This may sound ridiculous but it is true.
Selfish people don’t know they are selfish.
They just assume that they are nice people who care about their happiness more than anything else.
But on their journey towards finding their happiness, they carelessly and deliberately walk over people.
According to F. Diane Barth L.C.S.W. In psychology today, there are two distinguishing characteristics of egoism:
In every relationship, whether platonic or romantic, partners give and take from each other in equal measures without counting.
But a relationship with a selfish person means that he takes away your love and affection, without giving you back. They think they are needed more than they need you.
Unfortunately, it is not easy to notice the traits of selfish people. Most of the time, they are people pleasers and hide their dark side very well.
Barth says that constantly being selfish with someone can make your life miserable:
According to Art Markman, Ph.D., a psychology professor, narcissists and psychopaths “tend to be quite selfish and manipulative.”
It’s not until you let them in and drop your guard that they start showing their true colors.
So watch out for these early signs that I believe constitute a selfish person.
1) Selfish people are very good manipulators
In the end, with a selfish person, all situations and relationships revolve around him.
According to emotional healing expert Darlene Ouimet, manipulative people simply don’t doubt themselves:
A manipulative person refers to a person who seeks to control people and circumstances just to achieve what he wants. They may use emotional blackmail. Selfish people are skilled manipulators by nature and control freaks at heart.
According to Abigail Brenner, PhD, of Psychology Today, manipulative people “truly believe that their way of dealing with a situation is the only way because it means getting their needs met, and that’s all that matters.”
Manipulation is a scary thing because it’s not something people are born with. It has been developed over time and is practiced.
2) Selfish people conspire and plan against you
This is especially the case for selfish people who are complete narcissists.
Selfish people are manipulative and are looking to get something from you for their benefit.
Abigail Brenner MD writes in Psychology Today, “Manipulative people only really care about you as a way to let them control you so that you become an unwilling participant in their plans.”
They may start mentioning something that might happen or that they fear might happen weeks ago.
So, when things hit you, don’t be surprised and do what you can to regain control of the situation.
If you want to learn more about the signs of manipulative people and how to deal with them, watch this video we prepared about the characteristics of a conniving person and how to deal with them.
3) Selfish people do not care about others
Selfish people are uncaring and neglectful of the needs of others.
For example, if you open up to them about your feelings, they may try to manipulate you to get what they want or make you feel guilty.
According to Timothy J. Legg, PhD, CRNP at Health Line, if you’re upset, an emotionally manipulative person may be trying to make you feel guilty about your feelings.
They may use phrases like, “If you loved me, you would never ask me out” or “I couldn’t take this job. I don’t want to be away from my kids so much.”
If you are in this situation, you should not depend on them. Instead, learn to put yourself first when you’re with them.
4) Selfish people are conceited and self-centered
The way selfish people think is that they want to be first. However, they are not satisfied with being the priority. They also want to frustrate you.
Have you ever met someone who insists that everything they say is relevant and everything you say is not? This is a classic example of a selfish person.
According to F. Diane Barth L.C.S.W. In today’s psychology, highly self-involved people are unlikely to respond to your needs:
The way to deal with this is to simply ignore them. Let them be who they are and don’t let it affect you personally.
5) Selfish people find it difficult to share and give
Maybe you know someone selfish but have some doubts because this person shows a caring side.
Let me tell you this, it’s all fake. Caring, sharing, and giving are not easy for them and these actions will show in this case.
First, they will want something in return. Maybe they want everyone to know about it so they can be praised.
If you’re in this situation, just let their goodwill gesture go unnoticed and don’t praise them for it.
6) Selfish people put their own goals before others
“When we call someone selfish (as a trait), we mean that they constantly put their own goals before those of other people,” Art Markman, Ph.D., a psychology professor at the University of Texas and author of Brain Summaryes, told SELF.
According to Sarah Newman, MS, MFA, at Psych Central, “Selfish people need other people, which is why they always violate boundaries.”
