Everyone seems to consider themselves therapists these days, handing out accusations of narcissism left and right. It also seems that anyone who is perceived as toxic, manipulative, or exhibits negative behaviors is thrown into the pool of undiagnosed malignant narcissism and written off as a victim of mental illness.
In this dog-eat-dog world, many affected people conclude that selfish, self-serving individuals suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. They flock to support groups and spend hours reading literature on how to beat narcissists at their own game.
But one question that often remains unanswered is whether or not the narcissist realizes that he or she is a narcissist.
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#Do narcissists know they are narcissists?
The answer is yes and no.
Narcissists are fully aware that they have narcissistic traits, but they believe that the way they act is reasonable and safe.
Narcissists do not understand the impact of their actions on the people around them because they lack empathy for others.
It is important to remember that people with narcissistic personality traits are similar to addicts who engage in distressing behaviors. This means that their actions are not consistent with their goals and desires.
People who are in tune with the ego are disciplined and can resist the urge to do things that conflict with their values and ambitions. They have an inner voice of reason that questions whether their actions make sense based on the self-image and personality they want to project.
But the benefits of lavish behavior outweigh the risks they take.
Narcissists care about how they appear, as long as it benefits them.
What a mentally healthy person might see as conflicting behavior, a person with narcissism sees as a means to an end.
They ignore and refuse to take responsibility for the mistaken belief that this will get them closer to what they want in life. Narcissists fail to realize that being viewed as dishonest, deceitful, or downright mean can haunt you and ruin your reputation.
However a person with narcissistic personality disorder has no control over their disorder, so even if they know what it is, they have difficulty changing.
Narcissists know that their behavior is considered such, but they probably don’t care unless it hurts them. How it affects others is none of their business.
Studies show that as much as they hate to admit it, narcissists know and would rather pretend everything is fine than address it. The self-conscious narcissist only becomes this way when he sees his flaws and is ready to change.
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#Do narcissists know they are abusive?
People with narcissistic personality disorder know they are mistreating them, and they do so intentionally.
Narcissists know how to always put their needs above everything else, so they feel completely justified in treating you like you are inferior. The goal is to make you feel as if you are “less than” so that you will continue to endure any abuse they commit.
Deep down, narcissists carry a lot of shame and use defense mechanisms to hide their fears.
People often mistake narcissism for self-confidence, but it is quite the opposite.
Something has been broken inside, making them feel extremely vulnerable. They will go to great lengths to make sure no one can take advantage of their weaknesses, so they wear an armor of emotionless courage.
The practices commonly associated with this disorder — such as manipulation, lack of emotional intelligence, gaslighting, and blame shifting — are a direct result of their defensiveness. Narcissists may not know the exact reasons why they choose to act this way, but they are 100% certain that they are abusing others, and they are OK with it if it results in them “winning.”
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