How can you love a narcissist without losing yourself? Is it possible to have a successful narcissistic relationship?
You may wonder if there is any hope for a relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder. As an empath, you may be afraid of losing yourself in your relationship with a narcissist. Maybe you feel used or taken for granted by a narcissistic partner who doesn’t take you at all.
Somehow, you came to believe that everything was your fault, and you doubted your sense of self. It’s easy to lose yourself when you’re defeated in a narcissistic relationship, especially if you stand up for yourself. Unfortunately, this can make you feel worse and hurt you more.
To understand whether you can hold it together in a relationship with a narcissist, you need to realize what a relationship with someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is really like.
After being lured into a relationship with a narcissist, you may have realized that the person he is is not who he portrayed himself to be. Once you experience narcissistic rage, devaluation, infidelity, and rejection, you realize things are very different.
Once the narcissist draws his or her partner into the relationship, the real problems begin to arise when the partner reveals what is behind the false facade.
When a partner stops reflecting their greatness or perfection, the narcissist feels deflated, because they depend on their partner for approval to maintain their fragile self-esteem. The narcissist mistakenly believes that his or her partner causes him or her to feel incompetent or empty. So they project their feelings onto their partner and find that things are wrong with them.
Gaslighting is one way to make a partner feel wrong about their perception of reality. The narcissist protects his false arrogant self by projecting his flaws onto his partner.
The partner is seen as an “extension” of the narcissist; A reflection of their self-esteem. This means they think you must be perfect.
Narcissists expect a lot in a relationship, and this may make you feel like you don’t live up to their standards. The narcissist may pressure his wife to be perfect or do things his way. A relationship with a narcissist is about meeting his expectations to please them.
They will expect their partner to reflect how perfect they are by liking them or doing the things they want of them. So their partner often feels pressure to live up to their expectations to make them feel special. Otherwise, the narcissist feels empty or incompetent when others do not prioritize him or her.
It may feel like you are walking on eggshells because you are afraid to say anything that will tear at the narcissist’s fragile ego. This makes you feel like you have to be in tune with their needs and feelings all the time.
It seems that the only way to love a narcissist is to meet their expectations, be on the same page with them, be perfect, and not disagree with them or have a separate opinion.
Related: How To Deal With A Spiritual Narcissist — The Most Dangerous Type Of Narcissist
Those who are in a relationship with a narcissist tend to have all their needs met. Many people end up losing themselves in the relationship or giving too much to get their needs met.
Being in a relationship with a narcissist means you risk getting hurt. They pick themselves up by having relationships or engaging in addiction. They cut off emotions or lash out at you, unable to take responsibility for their problems.
They cannot handle criticism or exposure to imperfection, so they devalue those who expose them. When others are confronted with their mistakes, they feel the need to prove them wrong to win.
Dealing with a narcissist can be devastating over time. The partner questions or doubts himself, often backing down or giving up his ideas and opinions. Narcissists cover up the wrong things they do to avoid judgment, shame, or humiliation.
So, by understanding the destructive traits of someone with BPD, is it possible to build a relationship with them and stay safe?
The answer is yes, but it requires a lot of work.
How to have a relationship with a narcissist working
1. Accept who they are – but don’t compromise yourself.
The only way to connect with a narcissist is to accept their true self, the weak true self that feels flawed because it is not perfect, and not to admire their false self that covers up what they feel. This means not supporting them by meeting all their needs or demands. They can communicate more authentically when they feel accepted for who they are.
Don’t give up on your goals or plans when you feel pressured to give in to what they want. Acknowledge their feelings and say “no” if necessary. Acknowledge their point of view, but also maintain your own. You can think about what they feel and stick to your position.
2. Don’t allow yourself to be influenced by what they say; It does not reflect you.
Narcissists project their imagination onto others by mistakenly thinking about or doubting others’ intentions. They also believe that others are criticizing them, even if they are not.
So, you need to keep in mind that they will probably see you in the wrong way, but that’s not who you are – so don’t take this personally.
Do not try to defend yourself because they will feel attacked and will attack you back.
3. Understand the feeling behind their reaction and connect with their feelings.
Instead of reacting, ask yourself what they feel behind their reaction and acknowledge their feelings.
You can say, “I understand that you felt hurt when you forgot to call and that you feel unimportant. I’m sorry you feel that way.”
By doing this, you indirectly let them know that you are not who they think you are, by attuning to what they are feeling and acknowledging their pain.
Related: The Truth About Whether Or Not A Narcissist Can Love You Back
4. Accept what they feel, but don’t change your feelings.
Pointing out directly how wrong they are will make them devalue you by exposing their true identity. Unless you show that you understand them and provide the space for them to be heard and accepted for what they feel – their true self.
The only way to get close to a narcissist is to show that you understand him and his pain by acknowledging how he feels while understanding his vulnerable feelings. So they can feel accepted for who they are – an imperfect human being.
5. Set boundaries and limits.
Don’t give in to their unrealistic expectations; You must stay true to yourself.
Having a relationship with a narcissist does not mean that you are colluding with or giving in to their expectations. You need to set limits to their greatness, otherwise they will expect the world.
But let them fall off the pedestal gently, so they can live in the real world, rearranging their expectations by reality.
The world is not their “oyster,” and they should not get away with everything they want. Otherwise, they continue to live within the huge, illusory fantasy world, searching for endless supplies.
6. Do not confront their behavior or interact with them, otherwise they will hit you.
If a narcissist feels criticized, he or she will lash out, rather than take the reactions on themselves. Therefore, you have to gently flatten their bones so that they do not fall hard and break.
