What’s the harm in being kind?
I definitely like empathetic and caring people, and most of my friends do too.
But some manipulative individuals abuse the kindness of others and take advantage of their honesty.
Here’s what to watch out for to make sure a manipulator doesn’t use your good nature against you.
1) He wants to know everything about your personal life
An emotional manipulator’s first tool is personal and sensitive information.
The more he (or she) knows about you and your personal life, the more he or she will be able to use that to get closer to you, gain your trust, and influence you.
This is a big reason why emotionally manipulative individuals are so harmful and evil:
They are often the people you thought were closest to and had the most interest in your life, but you discover they just want ammunition to use against you.
2) He pretends to care about your problems and pretends to be a friend
Emotionally manipulative people like to pose as friends and get close to someone, as I mentioned in the previous point.
He will pretend to be your friend and care about your problems, he will even do his best to be a shoulder to cry on and someone you can trust.
Related : 8 signs an emotional manipulator is playing the victim card
You begin to feel that your faith in humanity has been restored and that there are truly selfless people in this world, only to go down a path in which that person becomes more demanding and exploitative.
3) He identifies the causes that matter to you and pretends he cares about them too
An emotional manipulator is nothing if not intelligent. His weapon of choice is your feelings and strong emotions in general.
That’s why one of the most useful things for him is to discover the causes you’re passionate about and pretend to be interested in them.
For example, you may be a peace activist or involved in law reform. Maybe you are trying to change the economic system or change environmental legislation.
He came to talk about how passionate he is about this too in order to get into your circle of trust and start connecting you to his whims and hidden agenda.
4) He presents spiritual ideas and concepts related to mercy in order to put pressure on you
Another angle to deal with an emotional manipulator is to cling to spiritual or religious ideas that have meaning to you.
A typical example of this is a preacher or teacher who uses the affection and loyalty of his flock to extract money, sex, and worship from them.
By demanding that they obey what he says, the teacher slowly shifts from compassion to controlling the scriptures and modifying them to reflect only what he says.
5) He uses details of other people’s suffering to extract money, time, and attention from you
There is so much suffering in this world, and it needs real action and compassion.
However, for the manipulative man or woman, this suffering is raw material to create scams from.
He will use it to get your money, time, and approval, and demand compliance if you are truly concerned about issue A or B.
The name of the game is to blame you for lacking sufficient empathy unless you adequately help that person who says they support helping a cause.
6) He plays on your guilt and insecurities to get what he wants
Emotional manipulators look for any hidden fears, guilt or problems and then try to use them to control you.
A typical example of this is a preacher or teacher who uses the affection Whatever these things are, they will focus on them and play on them.
For example, if you have a great fear of being alone, the manipulator will provide you with company in the form of a romantic partner or friend…
But then he will threaten to leave you completely if you don’t do everything he asks and validate him exactly the way he wants.
7) He keeps you feeling obligated and indebted to him
Whatever benefits this person gives, they always come with strings attached.
It’s a bit like signing a contract only to realize that it contains a lot of fine print that contains severe restrictions or penalties that will hurt you.
The difference is that this time it is emotional:
This person makes you feel that you owe him and that you have to do what he wants, agree with him, and follow in his footsteps.
If not then you are hurting him and letting him down.
8) He does you a favor and then makes you feel indebted and selfish if you don’t return it tenfold
This is related to the previous point and is highly toxic:
A manipulator will sometimes help you seemingly without wanting anything in return.
But there are always conditions attached, and sooner or later he will come to collect things.
Then he will come to collect again. and again. You are supposed to do what he wants every time.
9) He knows details about your financial situation and requests financial services from you
On the monetary side, emotional manipulators often focus on confusing money with emotions.
They will befriend you or become romantically involved with you and then find out increasingly more about your money.
If you don’t share with them what they consider enough or if they want more money, they will tease you:
“If you really care about me, give me more,” is their usual saying…
10) He uses details about his difficult life to make you feel sorry for him
Playing the victim is like a violin concerto for a manipulative man or woman…
He’ll stand there and make the strings cry and try to make you cry too.
He is a victim, a poor character oppressed by life’s tragedies.
And if you care about him at all you will serve him in every way possible.
Related : 6 smart ways to deal with someone who complains about everything
Aren’t you a good person?
11) He praises your kindness and makes you feel special in order to ask for more from you
Emotional manipulators tend to be very good at flattery.
They will convince you that they see and truly appreciate all the good you do.
The idea is that you are supposed to feel grateful for praise and reluctant to say no to what they want from you.
And there is always another question:
Since you are so skilled at Subject A, will you help with Subject B?
Since you clearly care about Cause C, will you help with Cause D?
Since your business skills are clearly impressive at X, can you also handle Y?
It’s endless.
12) It makes you sign on to projects and endeavors that are actually much more difficult than they seem at first glance
Those who like to use emotions to take advantage of people often prey on the people they help.
If you’re a somewhat helpful person, be wary of anyone who comes up to you and asks you for help with an “easy” or “simple” project.
It could be a community theater production where he wants to help with filming locations, a fundraiser, or a new project at work.
Whatever that is, you’re limited to the assumption that it’s no big deal and the least you can do is discover that it’s just a headache and a half.
13) He lies because of what you say to make you care about him and give him his way
Emotionally exploited people like to talk about how humiliated they are.
They then use this as a way to silence you, control what you say, or get something from you.
They may even use their supposedly abusive situation as a way to blackmail you, projecting over your head how much abuse they feel in your personal life or at work.
It’s a low-key trick, but they’re certainly not above doing it.
14) He blames those close to you for hurting him and demands compensation for their actions
Watch out for someone who blames your friends or loved ones for hurting them and demands that you make amends.
This is a classic case of demanding responsibility for the actions of others.
You are often singled out for unfair behavior by others simply because you are more accepting and kind.
The manipulator knows this and uses the bad actions of others around you to get to you and manipulate you.
On a related note…
15) He discovers people close to you and tries to get close to them as well
An emotional manipulator doesn’t just stalk you. He also wants to get closer to people you care about.
This is a classic tactic of scammers and scammers around the world for a reason:
