Are you in a relationship with an emotional manipulator?

There are many reasons that could lead you to this question, and a few of them are good. This is not a good time for me to be writing these kinds of articles either, no matter how necessary they are.

I always think about who is on the other end and realize that a large portion of you are reading this with either a suspicious heart or a broken heart.

These are heavy burdens, so I hope you find your answers here. If not, at least some relief.

Here are 10 signs that you are in a relationship with an emotionally manipulative person:

They make you feel trapped

If you often feel like you need to do something for them unless you want something to go wrong. If they make you feel like it’s all or nothing with them all the time.

Related : Getting into your head: 7 deceptive strategies of a cunning narcissist

They use guilt as their weapon to make you do things you don’t feel comfortable with, be in situations you don’t want to be in or interact with people you don’t want to.

1) They often give ultimatums

Ultimatums give you the illusion of making a decision, but truthfully, you are being forced into a certain outcome.

I can’t rule out that there are ultimatums that aren’t inherently bad (as if you’re asserting your boundaries) but ultimatums can get stuck very quickly into constant and completely abusive territory.

Some examples are:

• They use separation or divorce as a threat. mostly.
• “If you love me, you will…”
• “If you want me to be happy, you have to…” formulations.
• “If you don’t sleep with me, I will/won’t…”
• “If you don’t give me the money, I won’t…”

2) They often go beyond your limits

Without your consent, they will often include you in activities that you have explicitly said you are not comfortable with.

I’m not talking about wanting you to try new things to expand your horizons, I’m talking about wanting you to feel uncomfortable and having fun with it.

It’s about control, as you’ll learn from this list. This is what they want. This is what will make them feel powerful.

The ability to control you, your decisions, your reactions, and your emotions.

They make you second guess yourself
It makes you feel like you’re not making the right decisions. They make you doubt your sanity.

They make you feel like only they know what is true and what is right.

3) They highlight you

Mind manipulation. They make you question your reality, as if you are crazy. Like: “This can’t be true!”

Such as: “Maybe I remembered it differently!” Or “This can’t be true, I know what I saw.”

Or they may say you’re exaggerating to make them look bad.

Being gassed feels bad and sticky, and you feel like you’re not even safe inside your body. You feel like you are making mountains out of molehills.

In my early 20s, I dated someone who used manipulative language on me and I didn’t even know it. I was telling him I didn’t appreciate the way he was neglecting me as a partner, he was MIA for days at a time.

No calls, no texts, nothing.

But he said to me sarcastically: “Neglected? Really? When have I neglected you? Are you sure?”

I doubted myself. I told myself I was being dramatic. I told myself he was busy.

Now, as I approach my 30s, I know better, and life experiences have made me spot bullshit from a mile away.

4) Makes you feel insecure

There is always a feeling of inadequacy, as if they could replace you at any moment. They make you feel like they can drop you at any time.

They make you feel like they are the best you will ever have. They will make it seem like no one will love you the way they love you or no one will love you at all.

Sometimes, they may make it seem like they’re doing you a favor for putting up with it.

Quick Author’s Note: Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re not worthy of love, because you are. You deserve the kind of love you want, my friend.

They don’t take responsibility

5) They always shift blame

It’s always someone else’s fault and never theirs. What a huge red flag, the brightest crimson.

They cannot take responsibility for their actions, nor can they take responsibility for their mistakes. The problem here now is that they will never apologize to you when they hurt you.

So, remember when I said above that they constantly push your limits? Yes, they won’t apologize for that

It will just be a bad cycle of him abusing you and never apologizing for doing it. They will try to wear you down so that you become obedient in their hands.

6) They always play the victim

In addition to shifting blame, they may position themselves as a victim.

Have you ever met someone who constantly claims that the world and everyone in it is out to get them? Then we discover soon after that they are the problem?

The emotional manipulator wants to control the narrative because how the narrative is presented will affect your opinion of it.

They can spin stories, withhold details, and lie to your face if necessary.

It doesn’t really matter what the truth is as long as it doesn’t show up in bad lighting. It doesn’t matter what the truth is as long as they can use it to feel superior.

If not, at least to gain sympathy, both your own and those who witness your relationship.

7) They minimize your problems

They invalidate your feelings. They may have described you as overly sensitive or dramatic.

Maybe you felt like you were rocking the boat too much. Like, “It could be worse, so why are you making such a big deal out of it?”

News flash: Just because something “could be worse” doesn’t mean what you’re feeling isn’t painful. You are allowed to acknowledge your pain and work on it.

Just because someone else may have it worse than you, doesn’t mean your aches and pains aren’t real.

Being constantly emotionally invalidated, especially when you’re trying to tell them your problems (either to vent or ask for help) can feel like a losing battle.

It’s like twice the weight.

8) They say it’s a joke when they hurt your feelings

I wanted to give this point its own space because this is so simple, yet so sinister.

They always pass off crimes as a joke. They always say it’s no fun not to find humor in their actions. Even when the action is done to hurt your feelings.

“I’m kidding!” They say they comment negatively on your weight or the way you dress.

“Don’t be so sensitive, can’t you tell it’s a joke?”

“I’m sure others will find it funny.”

Minimizing harm by framing it in supposed humor is downright sinister. The sad thing is that it seems so normal in our lives.

Of course, many of us don’t want to feel like we can’t take a joke. Or we spoil the atmosphere. However, this is exactly what the emotional manipulator relies on.

Shame. Guilt.

They use your feelings as a weapon

Because of course they do. This is why you stay in the relationship, and it is why you endure. You love someone so much that you give them chances.

Related : If someone treats you in these 6 ways, they’re not your true friend

You believe they will change, that it will be different soon enough if you just let another crime pass.

But will he do it?

9) They treat you in a negative and aggressive way

A direct confrontation will not yield results with an emotional manipulator, as he will combine all the points mentioned above and leave you confused.

They may stop arguing, but they will hold grudges. They will be passive aggressive, making life difficult for you because of their indirect style.

When you feel frustrated by their behavior, they will make it seem like you are the one overreacting.

See the course?

I also want to talk briefly about a very specific type of passive-aggressive behavior which is incompetence as a weapon.

“I don’t know how to do that” or “Look, you shouldn’t have asked me to cook, I’m so bad at it.” This happens when they do a task very poorly to escape future responsibility.

This is a delicate topic that deserves an article of its own but needs to be mentioned the same.

10) They love the bomb

Finally, love bombing. Too much, too fast is how it starts.

You will feel loved, appreciated, and even pampered. They throw gifts at you left, right and centre. They tell you how they can’t live without you.

Then suddenly it turns.

“They can’t live without you” turns into constantly asking where you are, and even worse, asking you not to go without them.

“You only need me” turns into isolation from everyone. It’s talks of marriage in the first few days, even on rocky grounds.

Love bombing is dangerous because it creates a false narrative, a false sense of security. It is the belief that someone only has good intentions.

Proving wrong while adhering to the idea that goodness is what is natural.

This makes love bombing cyclical as well. They are hot and cold in their treatment. They will turn on the charm if they feel you slipping.

They will put you where they want you.

This is the danger of the emotional manipulator, who wants to control him. On power. To own your love but also your confusion.

Your compliance. They want you weak

Which I’m not. I hope you know that you have the power to resist.