People who display traits of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) typically expect special treatment, appreciation, admiration, and consistently perfect harmony from their partners.
When others do not live up to these expectations in their romantic relationships or marriages, the narcissistic boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, or spouse may be irreparably disappointed.
If you fail to provide them with the level of support they require to nourish their fragile self-esteem – known as narcissistic supply – they feel empty, causing them to devalue relationships. Because the relationship is not satisfying enough for them, they look for supplies elsewhere.
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Here are just 13 signs of grandiose narcissistic personality disorder (NPD):
Your partner expects too much from you, and nothing you do is good enough.
They pressure you to exhibit the “perfect” behavior and/or appearance.
They pressure you to do things their way.
They force you to adopt their views while refusing to let you share yours.
They insist that things are always about them and never about you.
No matter how much you give, they always expect more.
They show little or no empathy for you.
They dismiss you at your lowest moments, insisting that the conversations revolve around them.
The way they treat you and the things they say make you doubt yourself and/or lose yourself in the relationship.
They always leave you feeling inadequate.
They cover up the things they do wrong, distort the truth to prove they are right, hide their feelings, and/or walk away to avoid facing accountability.
They seem to have a high opinion of themselves, but they crumble in a heap and can’t function when life doesn’t go their way.
Their behavior makes you feel as if you are walking on eggshells about their mood.
So, how do narcissists get this way?
The exact causes of narcissistic personality disorder remain unknown and likely involve a complex combination of environmental, genetic, and neurobiological factors.
According to the developmental theory first presented by American psychiatrist James Masterson, narcissistic parents see their children as extensions of themselves.
If the child does well, the parent feels good about themselves. If the child does not perform at a high level, the parent feels weak.
The child feels pressure to be perfect and feels inadequate when he does not receive approval from his parents. At the same time, the child is reprimanded for expressing himself or showing hurtful feelings, and he learns to hide or cover up his feelings, knowing that they will only be viewed as a disappointing sign of weakness.
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Masterson believes that narcissistic personality disorder can be divided into three distinct classifications: exhibitionistic narcissists, covert narcissists, and devaluing narcissists.
Exhibitionist narcissists, also described as grandiose narcissists, are those whose parents idealized them.
They were admired because they fulfilled their parents’ expectations. The parents felt special or perfect in return and gave them the status of a “golden child” who could do no wrong.
As a result, they were able to escape punishment for what they committed against others. This meant that they never needed to learn how to follow the rules, because they were “special.”
As an adult, the arrogant narcissist often expects others to treat them this way so that they can continue to feel special.
They feel bitter disappointment when their partner doesn’t put them first, prioritize them, or support them. They can easily feel that the relationship is not giving them what they need.
In short, they have unrealistic expectations in romantic relationships.
They hope that their partner will meet all of their needs, which they believe a relationship should revolve around their needs.
When they were children, they did not need to live according to reality or consider the needs or interests of others. The world has been their oyster, and they want to continue living that way while retaining their right to have and do what they want.
How does a narcissist deal with his partner?
The arrogant narcissist expects that his partner will put him on a pedestal, live up to his expectations, take his opinions, do things his way, be perfect, reflect his greatness, and provide perfect supplies.
When partners do not meet their expectations, the narcissist feels empty and deflated because they rely on those supplies to fill them.
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In response, they look for alternative ways to boost their self-esteem or inflate their greatness to feel better or escape their emptiness. This is why addiction, hidden porn viewing, amorous affairs, and obsession with outside interests are common in toxic relationships with narcissists.
When they feel hurt or criticized by their partner, they feel a corresponding need to prove how competent they are to re-inflate their sense of greatness.
They may try to cover up their feelings of inadequacy by devaluing their partner, forcing their opinions to be heard, and deflecting blame—all to prove themselves right and others wrong, rather than listening and accepting responsibility for their problems and behaviors.
Feeling berated and beaten, the narcissist’s partner ends up doubting his ideas and abandoning his point of view.
Those who enter into these emotionally abusive relationships soon realize that you do not question the narcissist.
In the worst-case scenario, many victims of narcissistic abuse adopt the narcissist’s views, losing their sense of self to keep the peace.
The arrogant narcissist often complains that others do not value him, support his opinions, or give him what they want. They are easily bored by their empty sense of self and seek constant stimulation or excitement elsewhere. They accuse their partner of being boring and unexciting when they don’t provide for them, easily replace partners, and make excuses for their affairs, because they feel they deserve a more satisfying partner.
Effectively, they feel that they are more important than others and that the same rules do not apply to them.
At the same time, the arrogant narcissist becomes the master of getting supplies by saying what people want to hear to win them over and by appearing to be the man or woman of their partner’s dreams. They find out what others want to get what they want from them.
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In their minds, love is about making them feel good, not about the other.
Eventually, they get rid of partners who don’t meet their requirements or who reveal their true selves. They devalue their partner, end the relationship, and isolate themselves from their feelings by creating a wall of self-protection so they never feel vulnerable or truly close to anyone.
They are also extremely envious of others and will belittle them to feel superior to them. They will underestimate your value if you rise above them.
