The emotional manipulator is cunning.

They are so good at what they do that we will play with them and not realize it until the damage is completely done.

Their main motivation is power. They seek to make you feel uncertain and small, so that you become vulnerable and easy to control.

Manipulators are all around us. Unfortunately, they could be the people who are supposed to love us the most.

So, if you suspect there is an emotionally manipulative person in your life, it’s time to take action.

But first you need to recognize the signs.

In this article, I will share with you some of the phrases that emotional manipulators use to make you feel inadequate.

Let’s dive in!

1) “You’re too sensitive.”
The manipulator is all about washing their hands of any accountability.

They want to have their cake and eat it too.

They’ll make you feel bad about yourself with subtle jabs or blatant belittling remarks, but instead of apologizing, they claim your “irrational” emotional response is the problem, not theirs.

This can be confusing and frustrating, and is also a form of gaslighting.

You may feel frustrated and start questioning your feelings and experiences, rather than going after the manipulator.

For them, they have successfully evaded blame, and mission accomplished

2) “I was just kidding.”
Here is another tool in the arsenal of manipulators that is often used to ignore their malicious and hurtful behavior.

They will make an overtly insulting remark and then hide behind the veil of “humor.”

I love comedy as much as anyone, but in theory, jokes are supposed to be funny; When they get so excited they lose their humor.

The manipulator will make an overtly hurtful remark and then blame your inability to take the joke as the problem, not him. Never them.

My ex used to make jokes at my expense all the time.

A few years ago, I gained a little weight.

She would make fun of my size by calling me names or making sarcastic comments about my love of food.

I had great respect for her, so I let it slide at first, thinking she really meant the best for me, and her comments were just light-hearted banter.

Eventually, I realized that the more she teased me, the more I didn’t feel good. My self-esteem will suffer.

So I politely asked her to stop.

I was horrified by the noticeable change in my tone, and claimed that I couldn’t “take a joke.”

She actually ended up getting angry at me because she felt the way I felt, and because I felt hurt.

In short, I ended up apologizing to her for her insults. I fell into the trap.

Classic emotional manipulation. Live and learn.

3) “You always…” or “You never…”
When a manipulator feels weak, like a predator in the wild, he will do everything in his power to kill.

One way they do this is by trying to use your vulnerability to guilt against you.

They will come up with absolute statements like “You always do this to me” or “You never care about me” to take advantage of your feelings and make you do what they want.

Go with your gut too. If you know that what they claim is not so, trust the feeling.

The thing about absolute statements is that they are often exaggerations or distortions used to make you question your character.

Ultimately, they want you to second guess yourself and reality, so they can swoop in and take control.

4) “If you really loved me, you would…”
If you have shaky foundations or feel emotionally vulnerable as many of us do at some point in life, the manipulator will quickly be discovered.

They will not hesitate to take advantage of the situation.

They want to make you doubt yourself and your standing with them; It makes you prove your value and love for them by surrendering to their demands.

In their version of things, you are portrayed as the uncaring, unloving aggressor, while they are the miserable, morally upright victim.

They are so convincing that you end up buying into the act and, out of guilt, you end up complying with them.

Any boundaries or needs you may have are easily set aside as they go about their work, leaving you in a fog of confusion, disorientation… and even anger for allowing it all to happen.

5) “No one will ever love you like me.”
Whether consciously or subconsciously, one of the manipulator’s primary goals is to diminish your self-worth.

You see, being independent and confident doesn’t exactly fit their agenda.

They will work to make you as dependent on them as possible.

To achieve this, they need you to believe that you are inadequate and worthless without them.

They want to isolate you and make you feel unwanted.

They want to create a feeling that they are an irreplaceable presence in your life.

Think of a cult leader who strives to make emotionally vulnerable people more and more dependent on them.

They may isolate you from your family and friends, as this may distance you from their toxic and manipulative influence.

The manipulator in your life may not be forming a cult any time soon, but it’s still best to remain cautious once you see troubling patterns forming.

6) “You owe me.”
As you know at this point, guilt is among the manipulator’s favorite tools.

“Manipulators often create situations in which their victims feel guilty, making them feel small and leading them to retreat and accept unacceptable behavior,” says respected psychologist George Simon. “This is a form of covert aggression.”

In my opinion, jugglers make die-hard sports fans. Why? Because they are pros at keeping score.

They usually keep a mental record of every “good” thing they have done for you so that they can use it against you when the time comes.

This is a powerful form of guilt, used to induce compliance and submission.

So, when you start noticing someone repeatedly claiming that “you owe them,” take it with a grain of salt.

LastWords

If this all sounds familiar, don’t beat yourself up about it. If you have emotionally manipulative tendencies, you’re not alone.

Ask yourself why you do these things.

It is helpful to get to the root cause of these problems and then work on fixing them systematically.

Connecting with a professional therapist or counselor can speed up the process.

If you are a victim, the first step is to communicate.

Try to express your issues with the manipulator as clearly as possible… and hope for the best.

But if you try it and change doesn’t seem to be coming, you owe it to yourself to cut your losses and quit.