You want to produce your best work, be part of something meaningful, enjoy your colleagues, and achieve your career aspirations. Unfortunately, your workplace may not be conducive to this. One of the most important factors that affect your job happiness is your boss.
Most people can tell you stories about a terrible boss. You’ve probably had at least one in your life. There’s the micromanager, the absentee boss, the workaholic, the good but can’t give you feedback if their life depends on it, and the incompetent boss.
Then there’s something employees fear the most, but you probably don’t have a title yet: the narcissistic boss.
Related: 3 Dead Giveaways Of How Narcissists Act In Romantic Relationships
#Signs of a narcissistic manager
If you think your difficult boss may be a narcissist, ask yourself these questions:
Are they charismatic and charming when it’s worthwhile to them?
Do I like the sound of their voices?
Do they take credit for your work when it’s good?
Do they throw you under the bus when things go wrong?
Are you expected to work 24/7 at their request and call?
Is it impossible to please them?
Do they completely lack empathy?
If you answered “yes” to these questions, you are probably dealing with a narcissist in the workplace. There are plenty of obvious signs to look for in a narcissistic manager, but there are also more subtle signs:
They require praise.
They talk exclusively about themselves.
They imagine greatness.
They feel entitled.
They take advantage of others.
They are envious.
#What does it look like to be a narcissist to your boss?
Having a narcissistic boss is mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting.
The best-case scenario is that you’ll ride a rollercoaster of heat and cold with periodic silent treatment. The worst case scenario is that you will become their scapegoat, the victim of a smear campaign, or, most seriously, you will lose your job.
You can try to beat them, but this psychic vampire will suck your life out. You may be experiencing anxious days and sleepless nights, trying to endure abuse and wondering if your boss is going to completely ruin your career.
What should a smart professional do on the fast track? First, you need to learn what not to do:
Criticize them.
Ask for retribution.
React emotionally to those around them.
Tell them something personal or private that they can use against you.
Assume nothing or take their word for it.
Try to compete with them.
Underestimating them.
Do any of the above, and you’ll have a much tougher road ahead of you. However, there is hope.
Related: How To Spot A Narcissist Immediately On A First Date
Stop walking on eggshells and adopt these practical strategies to overcome your narcissistic boss:
#How to deal with a narcissistic manager
1. Take care of your health and well-being.
Fact: You will never be able to completely satisfy your narcissistic boss. Aren’t you tired of rehashing the same task? If so, determine how much time and effort you are willing to invest.
Politely let your manager know what hours you can work. Don’t apologize and certainly don’t expect sympathy; Your work-life balance doesn’t matter much to them.
Just tell them what they want to hear: that you’re focused on excellence, just like they are. And when you’re at your best – rested and recharged – you’ll be able to produce your best work.
Stick to your boundaries because the narcissist will constantly test them. It’s not worth it to beat yourself up over this boss who will never protect you. Save your energy for your next job.
Invest in your overall health, too. Your body and mind may be in battle mode every day. Eat well, exercise, and get enough sleep so you can fight your narcissistic boss.
2. Keep your head down.
Reminding your boss of your impressive results won’t open any doors or save you from the next verbal rebuke. It’s best to stay under their radar.
Focus on your performance, solve problems and do a great job. The narcissist will then have fewer things to criticize. Avoid office politics, and when you feel stuck, use the slogan “Stop! Stop! Stop!” Stay on track while focusing on your career goals.
3. Protect yourself.
Remember, the narcissist always has an ulterior motive: to stroke their ego and diminish your dignity in the process. They are protecting themselves, and so should you.
Before undertaking any tasks, make your expectations clear and leave an impact by summarizing your conversation. When your supervisor later contradicts himself, inquire tactfully: “This is what we discussed last week. How has your thinking changed since then?” Use curiosity versus passion and see what happens.
Most importantly, put your accomplishments in writing and imitate others. This will make it difficult for your boss to lie or take credit for your work. Additionally, do it to make yourself feel good. Create a portfolio of accomplishments that no one, not even a terrible boss, can take away from you.
