Is your family toxic?

It’s a terrible thing to even consider, but for some people it’s an unfortunate reality that must be faced.

If your family is treating you in the following ways, it is time to confront what is happening and respond to it.

1) They undermine your goals and dreams
Your goals and dreams may or may not be realistic.

But either way, your family should do their best to give you supportive advice or at least let you down gently.

Having your dreams and ideas undermined and directly attacked by family is an extremely painful process.

I wish so many of my friends and colleagues hadn’t experienced this themselves…

2) They don’t respect what you stand for
On a related note, you find that your family does not support your values or what you stand for.

In fact, they do not respect her openly.

Phone calls turn into interrogations, and family dinners turn into family members explaining to you why you’re wrong or deceived.

It’s exhausting to say the least.

The thing is:

Even if you are misguided or wrong in some way, being disrespected in this way by those who should care about you leaves a deep scar.

3) They don’t give you a break
Family is where we go to get support and be heard.

When your family seems to be your harshest critics, no one can blame you for being a little confused!

Of course, as we grow up, we often face discipline and rules from parents or older siblings.

But are you being undermined and criticized by constant pressure and negativity?

This shouldn’t be what family is about, at all!

4) They try to impose beliefs on you
If your family members try to impose your beliefs on you, this is unacceptable.

Of course we were all raised by families or guardians of our beliefs when we were young.

But once you’re old enough to decide for yourself what you value and believe in, it’s best for your family to allow you some freedom.

There’s nothing wrong with family members having strong beliefs, but trying to force you to hold them too is the problem.

5) They pressure you to do work you don’t want
When it comes to career, this is a part of the field where choice is very vital.

Not all of us can get the job of our dreams, but the opportunity to at least try to pursue the career we want is vital.

If your family gets in the way or just tries to steer you into the kind of work they want you to do?

Toxic.

6) They try to manage your love life
The next category and crucial aspect is your love life.

Your family members may have insightful and good advice about who you should date, marry, or sleep with.

But if they try to control that, it becomes more complicated, and a lot of lines get crossed.

Family often knows us best, so I think some input into our romantic and sexual lives is warranted.

But all your trying to control or even sabotage your romantic life is too much.

7) They are in constant conflict

No family is full of perfect harmony, in fact, no group or even individual is completely harmonious if you ask me.

But infighting is not a sign of a great team or family.

If your family always seems to be bickering and fighting, there’s clearly a lot of work to do in terms of improving communication and figuring out where things have gone off the rails.

This brings me to my next point…

8) Family members play each other against each other
One common element in infighting is the selection of favorites and proxy wars…

If your family splits into factions or tries to turn members against each other, this is a sign of deep toxicity.

When your father is angry with your mother, for example, does he try to turn your sister against your mother?

Things like this are much more common than they should be, and show how families can descend into extremely childish and spiteful attitudes.

Sometimes it is necessary to take a step back and move forward:

“Okay, so what exactly is going on here?”

9) They take advantage of you financially and burden you
Just as finances can become a major issue in relationships, they can also increase stress and toxicity in families.

Jealousy, irresponsible borrowing, and freewheeling are just a few things to watch out for here.

If your family tends to have an unhealthy relationship with money and family members use money as a weapon, this is a very disturbing sign.

Something definitely needs to change, and it’s reasonable to expect it to change as soon as possible.

10) They humiliate you and weaken you
Your family can’t always be by your side, but at least it’s fair to ask your family to respect you and treat you properly.

When your family members humiliate and weaken you, it’s the exact opposite.

This is the kind of behavior that leads to people cutting off contact with their families, which is really sad to see.

If your family humiliates you and even engages in forms of bullying to undermine you, this is definitely classic toxic behavior.

11) They attack you and make false accusations against you
Gaslighting you and trying to make you doubt your eyes is extremely toxic behavior.

If someone in your family does this, you should avoid them.

It is never okay to gaslight someone and is an extremely unhealthy and harmful behaviour.

It’s not your fault and it’s not your fault for walking away either!

12) They deny or downplay past abuse and hardships
If prior abuse occurred within or outside the family context, it must be acknowledged.

Those I know who suffered abuse within their families and never confronted or acknowledged it became victims again.

It’s really terrible to be around people who claim to love you but act like you’re dirty or ashamed because of the abuse you’ve suffered.

Even if the abuser is kicked out of the family or faces justice, that doesn’t mean everyone should act as if it never happened.

If this happens, your family is toxic.

What to do next…

It’s not a simple or easy process to break up a family, and it’s understandable if you want to try to work things out.