Dealing with a narcissist can be particularly stressful, confusing, and confusing. This is because they are good at making the other person unsure of their reality.
When we are confused by something someone in our life is doing, or seeking to understand it better, it is completely normal to ask questions. But asking narcissistic questions takes us to another level of the game we are playing, and we doubt our experiences even more.
It’s important to realize that you’re dealing with a narcissist, and one way you can do this is to observe their actions — not their answers — when you ask questions.
Jenna Lea, who specializes in betrayal, trauma, and narcissistic abuse, shared an Instagram post explaining eight things narcissists do to avoid answering your questions honestly. It might just be a surprise to you.
#8 Ways a Narcissist Avoids Answering Your Questions
1. Answer your questions with a question.
“This tactic is used to deflect and avoid accountability,” Leah explains. “It takes the focus away from them and puts you on the defensive.”
For example, you’re in the middle of an argument with a narcissist and you end up making a good point. The average person may start out feeling defensive but will eventually give in if there is nothing to defend.
However, the narcissist will make it a point to flip the script to keep his or her ego intact.
They will scold you and answer your question with a question, confusing you and making you vulnerable to their manipulation.
2. Change the subject when asking a question.
Have you ever gotten into an argument with a narcissist only to have them change the subject entirely? One minute you’re talking about their behavior and the next minute you’re talking about your fears.
This kind of switching can be confusing and may make you feel a little insecure. According to journalist Hilary LeBow, “Research shows that those who live with narcissism often carry an innate sense of victimhood, which is why they may blame you.”
What’s the easiest way to blame you? By changing the subject completely!
3. She stalls/gives you the silent treatment.
Procrastination (also known as the silent treatment) can have serious consequences, notes researcher and couples therapist John Gottman, who says this tactic can be devastating to relationships because of the disconnect and frustration that arises as a result.
How do we separate procrastination from just needing a break?
For comparison, a break is often used to pause, to regroup when everyone’s emotions are in order. But procrastination, according to mental health writer Anna Drescher, is “an abusive behavior, often falling into the passive-aggressive category.”
Procrastination can last for days or weeks at a time. You see, the purpose of stalling is not to regroup, it is to control the situation and gaslight.
- If you’re not sure if you’re being blocked, here are some ways to find out:
- They give you the silent treatment
- They refuse to communicate
- They dismiss you and ignore your needs
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4. Playing the victim and blaming yourself.
“Narcissists may play the victim if they think they gain something from making you feel guilty,” Sandra Silva Casabianca and Tracey Pedersen explain.
Narcissists have a sense of entitlement that makes them feel as if they are more important than others, including you. Naturally, because they feel this way, they want to be treated that way. So, you can imagine what happens when they don’t get what they want – absolute chaos. Victim mentality and blame shifting.
Yes, it is important to understand that narcissists will say almost anything to keep their ego intact. But other reasons push them to do so, including the following:
- Feeling as if their feelings are not considered enough
- Being hypersensitive
- Lack of empathy
- Interactions with their parents
5. Boycott you.
Something is infuriating when someone interrupts you, especially if they’re a narcissist. “By preventing you from fully expressing yourself and your thoughts, they control the narrative and avoid scrutiny,” Leah says.
When a narcissist controls the narrative, you better believe you’ve already lost them. So, if your narcissist is interrupting your thoughts, say things like: “But I’m not finished yet” or “I’d like to get back to the point I was trying to make.”
Stand firm in your boundaries and don’t be afraid to walk away if your voice isn’t heard or respected.
6. Flying in anger.
If you’ve ever encountered a narcissist going into a tantrum, it can be quite terrifying. For some, their anger may seem so intense that we may worry about our safety.
According to author Arlene Koncic, “There are two different types of narcissistic rage: external, or explosive, and internal, or passive, rage.”
Explosive anger can include your narcissist throwing insults, yelling, and threats your way. Passive anger, on the other hand, is when the narcissist frowns and withdraws from the conversation completely.