4. Get what you want from the narcissist.
Focus on what you want instead of what you don’t want.
If you are happily with a narcissist, use it as an opportunity to get what you can from them in the short term. Ask for an endorsement on LinkedIn, a good job recommendation, a pay raise, or even a vacation.
Another way to get around a narcissistic boss is to apply for a lateral move. Make sure you communicate this for professional reasons. Mention to your boss that he will be offering his recruiting talents. Act quickly, though; The tide may be turning faster than you can say “move.”
Finally, as long as it doesn’t violate your integrity, offer your supervisor an honest compliment every now and then. It will keep them in a decent mood and off your back!
5. Create strong relationships – inside and outside the organization.
Build a network of supporters, including senior managers and executives who can attest to your good work and character, and who can help you develop your career.
If your organization has a formal mentoring program, participate in it. If not, find your own tutor. Talk to people about what you’re working on and get advice. Coffee meetings are an excellent way to create rapport and establish mutually beneficial relationships.
Maintain your external network too. Get support from people you trust and lay the groundwork for a job search or legal battle if things go sideways quickly. Anything goes with a narcissistic boss!
6. Do more of what you love.
Spend time with loved ones. Find a hobby. Blow off steam at the gym. Do more of what brings you happiness. Don’t make work your only source of self-esteem and fulfillment.
7. Embrace your personal power.
Become fearless! Narcissists have a way of inflating your doubts about yourself. Boost your self-esteem. Remind yourself that their behavior has nothing to do with you. Your boss has a deep need to outdo and crush others.
Bottom line: Never give up your power to a narcissist. Instead, drop the rope. Step back. breathes. Cut off the oxygen supply of drama. Next time they make a snarky comment, stick to the facts and respond without emotion. When you stay quiet, they have no fuel.
Related: 11 Ways Narcissists Use Shame To Control You
8. Use compliments to your advantage.
Narcissists will do anything for praise. They live on compliments. So, compliments can help you get what you need from your narcissistic boss.
Use compliments as a way to entice or direct your boss to do things you want or to make your life easier when dealing with him.
9. Use the BIFF method when interacting.
BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly and Firm. Using this method means keeping all interactions between you and your narcissistic boss “brief, informative, friendly, and firm.” Stick to that and your interactions should be smooth.
Try not to get defensive or over-share; Keep it sweet and simple. In other words, the less you say, the better. As Thomas Jefferson once said: “The most valuable talent is not to use two words when one is appropriate.”
10. Know when to say “no” – and mean it.
It is important that you evaluate and consider what you will and will not tolerate. When clear boundaries are crossed, you must be firm in your refusal. That is, you have to say no with a purpose.
Keep this in your arsenal and know when to pick your battles. Narcissists won’t just back down, so stay consistent.
11. Go to Human Resources.
Determine whether there is a culture of narcissism in your workplace, or an isolated attitude, which will greatly improve your chances of success in your current organization. If your manager is the culprit and you feel things have gone too far, consider raising your boss’s behavior with a trusted HR person or leader.
Explore in depth what you want for your next role and organization, and enlist the services of a career expert to help highlight your strengths, achievements and contributions. This step is especially useful when a narcissist has temporarily destroyed your self-confidence.
Boost your resume and online presence with keywords that will indicate what you bring to a potential employer.
Treat your job search like a project, set aside time every day and hold yourself accountable.
Finally, no matter how much you want to escape before accepting a new job, put your best narcissist detector to work. Spare yourself the same sadness next time.
Ultimately, overcoming a narcissistic boss is less about outsmarting them, and more about focusing on yourself: staying positive, nourishing your soul, building relationships, and determining what is best for you.
When you’re in the driver’s seat, nothing, not even a narcissistic boss, can bring you down. Take what you can from this experience. You will be stronger and wiser, ready to succeed in your work and take your career to new heights.
Related: 11 Ways Narcissists Use Shame To Control You
