When you’re too nice in your relationship, it can create all kinds of chaos.
Even the most respectful partner will sometimes fall into extremely manipulative and negative patterns if you become too obedient.
Here are the warning signs to watch out for.
1) Your partner is talking to you
The first signs that you are too “nice” in your relationship and that your partner is taking advantage of you is when your partner talks down to you.
Toxic relationships often develop this pattern where one or both individuals talk over each other.
Often they are barely aware that it is happening.
The way to check this is to pay attention the next time your partner talks to you.
What is their tone of voice? How do they treat you?
Be honest, because you may realize that they were talking to you in a terrible way without you even noticing.
2) You rarely get a word in on the edge
The next sign that you’re being too nice and your partner is taking advantage of that is that you’re overwhelmed with things.
Whenever you try to say something, your partner interrupts you or speaks louder than you.
More directly, they may ask you to remain silent and explain that what you have to say is not important.
This kind of being ignored in conversations is an essential part of getting over yourself in a negative sense.
If this is happening in your relationship, it shouldn’t be happening.
You are so kind.
3) You feel like a placeholder in your own relationship
The next big sign that you are too “nice” in your relationship and your partner is taking advantage of you is that you feel like a placeholder.
You feel invisible and like you’re just keeping the seat warm for the next competitor who comes along.
This is a really terrible feeling.
But it is rarely random.
If you feel like your partner isn’t truly committed to you, sometimes it’s because they aren’t.
You can’t force it, that’s true, but ignoring this feeling is also the wrong move.
In other words, if you’re afraid to have difficult conversations in your relationship that matter to you, that’s a sure sign that you’re too nice.
The cost can be extremely heartbreaking, and may have been at least partially avoided with early and direct communication.
4) You are expected to provide everything your partner wants
The next step is that you are expected to give your partner everything he wants.
Whether it’s your money, your time, your attention, or even your body, they’re expected to be available in whatever way they expect.
If you do not show up immediately to meet their demands, you will be accused of not caring or “punished” in various ways.
This is a really toxic pattern, but it needs to be talked about because it is so common.
What makes it worse is that the nicer you are about it, the more your abusive or manipulative partner will take advantage of your kindness.
5) You are exposed to emotional blackmail by your partner
There’s nothing wrong with being respectful and fun in a relationship, in fact, it’s essential.
But being too nice can lead to emotional blackmail.
This happens when we are told that you are responsible for our partner’s emotional well-being and happiness.
Far from being acceptable, it is an extremely toxic and co-dependent teaching that plunges many people’s relationships into misery.
Emotional blackmail is often used to get you to do everything your partner wants and provide for their every need.
This is often based on the idea that if you don’t do everything they want, you’re not really committed, which ties directly into the next point…
6) Your partner asks you to “prove” your love for them
It is very common for emotional blackmail in a relationship to take the form of your partner manipulating you into doing or agreeing to certain things to “prove” that you love him or her.
Whether it’s giving them what they want, saying what they want, doing what they want, or even something as seemingly small as changing your appearance or style to match what they want, it’s always wrong.
There is always such a thing as gently asking your partner to try to change something about what they do or how they look.
But saying that they have to do something to prove their love is toxic to the core.
If this is done to you and you agree with it, you are too cute by a country mile.
There is no way to win such a game, and even trying to play is a losing prospect from the start.
7) You will be accused of being needy or selfish if you talk about what you want
If you talk about what you want with a manipulative partner, they will tell you that you are being unreasonable.
The formula here is simple:
Your needs are wrong, stupid, unfounded, or exaggerated, while your partner’s needs are reasonable, clear, necessary, and basic.
This is what you are supposed to agree to.
This kind of disgusting gaslighting happens too often in relationships and it shouldn’t.
It is not compatible with this type of unilateral arrangement.
8) You are being financially exploited by your partner
The next sign that you are being too “nice” in your relationship and that your partner is taking advantage of you is financial exploitation.
This is worth mentioning because it is very common and very harmful.
Allowing your partner to influence you not only erodes your financial well-being and future, it also destroys your self-esteem.
If you’re too nice to say no to giving up your credit card or taking on all the bills, you won’t be able to get any further in the relationship.
Unless your goal is to be a downtrodden doormat in a downtown homeless shelter.
9) Your partner flirts with others but ignores your jealousy
Another sign that you need to draw tougher lines in your relationship is that your partner is openly flirting with others and expects you not to care.
If you mention it at all, you are accused of jealousy.
There are many forms this can take, including chatting and sharing photos online, winking at people, mentioning their appearance when you’re out and about, or maintaining close friendships that seem to go beyond the boundaries of “friend.”
If you notice this happening in your relationship but feel it would be intrusive to ask about it, you’ve already undermined yourself.
You have no right to control your partner, that’s true. But respectfully inquiring about their interest in other people is not controlling.
10) You are threatened and given repeated ultimatums
Many of the worst experiences in relationships happen because they are too nice.
You may sometimes end up on the receiving end of a lot of red flags.
These ultimatums often take the form of emotional manipulation.
“Do this or say that, or I’ll leave.”
“If you break up with me, I will hurt myself.”
And so on and so on.
The basic common element in all ultimatums goes back to the emotional blackmail I talked about earlier:
You are under pressure to conform to your partner or feel responsible for their well-being or whatever bad they do if you don’t do everything they want.
If you fall into this and allow it to continue, you are being too kind.
Flip the script
Turning the tables and flipping the script is about respecting yourself first and foremost.
You can’t be in a truly healthy, loving relationship if you’re too nice.
No matter how much you love your partner, nothing justifies allowing yourself to be their doormat.
