My husband and I were arguing. I begged him to work on our marriage.
He was angry at my admission of misery and loneliness.
You have done the worst thing you can do to a narcissist. I have inadvertently discovered what makes the most terrifying and dangerous narcissist.
You made my husband angry.
Which means I pissed off a narcissist.
Related: My Ex Was A Covert Narcissist. Don’t Make The Mistakes I Did.
Anger is what exposes the narcissist.
This is what pushes the narcissist out of hiding. It’s when the narcissist unleashes his anger.
This happens when the narcissist becomes so out of control that his charm evaporates and his cruelty flares up. The narcissist cannot help himself when he believes he has been wronged.
“I don’t know what to tell you,” my husband said.
“What do you mean?” I said. “Please, we need to go back to counseling.”
He said: “You are the ones who started the war.” “And you will never win.”
“If you believe there is winning and losing in love,” I said. “I’ve already lost.”
I had no idea what was brewing under the narcissist’s facade.
I didn’t realize that I had started the war. I thought my husband was simply using a phrase. I thought those were the words of an angry man.
A man with a long history of non-negotiations.
A man who cannot compromise.
A man who was controlling and relentless.
I’ve exhausted myself for longer. I tried everything – I begged, begged, talked down, overtook, fussed, screamed, and cried.
Related: 3 Soul-Sucking Mind Games All Narcissistic Men Play In Relationships
My husband didn’t hear me. Does not care.
I continued to go to marriage counseling on my own. He refused to return.
I didn’t realize that the narcissist was seething with rage.
I didn’t understand that this wouldn’t turn off.
I thought divorce would be a solution and not a term for retribution.
It took me five very long and abusive years to divorce a narcissist.
The narcissist’s anger never subsided or abated at any time. My husband was cold, cruel, and abusive.
Worse still, the narcissist felt justified.
I deserved it because I started the war.
I told the narcissist that I was sad and lonely.
I understood that I was married to a narcissist.
My husband has been diagnosed as lacking empathy and suffering from narcissistic personality disorder. It was on the end of the spectrum.
I knew narcissism was a severe and disturbing disorder.
I knew this.
Because I was married to a narcissist.
I didn’t understand divorce.
And I didn’t understand divorcing a narcissist.
I had no idea that marrying a narcissist was child’s play compared to divorcing a narcissist.
There was no negotiation during the divorce.
The narcissist bullied me as a reminder that he still has control over me. He punished me to make sure I paid the price for leaving him. He hurt our children to hurt me because I started the war.
Narcissistic abusive divorce war for five years.
I had to be armed with a plan and a support army.
Because no one should go into war unprepared.
But I did.
I tell my story so no one else does.
