to my love”,
Because of my narcissistic personality traits, what I am about to say is not something I would say or admit (to you). Doing so would end the winner-takes-all game in our relationship that is my main source of joy in life — and which effectively manipulates you into taking on my baggage.
And that’s the point.
But the truth is, when I say, “I love you,” it’s just my narcissistic personality disorder at work, trying to guilt and shame you for doing what I want.
Related: I Mistook My Covert Narcissist Husband For A Simple, Easygoing Man — The Crucial Sign I Missed
Like me, this is what men with narcissistic personality traits mean when we say, “I love you.”
1. “I love how hard you work to make me feel like I’m your everything.”
I would love to be the center of your life, that you would want me to be happy, and that I would never be expected to do the same. I love the power I have when I use your kindness and intentions to be kind.
I love the pleasure I derive from you when I make myself feel huge in comparison to you, and I take every opportunity to make you feel small and insignificant.
I love the feeling I get when I think of you as a weak, weak, and emotionally tender person. I like to look down on you because of your innocence and your childish naivety – your weakness.
I love the way I feel when I know that through psychological manipulation – a form of psychological manipulation that makes you, the victim, feel ashamed and wrong – what you want to discuss or address will never happen.
And I love this narcissistic force that I have to train you to feel “crazy” even if I ask or raise issues that do not concern me. It serves the dual purpose of effectively lowering your expectations of me and what I’m able to offer you, while I mine all that you have to offer.
2. “I love how easy it is to focus on relieving my pain.”
I love how, no matter what you do, you will never make me feel good enough, loved enough, respected enough, or appreciated enough. Misery loves company.
It’s not about the closeness, sympathy, or emotional connection you want, or what I did that hurt or embarrassed you, or how little time I spend interacting with you or your children. It’s about my situation and doing my job to keep you where you are, hurting and worthless to me.
I’m superior and I’m entitled to all the joy, admiration, and comfort in our relationship, remember?
3. “I love how I feel when you are with me – like you belong to me.”
Like driving a hot car, I love the extent to which it enhances my standing in the eyes of others, lets them know I’m the best, etc. I like to think that other people are jealous of my possessions.
I love the power I have to make you work hard to prove your love and loyalty, and I wonder what else you have to do to “prove” your loyalty in a way that appeals to my narcissistic personality.
I love the way I feel when I’m with you. Given how often I hate and look down on others in general, the mirror neurons in my brain cause me to constantly experience feelings of self-loathing. And so I love that I can love myself through you.
I also love hating you for being “needy” because I have to depend on you or someone else for anything.
4. “I like to have someone to take the blame when I feel this need.”
Feeling contempt for you seems to protect me from something I hate to admit: I feel completely dependent on you to “feed” my sense of superiority and entitlement so that I can keep the illusion of power alive in my mind.
Nothing makes me feel more fragile and vulnerable than not having control over something that would tarnish my image and superior status. When you wonder how I “treat” you, that is major evidence of my superiority over the world.
You’re mine, remember? It’s my job to teach you to hate and act cruelly toward those “crazy” things that only “weak” people need, like “closeness” and “emotional things.”
And by the way, I know this “works” because my childhood taught me to do this to myself on the inside.
It makes me happy because my narcissistic personality traits can easily make you flustered, make you act “crazy” for not getting what you want from me, make you repeat yourself, and say and do things that you will hate yourself for later.
For any hurt or complaint you share, you can be sure that I will make fun of you later for keeping you spinning around in a hurry, always trying to explain yourself, always doubting yourself, and trying to figure out why you don’t “get” it.
(There’s nothing to be gained! To crack the code, you have to look through my lens, not mine. And the fact that you can’t figure it out, after all the ways I’ve mistreated you, is proof to me. of my genetic superiority.)
5. “I like to make you feel insecure at the drop of a hat.”
I care about other women, my friends, my family, my kids – the list is endless. I offer what you do not get from me, to mock you and make you beg for what I easily give to others.
I like to make you wonder why it is so easy for me to give what you want to others, to express my feelings or affection, to offer them praise – that is, when it serves my pleasure and to watch you suffer while I do it.
I love the power I have to get you back whenever you threaten to leave by throwing little crumbs your way. I’m excited to see how quickly I can convince you to trust me when I turn on the magic and trick you into thinking, this time, I’ll change.
And I need you because of the self-hatred I carry inside me as a narcissist. I need someone who won’t give up on me so I can use him as a punching bag, to make myself feel good by making him feel bad about himself.
This is how I enjoy myself because I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the way I numb and deny the scary feelings I carry inside that I wish I would never admit. I hate any signs of weakness in me, and that’s why I hate you and all the “nice” weaklings I consider inferior, stupid, and weak.
Related: 7 Tiny Signs You’re Caught In A Narcissistic Abandonment Cycle With Your Partner
6. “I love reforming and shaping your thoughts and beliefs.”
I love controlling your mind, so consider me your miracle and your savior, your source of life and sustenance upon which you depend, a place to return to, no matter how hard you try to fly away or jump.
I love that it makes me feel like a god and that I’m able to keep you focused and obsessed with making me feel worshiped and adored. Pretty narcissistic of me, huh?
You sacrifice everything to prove yourself so that I won’t judge or reject you. You do not seek to please anyone else, and of course, I have the sole right to administer rewards and punishments as I please.
I love how I can use my power to keep you down, doubt yourself, question your sanity, obsess over-explaining yourself to me (and others), declare your loyalty, and wonder what’s wrong with you.
You don’t realize that you can’t make someone like me “happy.” I derive my sense of strength and pleasure from feeling contempt for the weak who allow me to take advantage of them.
7. “I love the way I feel when I see myself through your admiring eyes.”
You are my feel-good drug, my devoted audience, and my biggest fan and admirer. Training you to look up to Me, never question Me, and gladly bow down to serve Me as your never-falling, all-knowing, all-powerful source of knowledge is my ultimate goal—my favorite medicine.
You may have noticed how affected I am at any sign of your questioning me. I hate how weak I feel in moments like these, worried that failing to train you in silent submission will tarnish my image in the world, something I care about more than anything else.
And I love that, no matter how hard I beg and plead for my love and admiration and feel appreciated in return, it won’t happen, as long as I’m in control.
Why would I, when my narcissistic personality is addicted to deriving pleasure from depriving you of anything that makes you feel worthwhile, allow her to be the wind beneath your wings, risking you flying away from me?
