Why do some of our kindest, kindest, most thoughtful people find ourselves so painfully attached to a narcissist?
Over and over again, you see it. A kind, empathetic person wrapped around a narcissist’s finger.
Given their narcissistic personality traits, this makes sense. Even if a sensitive person knows better, their understanding nature makes them a magnet for narcissists and vice versa.
The inherent problem is that their caring nature makes them want to “help,” “heal,” and “nurture” the narcissist.
Related: 5 Ways To Help A Narcissist Who Is Ready To Change
So what is a narcissist?
According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of a narcissist is: “An extremely selfish person who has an inflated sense of self-importance.”
Many are familiar with the legend of Narcissus, a young demigod who fell in love with his image, but the myth only tells us about one aspect of the narcissistic personality trait.
The truth is that high-achieving narcissists want us to believe that, deep down, they are extremely weak and insecure individuals. Here lies the problem.
Kind-hearted people love to help, and believe, on some level, that they will be able to “fix” the narcissist’s emotional wounds… but at what cost?
The narcissist, on the other hand, loves the attention, care, and devotion he receives, which will ultimately only solidify his stronghold. This makes sense when we remember that the basis of their narcissism lies in deep-rooted insecurity.
Once established, the bond becomes a vicious cycle of emotional pain and manipulation. The ultimate goal is control, and once the narcissist is in control, he works to maintain his power by slowly but surely eroding his partner’s self-esteem.
This can take many forms.
First, the relationship becomes all about them.
They do what they want when they want, and how they want. The needs of their prey do not matter to them unless they have something to gain from that interest.
Worse still, when their target slowly begins to feel dissatisfied and alienated in the relationship, the narcissist will make them feel bad by highlighting their “neediness.”
It inevitably becomes “there’s something wrong with you” and “normal people don’t act that way.” The narcissist makes his partner doubt himself, his decisions, and even his mind.
Sooner or later, the sensitive caregiver will come to terms with the situation and admit how unhappy and unhappy he or she is.
This realization is the key to healing because it is at this point that the decision to stay or leave comes into play. Unfortunately, this tends to be a process because most interested people would rather work on improving the relationship than getting rid of it.
Related: Why Literally EVERYONE On The Internet Is A Full-Blown Narcissist
However, when the narcissist realizes that their control is slipping from their hands, their efforts to maintain it inevitably increase, which only helps to reinforce their partner’s confusion and dissatisfaction. Unfortunately, this stage can take years – perhaps even a lifetime – but once you do, the transformation is dramatic.
Sensitive and empathic people are more likely to fall into these situations when they do not take the time to fully consider their needs. Lack of self-care leaves you vulnerable to a range of unhealthy situations.
Ph.D. A study on betrayal and recovery from betrayal showed that the first stage of betrayal was an imbalance between the physical/mental self and the emotional/spiritual self.
In other words, when there is a lack of emotional and spiritual self-awareness, you leave yourself open to experiences that may not be in your best interest, such as infidelity and narcissistic relationships.
This is often because you have taken on so much (because you think you are so capable) that your own needs are left on the back burner.
