Friends are supposed to make you feel good, not bad.
They are supposed to lift you up, not push you down.
right?
right!?
So why do you sometimes feel like this isn’t the case with all your friendships?
You know exactly who I’m talking about, right?
That one friend who doesn’t always seem to have your back or have your best interests at heart. Well, if you suspect something, you may have a very good reason for it.
Sometimes, we end up being “friends” with people who do not treat us right at all, who manipulate us and play games for their own gain.
If you’re wondering whether or not this friend is true blue, here are ten signs that you’re being manipulated by a friend without even realizing it.
1) They are in control.
Here’s one of the biggest signs you’re being manipulated by a friend.
They are very controlling and want to influence what you say, do and think all the time.
If you’ve been friends with this person for a long time, you might think this is normal. It’s just how they are!
no.
Do they expect you to do what they say, whenever they want? Do they think you should drop everything when they snap their fingers?
fine. No problem, as long as they give you the exact same behavior. If you have a fair and equal amount of give and take in your relationship, you are just great friends.
But if it is one-sided, they are taking advantage and manipulating you.
2) They create drama.
Not everyone who loves drama is manipulative.
Some people love intrigues and are very sensitive to what happens between people. It fascinates them, and they can’t get enough of it.
They will gossip, spread rumors, and talk about people behind their backs because it’s fun.
But manipulative people will do all of these same things for a completely different reason. They try to create chaos, change people’s alliances, and even destroy people.
If you’re worried that a friend is manipulating you, just look at the way they talk to you about others.
Are they fair and honest, or are they trying to start something and attract you to help make it happen?
3) They feel guilty.
Manipulation is about gaining an advantage.
The American Psychological Association defines manipulation as “behavior designed to exploit, control, or otherwise influence others to one’s own advantage.”
So, what benefit can your friend gain by feeling guilty?
When you feel guilty, you want the feeling to go away. This can cause you to apologize, grovel, and offer to do things to make up for what you think you’ve done.
In other words, they have you where they want you.
So they are happy to resent the smallest slight or let you feel bad about things that most friends would easily excuse.
What makes you feel guilty connects you to them and, in their minds, gives them the upper hand.
4) They feel worthy of your attention.
Manipulative friends will act really weird when you don’t give them the attention they want or when you spend time with other people.
It is very similar to jealous behavior in a relationship.
What happens is that they feel like they deserve attention from you, and when they don’t get it, they can act out.
They may try to blame you for canceling their club night and going to visit your grandmother in the hospital.
Or they may give you the silent treatment for a while if you don’t respond to texts about their relationship problems in the middle of the night.
I was sleeping. How selfish of you.
They feel like they own your time and attention, and that’s not how people in normal, healthy friendships act.
5) They pressure you.
I had a friend who was always pushing me to do things I wasn’t doing.
He was always pushing me to go out with him to bars and clubs, even though that wasn’t really my scene.
Okay, okay, I’ll just go hang out with him.
But once we were there, he always pushed me to get really drunk. He would buy me shots and fill my drinks when I wasn’t looking. I certainly wasn’t a heavy drinker, and I would tell him over and over again that I didn’t want to waste it.
He didn’t seem to care what I wanted, in fact he seemed to enjoy pushing me.
This is what manipulative people do.
They don’t respect your boundaries and try to cross them and force you to do things you don’t want to do.
Anyway, I’m sure you can guess that we’re not friends anymore!
6) They make you feel like everything is your fault.
Emotional manipulation is really terrible.
This happens when someone tries to influence your emotions in a way that benefits them and not you.
One of the most common ways to do this is to make you feel like everything that goes wrong is your fault.
Why?
Because this tramples on your self-confidence and makes you putty in their hands.
When something goes wrong in a relationship, they either blame you or let you take the blame.
Imagine you plan to meet at a restaurant, but you end up waiting outside different franchise locations. Who is at fault? You!
What if you haven’t talked or met in a while? Who is the inattentive friend?
Yes you again!
If it’s always you and never them, then this so-called friend has been manipulating you without you even realizing it.
7) They always want things their way.
Manipulation is about power, and a true manipulator believes that there must be an imbalance of power in every type of relationship… in his favor, of course!
So, if you have a friend who seems to be in a constant state of stress, be careful because this is a sign that he is willing and able to manipulate you.
Friendships are largely defined by equality.
You feel that you can depend on each other, share with each other, and face challenges together.
So why does your friend always seem to want to get the upper hand?
They may show this by constantly competing with you. They may also try to control how and where they meet so that it is always in their home or with people who will be on their team.
If they’ve always wanted it that way and they’re not a Backstreet Boys, they’re probably manipulating you.
8) They ask for services all the time.
People manipulate others to gain advantages and create benefits for themselves. They don’t really care what you lose when they gain.
Friends ask each other for favors because friends are the people you’re supposed to be able to count on when you need help.
But the flip side is that they provide services to each other as well.
If you have a friend who always asks you for help and favors but never reciprocates, then one of two things is going on.
Either they’re the type of person who really needs a lot of help or gets themselves into trouble all the time, or they’re taking advantage of your good nature.
9) They become defensive.
Have you ever tried to confront a friend about some issue and saw them suddenly get defensive?
All you’re doing is trying to be heard and express how you feel, but they won’t hear it. In fact, they may turn aggressive and try to turn the tables on you.
They may try to deflect all criticism away from themselves and toward other situations or people to avoid blame.
A sincere and caring friend will listen to your concerns and try to take them into consideration. They will usually feel bad when they hear how their behavior affected you.
Not manipulative, though.
They will do everything they can to protect themselves and make it not about them.
10) They manipulate others.
Hey, it makes perfect sense, right?
If someone is manipulating others, what’s to stop them from manipulating you?
When a person is a master manipulator, he does not let his victims know that he is being manipulated. That’s the point!
Sure, you may notice when this person is manipulating others, but that’s because he’s not focused on pulling the wool over your eyes at the time.
But when they turn their attention to you, they may be so skilled at manipulation that you don’t notice anything, even the warning signs I outlined above.
So, at least be on the lookout for manipulation aimed at others because it might be coming your way too.
finalthoughts
These 10 signs your boyfriend is manipulating you without you realizing it – until now! – It should help you figure things out.
If you think you’re being manipulated, it’s time to have a serious conversation. If that doesn’t work, you may have to get rid of this toxic friend once and for all.