Because of their way of thinking, they expect others to do things for them. When you see this happening, don’t let them have what they want.
It’s all about control, so don’t give it to them.
7) Selfish people do not show weakness or weakness
Selfish people don’t do anything for free. They have a fear of trying something and feel that the action doesn’t help or serve much of a purpose.
It’s always “What’s in it for me?”
According to Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D., narcissists are “effective at protecting against extreme vulnerability.”
Selfish or narcissistic people are afraid to show weakness. They believe that helping others shows weakness or inner insecurity.
They don’t realize that everyone has weaknesses, even them. These weaknesses are what make us human, but for them, they are above everything else, so they are close to perfect.
8) Selfish people do not accept constructive criticism
Selfish people cannot and will not accept constructive criticism. Their huge egos cannot handle this constructive criticism for their good.
Kraus explained in Psychology Today that “self-centeredness can cause us to make incorrect assumptions about what others think or feel” and “get upset or even angry when others fail to see things their way.” “
This is especially the case with a narcissist, says Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. In Psychology Today:
“When narcissists are criticized, they show that they are incapable of maintaining any emotional balance or acceptance.”
They just think you’re trying to devalue their work and potential. This situation will always end with the selfish person defending.
It is very difficult for them to realize that they are wrong.
Related: Conversational narcissism: 5 signs and what you can do about it
9) Selfish people believe they deserve everything
Being selfish is characterized not only by self-centeredness but also by a false sense of entitlement.
For example, they expect to receive constant rewards even without doing anything. The reason? They deserve everything and they are perfect.
According to Margalis Fjellstad, Ph.D., LMFT at Mind Body Green, narcissists believe that everything around them must be perfect:
They believe they will always be successful because they are who they are.
10) Selfish people do not listen to those who do not agree with them
According to Timothy J. Legg, Ph.D., CRNP At Healthline, narcissists “can be so busy talking about themselves that they don’t listen to you… [They] won’t stop talking about themselves… [and] they won’t engage in a conversation about you.” “
When you say something to a selfish person, even if it’s constructive, it will be held against you. They will think that you are their enemy and that you do not deserve their respect or attention.
Criticism is good because it allows you to learn from other people’s opinions. However, a selfish person does not have time to expand his horizons and grow.
11) Selfish people criticize others behind their backs
Selfish people prefer easy rules and nothing is easier than ruling behind a person’s back.
Deep down, they fear that they are not right, and so they will pass this judgment on to others from a distance.
They may do so because they think they’re better than others, according to Rhonda Freeman, Ph.D. In Psychology Today in an article on narcissism:
12) Selfish people exaggerate their achievements
One of the most famous flaws of selfish people is their lack of humility.
Humility, which is a valuable human virtue, is essential for us to grow as people and as social beings in our environment.
But selfish people, with big egos, will always look for ways to stand out and exaggerate their accomplishments.
Unfortunately, Rhonda Freeman says you won’t be able to change their minds either:
13) Selfish people are afraid of public failure
Suzanne Diggs White, Ph.D. “Narcissists are unable to tolerate failure of any kind, and public humiliation is the worst kind of failure that can happen,” he says.
Selfish people cannot make themselves think about their failure. When they fail, they either run away from the situation or blame others.
However, when others fail that’s another story. They do not think twice before lashing out when others fail.
More often than not, they’ll be the first to tell you, “You should have expected that.”
14) Selfish people control others
According to Dan Neuharth, Ph.D., MFT, “Many narcissists take a win-at-all-costs, anything-goes approach.”
Do you know someone who calls you when they feel like it? Or is he asking you to meet them according to their whims and desires?
This is one of the characteristics of a selfish person – he has you around his fingers and it is very difficult to break free from you. Victims of selfish people end up losing confidence.
Dan Neuharth says, “Narcissists distort the truth through misinformation, oversimplification, sarcasm, and sowing doubt. Narcissists can be incredibly skilled at using classic elements of thought control and brainwashing.
