a business plan can help. Whether it’s a password you share with your spouse or a reminder to yourself, it’s important to know when to leave.

Don’t feel the need to apologize. You are an adult, and you are allowed to limit your time with toxic people.