Have you ever felt like you’re living someone else’s life instead of your own? Like you’re running on a treadmill of expectations that keep accelerating, leaving you breathless and lost?
I know I have. It took me years to realize that much of my unhappiness stems from trying to meet everyone’s expectations – family, friends, community – you name it.
If you feel heavy and unsure of yourself, it may be time to stop and think about whether you are carrying the weight of other people’s desires on your shoulders.
Here are 7 signs that you may be.
1) You feel drained
Feeling drained is more than just being tired from a long day at work; It’s a deep feeling of emotional and mental exhaustion that seeps into your soul.
And sometimes it’s the weight of expectations that gradually wears you down.
It could be a job you got because someone said it was a “smart career move,” or a hobby you gave up because it wasn’t “mature” enough.
These choices may seem small, but over time, they can negatively impact your emotional energy, leaving you feeling drained.
I remember some days when I would wake up without a single ounce of enthusiasm for what lay ahead of me. That’s when I realized I had committed to things that weren’t really my priority, but rather someone else’s.
Imagine how much energy you could take back just by giving yourself permission to want what you really want. It’s not selfish. It is self-awareness.
It can be the first step on a journey towards a life that leaves you feeling satisfied instead of tired.
2) You are anxious about making decisions
Decision making should be a reflection of your values and beliefs, but what happens when you feel tremendous pressure to choose based on the expectations of others? Anxiety can be overwhelming.
I remember a time during local elections when the tension was palpable. Most of my social circle, including my family, were strong supporters of one candidate.
But after doing my own research and soul searching, I found myself leaning toward someone else.
The days leading up to the election were full of tension. My mind kept racing with questions like: “How will I explain my choice to my family?” and “What will people think of me?”
The weight of these expectations made the usually straightforward task—an act of civic duty—seem like a minefield.
But here’s what that experience taught me: making a decision based on someone else’s expectations may bring temporary relief, but it comes at the cost of peace of mind.
The moment you cast your vote—or make any decision—that aligns with your true identity, the feeling of freedom takes over, overriding the fear of judgment or backlash.
3) You can’t say “no”
How often do you find yourself saying “no” to people? If not nearly so, you’ve probably agreed to some things even if you’d like to say no – adding more weight to an already heavy burden of obligations.
I used to be a chronic yes person, and I always worried that saying no would make me seem selfish, difficult, or unlovable.
When a friend asked me to help plan a party for my self-care weekend, I hesitated but eventually said yes. The whole time, I felt stressed and upset, and these are not the feelings one wants to bring to a celebration.
What I eventually realized is that saying no is not only okay; It is crucial for mental health. Every “no” to someone else is a “yes” to yourself.
It’s an affirmation that you value your time, your needs, and your emotional space.
Contrary to what I feared, setting boundaries did not make people love me less; It has actually increased the respect they have for me.
If saying no is difficult for you, remember this: You are making a decision about how to spend your limited time and emotional energy. Make this choice wisely, keeping yourself in mind.
4) You compare yourself to others
Comparing yourself to others is another sign that you tolerate the expectations of the people around you.
It’s like you’re running a marathon, constantly checking over your shoulder to see if you’re keeping up with everyone.
I know this feeling well. A few years ago, one of my best friends got my dream job, and while I wanted to be completely happy for her, part of me also felt inferior and rushed to follow her.
Comparing yourself to others is another sign that you tolerate the expectations of the people around you.
It’s like you’re running a marathon, constantly checking over your shoulder to see if you’re keeping up with everyone.
I know this feeling well. A few years ago, one of my best friends got my dream job, and while I wanted to be completely happy for her, part of me also felt inferior and rushed to follow her.
But here’s the thing: life is not a race, and the only person you should be comparing yourself to is who you were yesterday. What matters most is your goals, progress, and happiness.
When you stop comparing, you start living. Instead of focusing on what others are doing or achieving, you turn inward and prioritize what truly resonates with you.
By focusing on your own journey, you will find that the weight of others’ expectations will begin to lift, and instead, you will find a renewed sense of freedom and self-worth.
5) You avoid taking risks
Let’s face it, taking risks can be scary. But what’s even scarier is letting the opinions of others dictate your life choices.
I remember when I was younger and wanted to take a trip abroad on my own. The idea excited me, but I also heard the voices of family and friends warning me of the “what ifs.” So, I postponed the plan.
Results? I may have avoided some risks, but I also missed out on what could have been a life-changing experience, something that was authentically “me.”
Life is too short to let fear dictate your choices. When you avoid risks because you’re worried about judgment or disappointment, you’re not just playing it safe; You’re playing small.
Stepping out of your comfort zone can be scary, but magic often happens. So go ahead, take that leap of faith.
You may find that the only expectations worth living up to are the ones you set for yourself.
6) You seek validation
Do you constantly check for likes, comments or nods of approval? It’s completely normal to want validation; It makes us feel connected and valued.
But there is a fine line between healthy social interaction and the constant need for external approval.
I would compulsively check social media after posting anything, curious to see how many likes and comments I would get. Unfortunately, the number on the screen had a huge impact on my mood.
The moment of clarity came when I realized that this “digital applause” was not satisfactory; It was just a temporary boost. What really mattered was how I felt about my choices, my work, and my life.
Seeking validation isn’t inherently a bad thing, but it becomes a problem when it’s your only source of self-worth. What if you could give yourself the validation you crave?
When you make choices that align with your personality, you don’t need to look outward to get your stamp of approval.
7) You feel guilty for pursuing your own interests
Guilt can be one of the heaviest burdens, especially when it comes to pursuing your own interests.
I remember when I first started drawing as a hobby; I felt guilty for spending time on it.
Why? Because it wasn’t “productive” or “workable” according to the people around me.
What I didn’t realize was that I was doing myself a disservice by marginalizing my passion. I was giving up a part of myself to meet someone else’s standards of what was important.
Here’s the truth: There’s no guilt in embracing what makes you happy. Your interests and passions are a vital part of your personality.
Engaging in activities that light you up isn’t just a “good” thing, it’s essential to your well-being.
So, go ahead and immerse yourself in that hobby, explore that interest, and enjoy the freedom that comes from being unapologetically yourself.
Embrace your true self
If you recognize yourself in any of these seven signs, you’re not alone. Many of us fall into the trap of living according to other people’s expectations rather than our own wants and needs.
But remember, life is too short to be anything but your true self.
It’s easy to think that meeting other people’s expectations will make us happy or earn us respect. The irony is that the more we sacrifice our true selves to meet those expectations, the more we end up feeling lost, drained, and unfulfilled.
Start small. Whether you say no more often, or allow yourself to explore your passions without feeling guilty, every step you take toward authenticity is a victory.
Not only will you find happiness and fulfillment; You will inspire those around you to start their own journey towards living a life that is true to them.
Remember, your goal is not to live up to someone else’s expectations; It’s about living up to yourself. In doing so, you will find a richer, more fulfilling, and above all, more authentic life.
