Is love enough to make a relationship successful? Most of us seem to think so.
We enter into relationships with the highest expectations, believing that love is enough to make the relationship work.
But the truth is that love is often not enough. Our daily habits play a big role as well.
The problem is that they are sneaky. The little things we do every day can weaken the bond we have with our partner without even realizing it.
So, it might be helpful to take a look at your daily habits and see if they aren’t pulling the rug out from under your feet inch by inch.
Let’s check out 10 daily habits that can hamper a healthy relationship:
1) Lack of quality time
When a relationship is new, we want to spend every second with our partner, right? It’s normal.
However, once the honeymoon phase passes (and it will, unless you’re a single couple with daily access to Felix Felicis), we may start spending less and less time with our partners.
At Marriage.com, Dr. Jenny Jacobsen says: “People may feel relieved that after they’ve been together for a while, they no longer put in the same effort they did at the beginning of the relationship. When this happens, quality time can fall by the wayside.
The problem with this is that you can easily lose your emotional connection with your partner.
Once that goes, so does romance and intimacy.
That’s why it’s important to make having fun a priority, even if it’s not your love language.
My husband and I have one rule: Once we’re done working, it’s our time.
So, we talk while making dinner, then watch a TV show together before going to bed. Our routine helps us connect with others and stay connected no matter how busy we are during the day.
Aside from that, we practice the 2-2-2 rule – an appointment every two weeks, a weekend every two months, and a week (or more) off every two years.
It’s all about commitment.
2) Over-reliance on technology
This is closely related to a good time. Because whether you like it or not, when you’re overly attached to your phone or video games, it leads to quality time with your partner.
I know how distracting it can be. I mean, despite our best intentions to have fun together, my husband and I aren’t perfect. We sometimes fall into the trap of scrolling through social media and not paying attention to each other.
Again, it pays to be mindful, intentional, and committed. Commit to disconnecting from your device so you can give your partner your full attention.
3) Poor communication
Another thing to commit to is communicating in a healthy way.
We all have different communication styles. Some of us may have grown up in a family where difficult issues were swept under the rug. Others may have grown up in a family where confrontation was the norm.
Unfortunately, these differences appear in the way we talk to our partners. I know couples who didn’t succeed because they couldn’t find a way to communicate effectively.
Here are some examples of poor communication:
Passive aggressive statements
mockery
vagueness
Speaking in absolutes (e.g., “You never”, “You always…”)
Avoid difficult conversations
Bring up past issues
Make assumptions
The silent treatment
And let’s not forget non-verbal cues like moving eyes or avoiding eye contact. Body language is strong!
Effective communication is an essential component of healthy relationships. If you want your company to work, make sure you create an atmosphere of openness and honesty.
4) Save the result
Speaking of unhealthy communication, another unhealthy habit is keeping score.
“I washed the dishes last time.” “You owe me one.” “Why don’t you take the kids for a change?”
Have you ever said or heard this kind of statement? Be careful, it sounds like you may be heading into an eye for an eye mentality.
Relationships are all about give and take, yes. But they should never take on a transactional nature.
The best relationships are those that have a teamwork mentality. You are not competitors; You are teammates. You each have your strengths and contribute to the relationship in your own unique way.
For example, my husband and I have very different interests – he enjoys cooking, I don’t. I enjoy cleaning and organizing, but he doesn’t.
So we make it work by taking charge of our own areas. the win!
5) Forgetting the little things
What about the little things? Have you been together so long that you no longer care?
Romantic gestures are great, but the truth is that they are so few and far between that their novelty eventually wears off.
Especially if everyday things – the little things – fall by the wayside.
Things like a simple text telling you that you’re thinking about your partner. We keep the last slice of chocolate cake for them in the refrigerator. Take over the task of making dinner when they are very tired.
Those small acts of kindness and affection often carry more weight than any extravagant offer. It shows your partner that you notice and appreciate them every day.
Which takes me to my next point…
6) Taking each other for granted
It’s easy to fall into a routine and start taking our partner’s presence and actions for granted.
Here’s the thing – complacency is the enemy of healthy relationships.
To go the distance, it’s important to continue to value what your partner brings to the relationship.
Do you have to say “thank you” every time they make your coffee in the morning? Yes.
Should you stop and ask them if they’re okay with a night out drinking with friends? definitely.
The point is to never let consideration go out the window just because you are sure you love each other.
7) Ignoring your partner’s feelings or opinions
Consideration includes respect for each other. How do you deal with it when your partner raises your concerns? Do you ignore him or give him the respect he deserves?
Before I got married, I was in another long-term relationship. At first it was fine, but as time went on, I noticed how he was ignoring my feelings. He would say I was overreacting or tell me to “get over it.”
If I have a different opinion about something, he looks at me skeptically, as if I’m so stupid for thinking that way.
Needless to say, it wasn’t a good feeling. It’s had a huge impact on my self-esteem, to be honest.
Looking back, I can see that this relationship would never have worked out even if I had stayed. Because it lacks one important ingredient – respect.
8) Not setting boundaries
Just as you should never forget to be respectful, you should never forget the importance of boundaries.
For you and for them.
I know I said spouses should be teammates. However, this does not mean that you are no longer individuals.
Therefore, you both have your boundaries, and it is essential to express and respect them in the relationship.
Boundaries will look different for each of us; Like I said, we are all individuals. Whatever your job is – whether it’s personal space, time with friends, or handling finances – be clear about it.
9) Neglecting self-care
Talking about individuality and personal space brings me to my next point – the importance of self-care.
Look, caring about your partner and your relationship is the right thing to do. But it doesn’t have to come at the expense of your well-being.
It has already been proven that self-care is essential, not only for relationships but for life in general.
Think about it – when you’re constantly stressed or tired, doesn’t that make you annoyed with people? Or at least stop caring?
I know that when I don’t get my own time, I get angry. And I don’t like to admit it, but my family bears the brunt of it.
When you feel good about yourself, you have more to give. In fact, you become a better partner. Simply.
However, remember to keep it balanced. Too much focus on your personal time and growth can lead to this next thing…
10) Not growing together
I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard friends who’ve broken up say, “We’ve grown apart…”
I think this is unfortunate, but also understandable. This is what happens when many of the things on this list happen – poor communication, little or no quality time, and all of it.
Not only that, we also change and evolve. Our goals and plans may change in a way that is no longer consistent with our partners’ goals.
This is not necessarily anyone’s fault. That’s the way life goes sometimes.
The person you were five years ago may not be the person you are today. The same goes for your partner. Interests change, feelings fade, and dreams take on new forms.
But all is not lost when that happens. If you are both committed, you can find ways to bridge these gaps.
Continue to communicate and support each other’s evolving dreams. Find new common ground to walk together.
finalthoughts
You see, you can’t rely solely on love to accompany you through your daily relationships. What can do that is effort.
So put in the work. Pay attention to your habits and the way you treat your partner every day.
If you’re committed to that, there’s no reason your relationship can’t work.