Do you look in the mirror and see a competent achiever? Someone who is in charge of every event and is always popular and in the spotlight. When you are at home and out of the limelight, you feel empty and you fill the void by demanding attention and compliance with your needs. If this is you, you may be the child of a narcissistic parent.
Or do you look in the mirror and see someone who spends their life trying to please others? Time and time again, you are left emotionally drained while constantly making others happy but receiving nothing in return. You too may be the child of a narcissistic parent. You may be the child of a parent who lacks the ability, compassion, and ability to care for you. The parents demanded everything about them.
Related: The ‘Karpman Drama Triangle’ Perfectly Explains Why It’s Hard To Leave A Narcissist
#Here are 5 steps to heal (and move on) from your narcissistic parent:
1. Accept the truth.
Your parent always puts his or her needs and desires first, leaving you with a void that needs nurturing. It can be painful to feel that you were not loved as a child, especially by your parents. Hiding from this personal truth will not heal it or make it go away.
This little child inside you has had experiences that guide all your actions and reactions as an adult and will continue to do so until their stories are heard and their truths are known. You may tell yourself that your parents did their best, but that is only part of the truth. They tried their best but could not meet your needs. Accepting this truth can free you from feelings of guilt and help get rid of negative feelings toward your parents that hinder your fulfillment and happiness.
What you can do: Revisit times you remember giving them the “benefit of the doubt,” give them credit for doing their best, and add: “They weren’t able to meet my needs, and I did my best at that.” My life.” Write as clearly as possible what you needed at that time in your life that your parents did not give you.
Related: I Almost Missed This Subtle Red Flag On My First Date With A Narcissist
2. Launching old experiments.
Even if we don’t realize it, these experiences are stored in our bodies. These stored memories, without our knowledge, trigger our actions and reactions. There are many ways to symbolize the release of these memories.
What you can do: Write down an experience that shows you in as much detail as possible, especially regarding how you felt when your parents did not recognize your needs. Rotate the piece of paper upwards. Stand with your arm in front of you and hold the paper in your fist so tightly that it almost hurts.
Feel how holding this leaf causes discomfort and does not help, nourish, or bring any satisfaction. Will you open your hand and allow the crumpled paper to fall to the ground while saying in your heart, “Release (fill in here: the feelings aroused by the situation).” Repeat until you feel release throughout your body.
3. Communicate with courage.
When you were a child, you did your best in the situations you found yourself in. Being raised by a narcissistic parent presented you with many challenges – challenges that you faced with courage and resilience whether you knew it or not.
What you can do: Mention times when you did your best in difficult situations. Recognize your courage in the face of fear, witness your intelligence in solving problems, and recognize your resilience. Gently fold this paper and place it lightly, like a butterfly, in your open palm.
Feel it almost weightless in your hand and know that it is you – it has always been you. Slowly rotate your wrist to allow the paper to flutter to the floor with the certain knowledge that the little kid with this bravery, resilience, intelligence, and more is you.
4. Continue to empathize.
From this moment on, you can heal yourself by giving your child your affection, your care, your care, your praise, and everything you missed when you were a child.
What you can do: Bring gentle compassion to this neglected and, in some cases, abused young child. When they come to you, listen with gentle empathy, without judgment. Don’t respond with, “Yes, but…” Instead, look with new eyes and admiration at the courage and resilience of your younger self.
5. Maintain mental alertness.
This is all about being aware of your reactions in your current life. You may still find yourself feeling those familiar feelings that make you act out in a certain way and remind you of the worst about your parents. If you do, pause and think about the beliefs you still hold about how to survive in this world and take a few moments of mindfulness to find a better way.
What you can do: Pause. Find a quiet place if you can. Accept and welcome what comes. Show gentle compassion to the part of you that feels afraid, believing that it is not up to par.
A parent who sucked your youthful vitality out of you, leaving you as an adult searching for fulfillment and recognition outside of yourself. The applause of public adulation or recognition from those to whom you give everything is what you think you need to survive, to be “good enough.” All is not lost. You can heal this unhealthy cycle. When you were a child, you did your best but didn’t have the resources to do anything more.
The child who craves love, approval, and support is still inside you. You can, if you choose to do this work, give them unconditional support to heal the old wound and heal yourself as an adult child of a narcissistic parent.
