We all face different personalities in our lives, but some are more challenging than others.
In fact, there could be a cunning manipulator lurking in your social circle without you even noticing.
You may look at your interactions with a particular person and wonder if something is wrong.
Were their actions innocent or was there an underlying game of control and deception?
These are the eight behaviors that indicate you are dealing with a hidden manipulator.
If these traits are true, it may be time to re-evaluate your boundaries and protect your mental health.
Let’s Begin.
- They know how to play the victim
The hidden manipulator is a master of playing the victim.
They have a knack for changing situations and showing themselves as the wronged party, regardless of the circumstances.
You may find yourself apologizing even when you’re not at fault or feeling guilty about situations beyond your control.
This tactic serves a two-fold purpose: it deflects blame away from themselves while simultaneously garnering sympathy and attention.
The guilt you feel keeps you attached to them, and you constantly try to make up for perceived wrongs.
- They highlight you
Gaslighting is a psychological tactic where someone manipulates you into questioning your reality or sanity.
Subtle yet destructive, this manipulative behavior is a common tool in the manipulator’s arsenal.
For example, if you confront them about something they did that upset you, instead of addressing the problem, they do the following:
- Narrative distortion
- Reject your claims
- I suggest you are overly sensitive or even imagining things.
Over time, this behavior may make you doubt your memory, perception, and even your sanity. It’s designed to make you feel like you’re the problem, not them.
If you often find yourself doubting your memories or feeling confused after interacting with a specific person, you are likely being bullied.
Recognizing this behavior is the first step to protecting yourself from its harmful effects.
- They constantly undermine you
Cunning manipulators have a way of undermining your self-confidence, often under the guise of helpful criticism or concern.
They may belittle your accomplishments, question your decisions, or make disparaging remarks about your abilities—all while maintaining an air of innocence or even goodwill.
I can attest to this, because personally, I had a “friend” who had a habit of subtly belittling me.
Every time I shared a new accomplishment or plan, she would respond with something like, “That’s great, but don’t you worry about…” or “That’s good for you, but I heard that…”
These comments always made me feel unsure and anxious, which really affected my self-confidence.
The constant doubt and insecurity resulting from this behavior can erode your self-esteem over time.
So, if there’s someone in your life who constantly makes you feel inadequate or unsure, take note — maybe you’re dealing with a cunning manipulator.
Constructive criticism is helpful, but constant undermining is not. It’s a manipulative tactic designed to keep you off balance.
- They are passive aggressive
The manipulator does not always use overt aggression to achieve his goals.
Often times, they resort to passive aggressive behaviors that are difficult to identify but are just as harmful, if not more so.
This can take the form of hidden digs, procrastination, sullen silence, or willful incompetence.
The goal is to express their dissatisfaction or exert control without overtly expressing their feelings or intentions.
This is because passive aggressive behavior is often used by individuals who feel powerless and are looking for a covert way to express their anger or control others.
It is a manipulation tactic that enables them to avoid direct confrontation while still causing discomfort to the target.
- They are experts at guilt tripping
Guilt is another sophisticated tool in the covert manipulator’s repertoire.
They know how to make you feel guilty for not meeting their expectations or asserting your boundaries, making you more vulnerable to their influence.
I know this personally because I had a former colleague in the past who was a pro at guilt.
Whenever I couldn’t help him with his workload because of my deadlines, he would say, “I guess I’ll just have to stay up late and do everything myself then.”
Or “I thought that as a team, we were supposed to help each other.”
His comments always left me feeling guilty and having to do my best to help him.
If you often feel guilty about a particular person and find yourself bending over backwards to please them, it’s time to stop and take a closer look.
You may be on the receiving end of manipulation.
To avoid this, remember that guilt is a powerful feeling and can easily be exploited by those looking to manipulate others for their own gain.
- They give you the silent treatment
The silent treatment is a classic manipulation tactic often used to punish, control, and create insecurity.
Cunning manipulators use this as a form of non-verbal aggression that allows them to express their displeasure or exert control without confrontation.
When they are silent, it forces you to walk on eggshells, constantly trying to please them or make adjustments to regain communication.
This behavior can be incredibly hurtful and isolating.
If someone in your life is used to giving you the silent treatment when they are upset or when things are not going their way, this is a clear sign of manipulation.
Remember, healthy relationships involve open communication and problem solving through discussions, not silence.
- They never take responsibility
Cunning manipulators are experts at evading responsibility.
They will always find a way to blame someone else, often portraying themselves as the victim.
They may use tactics such as denial, projection, or playing stupid to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
This behavior allows them to avoid the consequences of their actions, maintain control, and keep you in a state of uncertainty.
They make you feel like you owe them
Skilled manipulators are skilled at making you feel indebted to them.
They may remind you of past favors or use emotional blackmail to make you feel like you owe them something.
This debt does not have to be tangible; It can be emotional or relational.
It’s designed to create an imbalance in your relationship, where you always feel like you “owe them” and need to “pay them back.”
If someone is constantly reminding you of what they have done for you and expects you to repay them in some way, this is a clear sign of manipulation.
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and kindness, not keeping score.
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