Have you been scammed, scammed, cheated or led on a wild goose chase?
The feeling of anger and humiliation after lying is intense. I was there.
Even if it’s just a phone scam we wasted time on or a fake dating profile trying to get money from us, it’s shocking to realize that you’ve been at least partly caught up in it. We tend to blame ourselves.
“How did I not see the signs?”
This is a guide to how to catch scammers and con artists red-handed. No matter how good someone is at lying, they always have a little piece of information that will tip you off if you listen and watch carefully.
Here are the signs that you are dealing with a convincing but lying person.
1) They play your hopes and fears like a finely tuned mandolin
Talented deceivers are masters of psychology.
They find out what you hope or fear and then focus directly on that.
For example, a doctor who offers a quack cure will exploit your hope of improvement while grimly emphasizing the horror if you do not improve, casting further doubt on any solution other than his own.
Even though he knows his cure is fake, this quack has identified fear and hope in your mind and is now manipulating you like a puppet.
Even if you have a vague sense that it’s not real, your hopes and fears are so strong that you hear it. Before you know it, you’re signing a prescription and a follow-up visit.
2) They provide easy solutions
The skilled liar identifies what you hope for or fear and then offers you a surprisingly easy way to get it.
They assure you not to worry about anything else and focus on their promise:
Related : 15 ways an emotional manipulator will use your kindness against you
They have the solution.
Cut out the noise, other offers, your own doubts and questions and just listen to what they have to say. They are experts, have a lot of background experience, and are here to solve this problem for you now.
3) They plant desires in your mind
Good liars don’t just offer quick solutions, they also get inside your head.
They will plant ideas of what you want inside your mind, just as talented advertisers do.
And before you know it, you’ll want the type of home they’re selling, even though you came to the real estate office thinking you wanted half the size. But no, the liar assures you that buying half the size would be a huge mistake in this market.
You thought you wanted to date a free-spirited, artistic woman, but before you know it, there’s a woman who convinces you that she’s what you really need even though she’s as square as a Lego piece.
4) They imitate formal tones and titles
Skilled liars tend to use tones of voice and formal titles to make themselves more convincing.
“Hello ma’am, I’m calling from Henderson Insurance regarding your policy. Do you have a moment to talk?”
This all sounds very official and probably even legit!
If you are not careful, these types of people can lure you into all kinds of scams and misadventures.
5) Their emotions are always exactly “right.”
Those who are best at deception are masters of emotional mimicry.
In other words, they are very good at faking feelings and getting emotional reactions when pointed out.
This is often consistent with sociopathy tendencies, distinct narcissism, and lack of empathy.
They cannot feel the pain of others and do not care, but they are highly committed and able to imitate the strong, painful positive emotions that they know move people.
As Christian Hart and Drew Curtis wrote:
“Whether expressing happiness, surprise, sadness, or contempt, good liars can furrow their brows, raise their eyebrows, or bare their teeth in convincing ways that belie their true feelings.”
Think of the stereotypical preacher who urges his flock to buy miraculous spring water that will cure any disease and cries what look like real tears as he talks about his wife being cured of cancer…
6) They agree with you so much that it’s hard to believe
A skilled liar is a fake nice man or submissive woman.
He nods and smiles no matter what you say, acting as if you are God’s gift to humanity and nothing you say can be wrong.
This is generally nice, and you may feel validated.
Then the liar tells you something questionable and you tend to believe him: after all, he believed you! Why not return the favor?
Building this type of false trust bond is typical deceptive behavior.
7) They ask probing questions about your personal life
Liars like to know as much as possible and also masquerade as good listeners.
For example, a con man likes to know as much about his sign’s personal life as possible.
All of this information can be used against the target as threats, false compliments, and to remember and communicate in ways that make the target feel heard and cared about.
If you have someone who tries to convince you of things and often asks you details about your personal life that seem a bit unexpected, consider the risk that they are building a database of influence and false friendliness to use against you.
8) They act like they care deeply about your problems
A skilled liar is skilled at false sympathy.
They will imitate the emotions you mentioned, and will also rely on their memory of your personal details to ask questions about you and the people you care about.
You begin to feel that this person is your friend or someone really close to you, and that he or she is looking out for you.
This is where the liar wants you: in the palm of his hand.
9) They give you deals and ideas that are too good to be true
When something is too good to be true, it usually is.
Liars know this, but they are fully aware of the human capacity for hope.
“Maybe this time, this big deal will finally be legit,” she thinks.
Liar loves this. He or she plays on your hope and optimism, and twists it to benefit from you in every possible way.
10) They present themselves as a victim and in need of the help that only you can provide
Skilled liars often use the victim role to manipulate you.
They will say that you are the only person who can “save” them or help them:
with my love…
With money…
With your time…
While listening to their endless complaints…
In fact, they are just using you.
11) They are incredibly optimistic about the future but also very mysterious
Liars love mystery.
As Nietzsche said: “They like to muddy the waters to pretend they are deep.”
But it’s actually muddy (and probably full of dirt).
Liars will sell everyone on the basis of a pipe dream without going into detail. When they delve into the details, they usually come up with excuses about why they can’t follow through.
Related : 9 behaviors your partner is secretly judging you for
Think about your typical politician, for example.
Or think of the many mainstream journalists who present simplistic, polarizing narratives and then demonize anyone on the other side in order to get clicks and make more money.
12) They tell you things that contain truth mixed with fiction
A truly talented liar doesn’t just bombard you with false statements.
He mixes fact with fiction, and often does so piecemeal.
In other words, a guy who tries to lie about cheating will start by being 90% honest and only occasionally sneak in a very small lie about his schedule or habits.
But then he will slowly increase those lies and perfect them as you accept them and feel less suspicious.
By putting too much truth into what they say, liars often succeed in alleviating your suspicions, which then allows them to deceive you on a subtle level.
