They may only use you for their gratification, never giving of themselves and keeping the relationship completely unbalanced.
Furthermore, because narcissism can dangerously veer into psychopathic or sociopathic territory, relationships with a highly narcissistic person can pose serious challenges and risks.
What is healthy narcissism versus unhealthy narcissism?
We all have moments when we feel tired, stressed, or angry. We can all become so self-absorbed to the exclusion of what others want, need, or feel. We can all criticize and attack others at times.
Naturally, healthy self-love helps us be optimistic and secure in the face of these and other negative feelings.
However, those with narcissistic personality disorder go beyond normal self-involvement.
The American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), defines narcissistic personality disorder as “a persistent style of grandiosity, a persistent desire for admiration, combined with a lack of empathy…of any 5 of the 9 criteria next:
They may only use you for their gratification, never giving of themselves and keeping the relationship completely unbalanced.
Furthermore, because narcissism can dangerously veer into psychopathic or sociopathic territory, relationships with a highly narcissistic person can pose serious challenges and risks.
What is healthy narcissism versus unhealthy narcissism?
We all have moments when we feel tired, stressed, or angry. We can all become so self-absorbed to the exclusion of what others want, need, or feel. We can all criticize and attack others at times.
Naturally, healthy self-love helps us be optimistic and secure in the face of these and other negative feelings.
However, those with narcissistic personality disorder go beyond normal self-involvement.
The American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), defines narcissistic personality disorder as “a persistent style of grandiosity, a persistent desire for admiration, combined with a lack of empathy…of any 5 of the 9 criteria next:
“Narcissism” is a term that gets thrown around frequently, but the way it’s commonly used in modern dating and relationship advice is often unclear or inaccurate.
The word conjures a negative image! However, we all fall somewhere between absolute selflessness and complete arrogance.
When the word narcissist is used casually, most people are referring to the outer edge of typical behavior on this spectrum, as opposed to a pattern of pathological behaviors that might lead to a clinical diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
You will have difficulties developing emotional intimacy, trust, and closeness with a narcissist because he or she is too absorbed in himself and what is important to him to be emotionally available to others.
- Great logic for self-importance
- Fixation with delusions of endless success, control, intelligence, beauty, or perfect love
- Credibility is that he is unusual and exceptional and can only be understood or communicated by unusual or important people or institutions
- – Desire for unjustified admiration
- A sense of entitlement
- Oppressive interpersonal behavior
- There is no form of empathy
- Resentment toward others or belief that others resent oneself
- A display of selfish or arrogant behaviors or attitudes
In his book Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists, Harvard Medical School psychologist Dr. Craig Malkin further categorizes these behaviors into what he refers to as the core “3 E’s” of narcissism.
- Exploitation: Willingness to do whatever it takes, including lying and manipulation, to get their needs met.
- Entitlement: An attitude that you or the world owes them, often accompanied by anger.
- Poor empathy: People with BPD can appear empathic, but it is a dysfunctional form of empathy that can suddenly disappear when it doesn’t fit their needs or they become preoccupied with their feelings.
If you notice signs of narcissism in your partner, you may be in a difficult situation trying to figure out whether you should stay with him and learn how to cope or leave.
There are many important factors to consider when dealing with borderline personality disorder in any marriage or relationship.
Here are three signs you can’t ignore if you suspect you’re dating a narcissist and should leave the relationship immediately:
1. You are experiencing abuse of any kind
This certainly applies to physical abuse, but psychological abuse of any kind should never be tolerated.
Their behavior may be relentless criticism, constantly tearing you down with insults and condescension, insults, calling you crazy, or making fun of you.
It is their responsibility to stop this behavior, not yours.
The same applies to hitting, pushing, or threatening violence. If your partner doesn’t end their abuse, you simply won’t be able to have a healthy relationship.
2. They are in denial about their behavior
This person should at least be able to admit that something is wrong, even if it’s as simple as “I think I need help.”
If people cannot recognize their problems, they will never get better.
3. They show signs of psychological illness
This pattern of cold, callous lies and deception may indicate not only poor empathy but a profound absence of empathy.
The chances that a psychopathic narcissist (often called a “malignant narcissist”) will improve his or her behavior are very slim. If that’s the case, it’s time to escape!
Related: 10 Ways To Heal (And Move On) From Your Narcissist Mother
Narcissistic arrogance and hostility on the part of a partner can bring out the worst in anyone.
It may be tempting to avoid the dirt coming your way, but walking on eggshells is no way to live! Instead, you may explode with hurt and anger. None of these reactions make the relationship healthier.
You need to find your voice and speak up if it is safe to do so.
One of the best ways to speak up is by getting below the surface of heightened reactivity or silence and isolation into which you tend to fall.
This two-step strategy offers the best chance of generating empathy:
Start by emphasizing the importance of the relationship.
Next, express your hurt in a vulnerable way, expressing feelings of sadness, fear, loneliness, shame, and/or longing for love.
For example, you could say: “You are very special to me, so when you ignore me, I feel left out and unimportant,” or “You mean the world to me, and that’s why I feel worthless in your life.” Your eyes when you criticize all my decisions.
People capable of any empathy at all will soften when they hear these phrases. If they don’t, that’s a big red flag, and a reason to consider leaving the relationship, even if you need help doing so.
Finally, if the narcissistic partner refuses to seek treatment, that should also be the final nail in the relationship’s coffin.
Related: 7 Troubling Signs You’re In Love With A Narcissist — And What To Do If You Are
